Ok here’s the setup (may be long):
I’ve been dating my current “girlfriend” for about 5.5 years now. I put girlfriend in quotes, because we have essentially become good friends who happen to live together. We decided in August that we were not going to stick together once the Army shipped me out from where we live. (LONG STORY) That WAS supposed to be in November, but because of 9/11, everything got pushed back till June. We would have moved out, and gone alone, but the financial ramifications of sticking one person with the rent would kill them, so we just decided to continue living together even though we were essentially broken up. Had we known in August that we’d be together still until this June, we would have moved out and sublet our apartment. Anyway, the way things are, we’ve got 2 months till we’re out of this place and we go our separate ways.
The relationship is interesting because we still get along, and we still sleep in the same bed (there’s only one in the apartment), but we haven’t had sex since December, and we haven’t had GOOD sex since about last April, so things were already going downhill there. (The sex in Dec. was basically her giving me a mercy screw…I know, not good).
Now, despite the fact that the relationship is doomed, and we’re both just riding the wave till we move out, we have not ventured outside of each other for dating…(One obvious reason is that no new boyfriend/girlfriend would take kindly to our still living together.) She has told me on numerous occasions (at least 5) that she would not care whether or not I did stuff with other women, considering the situation. I’ve always felt awkward about that and never tried anything. UNTIL…
This weekend was my best friend’s wedding. One of the bride’s friends is a fun, pretty girl we’ll call “C.” I met her at the rehearsal dinner (I’m in the wedding party), and she came with a group of us in the wedding party to the hotel that a lot of people were staying at, so we could drink and hang out. I thought she looked pretty cute there, and I sensed that she had an interest in me.
The next day, the day of the wedding, she was all dressed up of course, and she looked awesome. At the reception, we flirted pretty heavily (I guess I was correct about her interest in me), and while I danced with a lot of people that night, we danced quite a bit, and maybe got a little more into it when we were with each other. I asked if she was going back to the hotel, and she offered to give me a ride. (Her friend was driving and was sober…we were a bit tipsy but not too bad.) At this point, we knew there was mutual interest, and my “GF” was the furthest thing from my mind. I decided I was going to take my “GF” up on her offer to let me see other women.
We got in the back of "C."s car and held hands, and kind of leaned on each other…everything felt right, so I just did what felt natural…I kissed her…and she returned it. So I was now happy. We went to the hotel, hung around with her friends for a bit, then finally went into a somewhat empty hotel room, and people got the hint and left us alone. We talked a bit, then I leaned in and kissed her, and, well, we had a good time. (no sex) I ended up spending the night with her. Now, I’m not a player type of guy. I guess you could call this the first “hook up” I’ve ever done at a party.
Anyway, FINALLY, here’s the problem: C. and I both knew going into last night that it would basically be a one night thing. I live in NY, and she lives elsewhere (won’t say here…in case friends read…of course, if she’s reading this, I think she’ll pick it up. ) Since I’ll be moving even farther away in two months, then to Europe in November, a relationship with her is about as impossible as it gets.
However, while I was just looking to have a fun time originally, I find as I drove home today (nice long drive) that I could not stop thinking about C. I swear, she has not left my mind since I left the hotel. While we were together, I think it was a bit more tender than the typical one night stand, and maybe she felt something stronger too. (who knows). Anyway, now I’m in a spot where I have no idea what to do. I don’t want to tell my “GF” about it, not because I feel guilty (this has not been a “relationship” for a LONG time), but because I don’t really want to strain our friendship for the last two months we’re together. Also, “C” may or may know about “GF”. The entire wedding party knows, and agreed that I should go for it with “C” that night, and so they very well may have told her about it.
In any case, I don’t think “C” knowing about it now or later will be a problem, considering the situation…but I just don’t know what I should do. I really want to see “C” again, and if we lived close to each other, I’d have already asked her on a date. I don’t know her very well, since we’ve only spent about 15 hours together (and a lot of that was asleep), but I feel like if I don’t at least let her know how I feel, and try to meet her at some point before I leave for Germany that I’ll regret it. I have no idea what could possibly come out of telling her because of the logistics of everything, and I don’t want to ruin the memory of last night by having her think I’m being really psycho by calling her after an obvious one night thing. But I just felt a spark with her, and I won’t know whether it’s simply because I haven’t dated anyone new in 5 years, or whether its because she and I could really have something if allowed to grow.
Ok, so after this BOOK has been written, here are choices and my analysis of each so far:
Call “C” (or write, etc) and explain that I really enjoyed myself, and while originally I thought of it as a one night stand, I really want to get to know her better because she seemed like someone I could really click with.
a) Could end up with something amazing, and who knows what could come out of it. Maybe we hit it off so well she decides to move to Europe with me and ends up my wife. This is extraordinarily unlikely, but hey…stranger things have happened.
a) Could get blown off immediately (not that bad, at least I wouldn’t torture myself.), but it would mean that I felt stuff compltely different to what “C” felt, and that would hurt the memory of the evening that I though was so much fun for both of us.
b) Could meet and then end up with nothing in common and taint the memory of our amazing evening together.
c) Could piss off “GF” for unknown reasons (says one thing and means another in regards to seeing other people…doubtful but possible) and ruin the friendship we’ve built up over the years.
d) THE WORST (and not all that unlikely): Could meet a few times over the summer, we hit it off great, but the limited time spent together makes it impossible for “C” to make the decision to leave her job and family to follow me over to Europe…we both end up wondering “what if” for the rest of our lives.
Forget about “C”, realize that due to the distance and time constraints this relationship has no chance to go anywhere.
Analysis: I see only one outcome for this, and it has both good and bad points: Good: Can’t ruin the memory of the evening for me. Won’t get involved with a girl that’s great for me and then not be able to continue the relationship. Bad: I may always wonder what would’ve happened if I’d called or written.
So, after reading all that, what would you do? Please realize that I am NOT saying that I feel “C” is “the one” or that I fell in love at first sight. I have no idea what would come out of this, I just want to find out what would come out of it. It very well could be nothing…I have only one night to base this on…but right now she’s all I can think about, and she seems like the type of person I would match up well with. I like her a lot.