Help me write up an agreement for my temporary boarder

In My Humble Opinion
1

It looks like I will have a boarder for a couple of months. she is 18 and has a traineeship with our local community health centre. She expects to stay with me long enough to decide if living and working in this town will work out (~2 months). I haven’t met her yet but we have talked on the phone and I have spoken with her mother. So far they both sound lovely. We will meet for the first time on Monday.

Now i am not doing this to help pay the rent or anything like that. I would like some company, the board money will cover whatever electricity and water and the remainder will enable me to hire a cleaner twice a week (luxury of luxuries)

Now if this goes ahead I want to be very clear on rules and responsibilities. I want something written down (not a legal document as such just a list of how we are to treat each other, house rules, household responsibilities etc.) I Have a few things in mind already:
Treat each other respectfully.
Treat the animals respectfully (don’t pick the rabbit up by the ears and stuff like that)
Communicate issues and grievances promptly.
No drinking, smoking (of any sort) drug use in the house.
Limited visitors (tell me before hand)
No overnight guests without consultation.
No eating each others food without permission
Bedrooms are private space
I will provide cupboard and fridge space for food
(I am vegetarian) All utensils and cooking equipment us for meat is to be washed promptly.
Taking turns doing the dishes/share dish-washing
No disturbing the others sleep as much as possible, no loud music, all night parties etc…
Money is to be paid in advance and I will provide a receipt
Two week trial period - two weeks notice
(she has a car and I don’t) I will not use her as my personal taxi service
I will provide linen, towels, cupboard and drawer space
Empty bins as needed

Any other suggestions changes of wording, things to cross off etc would be great

2

Your requests are all entirely reasonable, but it might be best to get them in front of her (and her mother!) before she comes down. Living within your noise and time guidelines might be a little difficult for some 18 year olds, others would be fine with it.

Treat each other respectfully -
Kind of obvious and slightly condescending leave for personal discussion

Treat the animals respectfully (don’t pick the rabbit up by the ears and stuff like that)-
Putting it on the list kind of implies she’s a bit clueless. I’d leave for it for a personal discussion on how to handle animals

Communicate issues and grievances promptly -
Again this is more of an interpersonal issue. Leave for discussion

No drinking, smoking (of any sort) drug use in the house. - good

Limited visitors (tell me before hand) - good

No overnight guests without consultation. - fine

No eating each others food without permission -
Another item re obvious manners. IMO best left for a personal discussion

Bedrooms are private space -
Another common sense personal discussion item, really doesn’t belong on a list of instructions

I will provide cupboard and fridge space for food -fine

(I am vegetarian) All utensils and cooking equipment us for meat is to be washed promptly. - fine

Taking turns doing the dishes/share dish-washing -
Might be better just to tell her to wash all her dishes after uses them and put them back or in the dishwasher and do not leave in sink. 18 year olds are not great at determining when their “turn” is

No disturbing the others sleep as much as possible, no loud music, all night parties etc… - fine

Money is to be paid in advance and I will provide a receipt - fine

Two week trial period - two weeks notice -fine

(she has a car and I don’t) I will not use her as my personal taxi service -
If you don’t plan on doing this you really don’t need to spell this out. Leave it for personal discussion if you must discuss it at all.

I will provide linen, towels, cupboard and drawer space - fine

Empty bins as needed - fine -

3

MAKE it a legal document, with consequences. Be a Dick about it, in writing. Later, you can be a softy and say that you will not enforce this or that particular clause on this particular time.

4

Thanks guys

5

If you are going to make a legal document, you should check and see what the local ordinances are. There are often fairly strict rules about what you must and may do when leasing, and there may be some obligations you have that you’re not aware of (such as, having a radon detector, or having two exits from your home or disclosing lead paint). Just understand what you’re getting into. Best of luck!

6

I recommend keeping the dishwashing completely separate. Just have a rule that she washes her own dishes immediately after using them, and you keep doing things as you currently are with your own. Dishwashing has been a big problem for me and ALL of my past roommates, as well as rooming situations I’ve observed between friends; nobody likes feeling like they’re cleaning up after somebody else. And if one or the other consistently dirties more dishes (this is almost a certainty), the other person will feel very put out by your proposed arrangement. Or, if she dirties metric fucktons of dishes, you will feel put out at having to clean up after her.

It sounds a lot like you are approaching this situation like a mother would approach a daughter. She’s 18, try approaching her as an adult instead. Do me (and her) a favor and never, ever think or say “My house, my rules.” If you are tempted to do this, perhaps you should reconsider renting the space out to begin with.

Disclaimer–I just came out of a situation with a landlord who was extremely controlling, and it was absolutely awful. If you can’t be more laid-back about at least SOME of these things, you’re liable to nickel and dime her into hating your freaking guts (I could also be projecting, that’s why I wanted to share this). Though if it’s only for a couple of months, maybe it won’t be that bad.

7

I’m going to second telling her/emailing them about this before they travel to meet you. I think the no-overnight-visitors and no-visitors without asking would be a HUGE deal breaker to most 18 year olds. I know for me at that age I would never have lived somewhere where I couldn’t bring a friend over to just hang out or chill without prior notice, and I was a very vanilla well-behaved kid.

I also agree to research your local ordinances and laws and draw up a real legally-binding agreement. Your local government probably has an office that can help with this. Having things in writing will be a great help to you if things do go south.

8

Is it possible that she is a three pack a day smoker and she will learn your rules WRT her habit at move-in?

9

But it is her house and the boarder is just renting it. This seems like a pretty standard attitude.

10

We have met and discussed any and all rules. I personally feel that not all these rules are set in stone and after we get to know each other will be open to negotiation. We will be having a two week trial with no strings attached so if she does not cope she has an out.

Please note: She is moving here from another town, this is her first time out of home and she knows noone here as yet. I f she wants to bring a friend over all she has to do is ring me to say “hey do you mind me bringing a friend home”

As for the no drinking, drugs or smoking: no drinking in my house (I prefer not to be tempted thankyouverymuch), I don’t do illegal stuff in my house and I expect my boarder to do likewise and as far as smoking goes: not inside my house - smoking stinks.

The no overnight guests thing has to do with my thin walls and my christian faith (though I am more liberal than a lot of christians). If she is so desperate to bonk someone she can go to thier place.

11

If you live somewhere where 18 is the legal drinking age, your no drinking rule would be an absolute deal breaker. You’re seriously telling me that you expect to prevent a legal adult from having a glass of wine when they watch a movie Sunday night or something? If you live somewhere like the US where the drinking age is 21 then just keep it to a “no illegal activities in my house.” If you are an alcoholic, I would re-think having an 18 year old boarder. Poor girl!

12

Sorry but my house is an alcohol free establishment. She is not being forced to live here and i am not Telling her to not drink at all. She will be here 3 to 4 weeknights and will be at home with her parents on weekends. if she cannot cope with the alcohol withdrawels for that period of time then she is not the sort of person I want living in my house.
From talking to her she says she is not much of a drinker anyway. Believe it or not there are people for whom alcohol is not the be all and end all of their life.

Anyway we are having a two week trial period. If she does not like it here she can leave - no questions asked.

As an aside - when I was at university I lived on campus where there was no drinking or smoking allowed in the residential blocks. I still managed to drink plenty enough to keep me happy (pubs, nightclubs etc.)