Help Needed -- Evil Coworker Needs Comeuppance!

The BBQ Pit
21

My first reaction is the same as many other respondents: do nothing. Think evil thoughts, but do nothing. Anything you do, legal or not, will cause you at least some trouble down the road. Why give the witch the satisfaction?

In 30 years of work I have never once seen a company succeed when people like her were allowed to stay. Not once. The person was either fired or the company went under. So smile, say goodbye, and be thankful that you got onto a lifeboat before the Titanic went under.

Anyone out in TSD-land who’s interested in workplace craziness should read (besides Scott Adams, of course) “Toxic Co-workers”. Can’t remember the authors but search Amazon. As a real guide for dealing with workplace craziness, the book is useless; the authors are psychologists who love to describe Personality Disorders but don’t give you any useful strategies for dealing with them. Why then do I recommend it? Cuz the anecdotes are hilarious! I mean, some people are really wigged out. (I include myself.)

Finally, as a thought for revenge: Two pounds of fresh fish. Wrap in freezer paper. Tape down inside front left hubcap of car.

22

Mama Tiger, these people are crazy. Do not listen to them.

If EC uses Word, it’s always fun to add words like “teh” and “iwth” to her spellcheck dictionary. Or set autocorrect so it automatically changes the OA’s name to “Fucking Prick”.

Adjust the brightness and contrast on her monitor so it is completely black. Tip off tech support before you do this, though.

Attach random desk items to her chair with filament line, so that they go flying off when she pulls out her chair to sit down in the morning.

Use her email address to register at the least reputable porn sites you can find. Or send a sabotage email from liquidgeneration.com (totally juvenile stuff, like an animated greeting that’s very hard to hear, then suddenly starts screaming “All anal sex all the time!” like she’s visiting a porn site).

If EC shares office space with anyone, try switching phone cords or monitor cables. Again, notify other co-worker and tech support.

Put a piece of garlic, onion, whatever inside her telephone mouthpiece. Or put scotch tape over the mouthpeice inside – she can still be heard, but will have to talk really really loud.

Set her e-mail defaults to automatically “blind carbon copy” everyone in the office.

If you have a conference phone you can use, dial EC, then while it’s ringing dial OA and conference them together. Put your own phone on mute and listen to see how long they’ll make small talk before figuring out that neither one placed the call.

Get a greeting card that plays an insidious tune. Wrap the musical chip in cotton and tape it in on top of a ceiling tile in EC’s office. Make it quiet enough that she only hears it when it’s especially silent.

More upon request.

23

I hear that the Craftmatic Adjustable Bed folk are long of memory and persistant…

Far be it from me to drop a dism to the IRS about cow-orkers boasting about ‘gray-zone’ deductions for their vaporware businesses…

24

Go over OA’s head. Tell upper management or HR (if you have one) exactly what has been and what is.

Then leave and live your new life in peace.

You don’t pick at scabs if you want them to heal with no scar.

25

Leave a mostly-empty bag of sugar on the ground near the gas cap of her car, in plain sight. If you like, scatter some sugar around the gas cap itself. With any luck, she’ll think her car has been vandalized, and she’ll wind up shelling out for an expensive tow and service work when nothing at all is actually wrong.

26

That’s good max, though I favor the fresh grouper in the hubcap. The lugnuts will tear the thing up, the brakes will heat it up and make it stink but good. Barring that, same grouper, duct taped under her desk. She’ll smell like fish for a while, and if nothing else, it’ll damage her reputation.

27

I say go over OA’s head too. That would be the best revenge.

OF course, I am not above suggesting clogging up her mouse ball (or the optical light) with strategically placed boogers (start stocking up!).

28

Ding dong the witch is dead, eh? Fine! For your last day at work wear ruby slippers and as you walk out for the last time, pull out your witch’s hat, smack it down on your head and cackle all the way out the door.

Or find her bag in the lounge fridge and put a nasty ol’ hair on top of whatever she brought for lunch.

29

Make 100 copies of your ass. Put them in her printer paper feed tray or, failing that, the copier’s feed tray. Make sure that anything printed gets printed on the ass side.

30

Eve, you’re brilliant, evil, and one of the best things about this message board! I’d also add that to this suggestion that it’s best done in front of other co-workers, preferably ones you can have a drink or cup of coffee with later.

Mama Tiger, if you’d like some sources of strictly vicarious revenge, I recommend the works of one George Hayduke, which, I’m told, have marvelous suggestions. :Assumes innocent look:

CJ

31

A :cough: roomate of mine once filled out a change-of-address form (at the post office) for his nemesis. Caused a marvelous shitstorm of missed/overdue bills (so I heard :))

32

I like Cranky’s suggestion of a donation.

Though, Craftmatic Adjustable bed is probably pretty good about mailers, something fundie or Won’t someone Please Think of The Children? are far more mailbox jamming, espescially around Xmas.

What about an anonymous note to the local Jehovah’s with EC home address and pretty soon, the two should meet to irritate each other to no end.

Jack Chick stuff would be hysterical.

33

ebay, ebay, ebay. Register her computer with ebay, using her name, address and e-mail. Bid really, really high on some really rauchy stuff where the auction ends after you are gone.

A friend did this to someone I know, and it took two months for him to straighten the whole mess out.

34

You could also try and steal as many of your old co-workers that you like to come work with you at your new place. My old boss, although I got along with her famously, had half her entire department leave in about two weeks. That’s how I got hired. All of them went to the same place. I think it was more of an office politics thing, than anything she did personally.

35

Shrimp in her hubacaps?

36

That’s the most brilliantly evil thing I’ve read in a long time. Gonna have to remember that one…should’ve known a Texan would come up with that… :smiley:

37

I second this, with qualifications. I’d go up to evil co-worker, tell her that the new job is great, pays twice as much and has great benefits. Then thank her for inspiring you to move on.

38

Great suggestions!

First, I’d go over her head on the last day, or next to last day. The OA won’t help you, and I’ve worked with this type of “team” before-where one is beholden to another for some deep, dark secret. Let the whole ball of wax out, you’ve no longer got anything to lose.

Then, go back up and read the horribly inventive, and evil suggestions that thingol posted. We used to do these exact things in offices all the time. One time we took all of the recycled paper in an entire building and FILLED an extra-large cube. Then we taped plastic over the door and the ceiling. When our administrator got back from his trip, he was cleaning for a week :smiley:

Also, I’d like to add that clear tape on the hookswitch of the phone will confound her for an extended period of time :slight_smile:

Failing all of the above, use Eve’s suggestion and exit stage left gracefully with your spine, dignity, and everything else in tact. This way you won’t feel so guilty when the euphoric buzz of payback wears off.

Sam

39

Read the fine print on the change of address card. Fraudulent use is a felony.

40

Poop on her tummy.