Might as well pad my post count out to 950, while I’m at it.
There. That should do it.
When someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles to frown. But it takes only 4 muscles to extend your arm and whack them in the head.
May I join in with w small joke?
A polar bear walks into a bar, sits down and says to the bartender, “I’ll have a gin…and tonic.”
The bartender looks and him and says “Sure. Why the big pause?”
The polar bear holds up his front legs and says “I dunno, but my dad had them too.”
:rolleyes:
Then we’ll turn our tommy guns
on the screaming ravaged nuns
and the peoples voice will be the only sound.
-P. Sky
Laughs at above joke.
Fart.
Belch.
Oops, wrong thread.
A grasshopper walks into a bar and orders a beer.
The bartender gets him a beer and proceeds to stare at the grasshopper.
The grasshopper asks, “Is something wrong?”
The bartender replies, “No, not really, but do you know we serve a drink named after you.”
The grasshopper puts his beer down, puzzled, and says, “You serve a drink called ‘Steve’?”
…send lawyers, guns, and money…
Warren ZevonA sad horse walks into a bar and sits down.
The bartender says, “Hey, buddy, why the long face?”
Then we’ll turn our tommy guns
on the screaming ravaged nuns
and the peoples voice will be the only sound.
-P. Sky
Well, as long as we’re padding post counts:
A bunch of astronauts are out exploring the universe, and they land on a planet that has the most marvelous wide, level roads. The roads are so level that they think they have to be graded, and so wide that the astronauts think they must have been made by a race of giants.
So they wander around looking for the giants, and they go into an alley and knock on the first door they come to. One of the locals answers the door, and he’s not a giant, so the head astronaut asks, “Where are the giants who made these marvelous graded roads?”
The man sighs. “Everybody asks that. There are actually simple hammered earth roads. You see, cashews are our main export, and we recycle the shells by mixing them into the local clay. The mixture makes the best roads in the universe.”
Catrandom
“So, you see, my hammered alley is really cashews clay.”
Catrandom
Giving credit (or blame) where it is due, the above joke is attributable to the obscure sci-fi writer Spider Robinson.
Catrandom, having her first experience with flood control
Ok, I’m in
Here’s one for you, jab…http://www.law.umkc.edu/faculty/projects/ftrials/scopes/onionChimpman.html
“Still a man hears what he wants to hear and disregards the rest” --Paul Simon
now here’s the link:
http://www.law.umkc.edu/faculty/projects/ftrials/scopes/onionChimpman.html
Check this out:
http://www.thecats.com
Okay, so three men walk into a bar.
You’d think one of them would have seen it.
(boom tish)
Today at work I said, “It’s a lot of work looking busy all the time!”
And I was serious!
Well, it is!! I didn’t mean for it to sound like that though… : )
Does anybody else have verbal gems popping out of their mouths every now and then? It happens to me a lot.
SW
Here’s some more:HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
She is not a BABE or a CHICK - She is a BREASTED AMERICAN.
She is not a SCREAMER or MOANER - She is VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE.
She is not EASY - She is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.
She does not TEASE or FLIRT - She engages in ARTIFICIAL STIMULATION.
She is not DUMB - She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.
She has not BEEN AROUND - She is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION.
She does not GET YOU EXCITED - She causes TEMPORARY BLOOD DISPLACEMENT.
She is not KINKY - She is a CREATIVE CARETAKER.
She does not have a KILLER BODY - She is TERMINALLY ATTRACTIVE.
She is not an AIRHEAD - She is REALITY IMPAIRED.
She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY - She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.
She is not HORNY - She is SEXUALLY FOCUSED.
She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS - She is MEDICALLY ENHANCED.
She does not NAG YOU - She becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE.
She is not a SLUT- She is SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED.
She does not have MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS - She is PICTORIALLY SUPERIOR.
She is not a TWO BIT WHORE - She is a LOW COST PROVIDER.
I’m depressed tonight.
I need a man.
SW
Hamster dance, that kicks ass
knuckle-dragging hose mongerer.
SDMB Self-Righteous Clique
WHo cares about whimpy frontal nudity. Wanna see an actual sex act? Okay, and no looking kids under 18:
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8=O-:
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Yer pal,
Satan
You think that’s gross, you oughtta be here when he makes doughnuts!