Sorry, SSG Schwartz! I am trying but my friend bailed on me for the movie and I keep trying to take pictures of myself and I either get my face or my boobs, never both, and I don’t have a full length mirror to take a full body photo of myself. I will go through my camera’s manual and see if it has a timer or something.
Well, maybe if you go outside somewhere, someone will check you out again. Then, you just say to that person, “Excuse me, sir, will you take my picture for my online friends to see? They want to see the sexy new me.” I think what would be a reasonable plan, don’t you? I’ve thought about it and I don’t really see any problems with it, except it will be dark soon, so you’d better hurry.
Okay, I am putting up the pictures I’ve got just so you can see some of my awesome. This was me about a year ago. This is me now. And, so you know why he doubled back to check me out, these are my boobs. I tried to encompass all of me in one photo but it is hard to take pictures of yourself!
So, um, How you doin’
SSG Schwartz
Points to previous post about penis ensuing
Things are good, thanks!
You’re cute. Bonus for redheadedness.
Also, I don’t mean to be one of those annoying spelling-correcting people, but I think you mean “voluptuous” in your OP.
I wish I were twenty years younger. Then I could knock heads with all the other rams for the chance to be rejected by you. 
Yep, pbbth, brains & red headed. What’s not to love? Still, how was the date?
Love, Phil
You’re cute! You also have a lovely smile.
The date went very well, phil. In fact, we are going out on date #4 on Thursday, which also happens to be his birthday. So far everything seems to be working out splendidly!
Wow, you look just like someone I used to know!
I love your hair that way.
Your cleavage looks just like some cleavage I used to know…
I think you mean her cleavage looks like some cleavage you wished you once knew
Where are you from, GuanoLad? If you knew this person in the Dallas area it might actually be me. If you are from elsewhere in the country, though, the odds are against it.
You look maaaahvelous daaahling.
Oh, I know it’s not you, because of the whole “name not matching up” thing. And the fact both she and I live in Australia. But the resemblance is strong.
Zowie! You look fabulous!
…wish I still knew, for that matter. 
Cannot view Facebook from work. Pissed off mightily, but congratulates pbbth all the same and thinks volumptious is an excellent word and plans to use it as soon as can figure out how to pronounce it and why is suddenly typing in third person.