I’m a bit late offering my services, but let me give you a brief rundown of my evil-ness:
I work in Accounting for the Government.
It doesn’t get any more evil than that (except for those dastardly IRS examiners - curse them and their inherent evilness!!!)
On top of that, I have a MySpace page and a Blogspot blog, plus I use Micro$oft products on a daily basis, drive a gas-guzzling truck, eat red meat, smoke and drink lots of caffeine (sometimes combining several of those at once).
As per your request I have been giving the company picnic menu some consideration.
Instead of gourmet fare I was thinking along the lines of a classic barbeque. You know, chips, potato salad, icecream, etc.
But to add that touch of evil to the meat I was considering a spread of endangered species. You heard of those small deer in Indonesia, the ones that had never seen people and walked right up to them? Uh, there aren’t any more there now. There* was* a species of wild chicken in Brazil that had never been classified. Note the emphasis on the word was. I also have access to several other sources, some I’d cultivated even before I went to work for SmithCo. Heh, heh, “don’t ask, don’t tell” that’s my motto.
Should you wish the menu to be different, please let me know at your earliest convenience.
Baker
P.S. You will be pleased to know that the CEO of McEvil’s has come down with food poisoning, and is currently in a deep coma, and not expected to recover. So sad. The heirs are said to be interested in selling, should “Dear old Dad” pass away. I advise putting your financial and legal teams to work right away, and make them an offer they can’t refuse.
I don’t suppose you’ve thought of chicken fried yeti? Of course barbecued bigfoot’s always a crowd favorite. And if it’s not too much trouble, dodo dimsum is a favorite of mine.
Is it me, or do we have a recent trend of applications with no CV.attached? Details, people, details is what kills kittens and whatnot. Not “good intentions”. /v
Is it me, or do we have a recent trend of applications with no CV.attached? Details, people, details is what kills kittens and whatnot. Not “good intentions”. /v
pssssst, Boss! They’re trying to make fun of you! That’s a quote from Blazing Saddles. The villian is recruiting bad guys to intimidate those goody goody townspeople. The recruit’s reply as to why he listed the one crime twice was “I like rape.”
Indeed. Let them pull one over on the “old man”. It’s good for morale. I want my Henchpersons happy while I plot their demise, uh, I mean give them raises. Please disregard that bit about demise plotting.
Good ideas, but one problem. I can get the dodo and the bigfoot, but for some reason yeti has become hard to obtain lately. Not extinct, but the little I’ve sampled has not been the best quality, and the price is sky high. The one Sherpa I tortured, er, questioned said the yeti are “organizing” What the Smith that means I have no idea.
If any Smith henchpersons can get me intelligence on this, I’d welcome it. I pride myself on setting a varied table.
As for company games, perhaps we could have three-legged races. Cut off one leg of several prisoners, lash them to an unmutilated prisoner, and first, second, and third placers are allowed to live. The betting would be fantastic!
Softball, with a spiked ball, played against the prisoners, (who wear no protective gear), could also be amusing.
Do my fellow henchpersons have any suggestions along this line?
There has been speculation for many years that the Yeti are actually survivors of Mu. If this is true, they would possess not only great inteligence but also incredibly advanced technology.
There are several alternate theories. But the Muvian theory has the most evidence so far. The idea of the Muvian scientists, with unguessable resources, organizing is troubling indeed.
PS
What about a nice bannana pudding with vanilla wafers?
Does anything say Evil BBQ like Ambrosia Salad?
I recommend some Alligator for the Grill.
Sports: Well as an Evil Empire we should all watch Highlights of the Yankees beating Boston over the decades.