Help reviewing and critiquing an MBA application essay

Hi all - I’m hoping to get 2 or 3 people with a background in reviewing MBA applications to critique my application essay.
If you might be able to help and have the time please let me know and I’ll shoot it to you in a PM.

Thanks in advance.

ETA - please don’t make comments on the essay in this thread. As has been pointed out to me it may show up in a search if the reviewer does a web search to check for plagiarism.