Now that all the hubbub surrounding slythe’s change to Czarcasm has died down, I wonder if the 'Dope can turn its attention to my own identity crisis.
I’ve been Five for some while now, but it’s time for a change. It’s too short, too hard to do a search on (if I want to know if I’m being talked about somewhere), and it doesn’t quite have that certain je ne say… uh, j’ n’est sai… that certain quality I’m looking for.
So help me choose a new one, y’all! After all, I’m not a very prolific poster, but you’re the ones who have to read my name when I do show up. Let me know your thoughts.
Notes:
Glenn Five is one I’m considering. That’s actually my stage name, and is also my name over at snopes. Five is really just an abbreviation of this.
Possible Joe is another idea, and my current favorite. It’s an obscure children’s literature reference.
Chicken of Bristol will not under any circumstances be considered.
Going into this, I have an automatic bias toward anything Eve suggests, if anything. Just so’s y’all know.
Snooooopy: Surely evilbeth is used to disappointment by now.
Rosebud: You’re so linear.
Mjollnir: Good ideas, but I’m not sure I can use any of them. I don’t actually work for that beverage company, so “Wax Tadpole” isn’t appropriate. I don’t understand your next two. “Valley Peach” sounds a little too girly. “Pheidippides” would be terrific, only I’m afraid it would jinx me, and I’d never run another marathon (the original Pheidippides only ran one, you know).
Then Abebe Bicola wouldn’t be appropriate, either–a combination of “Abebe Bikila,” the Ethiopian barefoot runner, and the previously-alluded-to beverage company.
But c’mon, “Fivinator?” A combination of “Five” and “Terminator” (as another person in the area has done). It might set a trend for others in the area, too. (I can just see “Tubinator,” “Mouthinator,” “Spokinator,” etc.)
“Valley Peach?” Yeah, you’re probably right. “Glenn” means “valley,” and the other part should be obvious.
Funf
The funfster
Slaughterhouse King
Cinq
Cinq or Swim
Cinco
Cincopation
Five n’ Dime
Five Alive
Five Glenns and a Chicken
Penta-Glenn
Quintboy
The Five of Pentacles
Funfarama
Five Weddings and a Bar Mitzvah
The Bristol Quintuplets
Five of one, Half a dozen minus two
Full House
V
Rocky V
IIIII, Claudius
101
just how many goddamn senses do you think there are, anyway?
dim(NKOTB)
O’Clock Shadow
Life Saver Flavours
Nickel-boy
The Beaver
Halfdime
bingosqrt
6,7,8,9,10,11,12,doodoodoodoodoodoodoodoodoodoo Doo! Five!
Trigeminal
Maxillary
Phrenic boy
Mandibular
Digitmon
Gimme Ten
Round the Corner
There is no number six
I am not a number!
I am a free man!
What is the big idea, number one, wearing my mask?
Double-O-Five
Hawaii Double-O-Five
MTWTF
Not exactly big and not exactly little
GoldenRing. CallingBird. FrenchHen. TurtleDove. Beer.
Fif
Fifine
Jive
That Police Academy where they go do Moscow
Kindergarden Cop
Finger Discount
The cinqstress
