Wrong, wrong, wrong! It’s been done to death. It’s cliched, hackneyed.
Now THREE hot chicks in a catfight - that’s GOLD.
I am sold. We have 2 strong contenders already – who should be the 3rd?
Don’t forget Morgan Freeman as the old, wise mentor.
Never mind. I just came up with the 3rd – Denise Richards.
Yes, he will be the narrator too.
It will need, unfortunately, plenty of scenes with a shaky camera.
Not sure what it’s called or what it’s about, but I found the IMDB entry:
Genre: Action / Adventure / Romance / Fantasy / Thriller
Tagline: Action, Adventure, Romance, Fantasy, Thriller just got a new middle name!
Producer: Stephen Speilberg
Director: James Cameron
Original Score: Hans Zimmer
vocals by Enya and Sarah Brightman
Featuring an original single by: Madonna and Timbaland
Cast:
Tom Cruise…Ethan Maverick McGuire
Leonardo Dicaprio…Steve Romance
Cameron Diaz…Hottie Hotterson
Ken Watanabe…Ninja Master
Nicole Kidman…Mrs Moulon Stepford
Megan Fox…Tits McGee
Rece Witherspoon…The Princess
Jeff Goldbloom…Doctor Scientist
Justin Timberlake…Tiny Tim
Samuel L Jackson…Bad Mother Fucker
Meryl Streep…Grandma Bitchly
Tom Hanks…Senator Gump
Brad Pitt…Ugly Jim
Ed Norton…Narrator
Mike Meyers…Emporer Penguin King (voice)
Zach Braff…Corporal Douche
Jack Nicholson…Grandpa
Matt Damon…Himself
Keanu Reeves…Ben Affleck (Voice)
John Voight…CIA Station Chief Freakerson
Renee Zeilweiger…Frumpy Hotterson
Freddy Rodriguez…El Hombre
Jeremy Irons…Luftwaffe Major Fritz
Bill Paxton…Hindenburg Bridge Officer
Michael Beihn…Seal Commander Delta
Angelina Jolie…Freaky Freakerson
Christopher Walken…Dr. Strange
Molly Cyrus…Singer in bar
John Malcovich…Field Marshall vonHeimlich
Bruce Willis…Colonel John Action
R. Lee Emry…Chief Gunnery Sergeant
Vin Deisel…Gigantor (voice)
Will Smith…The Magical Negro
Morgan Freeman…The Magical Negro (Age 80)
Nicholas Cage…Fu Manchu
There is no way you can make this film without a character part for Eli Wallach? This dude has been somewhere in every major motion picture since The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly. I’m also not sure if you’re legally permitted to produce a film without Colin Farrell’s participation.
And what; no after credit track by Sting playing some instrument no one has even heard of for three hundred years? You seriously think this is going to go above the $100M mark?
Stranger
Cute Kids Cussing. Total draw. Would E.T. have been as big without Henry Thomas saying "penis breath?’ I think not.
Henry Thomas would certainly be in the film, and he would most definitely meet an untimely and gruesome end.
Sting? Please. Sting will sing over the closing credits in a duet with Bono.
With Bryan Adams, provided we can pull him away from the Wal-Mart opening circuit.
This movie is so going to [del]rock[/del]blow. And yet, it will still pull in the crowds, and allow investors to launder hundreds of millions of dollars of drug money.
Stranger
The hostess’ face, played by Parker Posey, could be kept by the door.
If she turns out to be otherwise engaged, may I nominate the incredible Meagan Goode.
I saw her in Waist Deep last night and was dying ot nominate her for something today.
We also need to have a stripper with a heart of gold. Ms. Goode will do nicelly in this role.
Heck, we need a hooker with a heart of gold too, to be played by Jessica Alba.
And snakes. Lots and lots of snakes. Maybe they’re somewhere where people can’t just run away and don’t have the tools with them to exterminate them.
Let’s see. Where would be a good place to have people menaced by snakes?
A minivan?
Also, we need a rich old man, who needs a new heart to survive, and the blood of a young maiden.
A diital timer. Counting down.
Can there be a cameo from Scott Glenn and Tommy Lee Jones where they just smile?
And then maybe Antonio Banderas wanders in somewhere followed by Jason Statham.
If you really want to real in everyone, get the Harry Potter kids ( the big three) to show up nekkid. They are all 18 now, right?
You need a “thing” of power.
Like, you know, a ring?
And a volcano, but it could be underwater so Jar Jar Binks could, you know, “take the ring, although I do not know the way”?
And a cross-species romance. This is largely unexplored territory. So, you know, the catfight between hotties could really be, you know, a catfight?