I am growing old, my children, and no longer do I wield the awesome power I once did. I find it difficult (though still…enjoyable) to keep up with the young upstart evil masterminds making their name in the world. Ordinari-cough hack cough… no no, I’m fine…still life in the old dog yet! Where was I…Ah, yes, of course… ordinarily, I would still be able to keep those evil brats out of my hair.
This “Smith”, now…he is not like the masterminds of old. He retains the classical twist of evil, of course, and I hear some of his methods could be said to be quite…medieval. Nevertheless, he is a new and different force to be reckoned with. I am too old, too set in my ways to win victory alone. So, my children, I come to you.
I seek a group of like-minded individuals to take this fight to Smith. Together, our fellowship shall strike fear into the hearts of those who would commit depravity and create mayhem across our fair land. Be there any among you who would take up this challenge? Any of brave heart and stout courage, who are willing to stand against this organisation?
People orphaned by Smith’s organisation, or by Smith himself, preferred. Must have own weapons. If you do not have a wisecracking sidekick, one can be assigned to you.
What were the awesome powers you once did wield? I mean, would we be aligning ourselves with an A-Grade hero, like Mighty Mega-Man, or some B-grade fill-in like Paper-clip Person?
Rev, old friend. You’ve got it all wrong here. No need to set yourself against me! All is forgiven. It’s time to come home, old friend. Remember Stalingrad? SoHo? Remember Esmerelda? She’s here, and she feels the same way. You think I’ve learned nothing? You’re wrong. I’ve learned the most important lesson of all: It’s about people.
Come now, dear friend. We need not fight.
Please speak with Jim regarding travel arrangements. I simply won’t take no for an answer. With Warmest Regards, Yours, /Villain.
Rev, old friend. You’ve got it all wrong here. No need to set yourself against me! All is forgiven. It’s time to come home, old friend. Remember Stalingrad? SoHo? Remember Esmerelda? She’s here, and she feels the same way. You think I’ve learned nothing? You’re wrong. I’ve learned the most important lesson of all: It’s about people.
Come now, dear friend. We need not fight.
Please speak with Jim regarding travel arrangements. I simply won’t take no for an answer. With Warmest Regards, Yours, /Villain.
And, uh, Sunspace, I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt, here. I’d like to take this opportunity to remind everyone: I’m approachable, people. Busy, yes. But don’t for a minute think you can’t come to me with whatever is troubling you. I’ve got an open-door policy, folks (unless it’s closed). It’s about people. I mean that.
Your message tempted me for a moment, old friend. But then, a second letter appeared through my door. Your handwriting, yet two letters exactly the same. You’re getting sloppy, “O Evil One”.
So suspicious, mate. Settle down, old friend, settle down. That’s just an artifact of posting from my evil Blackberry with it’s impossible keyboard.
“O Evil One”, eh? That really takes me back. I just go by “Mr. Smith” these days, but of course you can still call me “Winston”. In fact, I insist, old friend. As you can see, the years have mellowed me, now let’s let bygones be bygones. You can still do, uh, “good” work. And by that I mean “atrocities against man”. Please reconsider my invite to “catch up”. Yours, /v
Are you sure you’re up to this, Revenant Threshold? No offense, but you sound like someone who’s looking through death’s door from the wrong side.
Within reason, I’d be willing to help ladle out hot steaming justice upon the heads of this new band of vile miscreants. Much of my CV is classified but I’m allowed to mention that I’ve frequently foiled the plots of Baron Anathemax von Dread and The Directorate of Fear ™, the Criminals’ Union, local #422, is now installing drywall, and Doctor Nausea’s genetically-enhanced Sabretoothsharkophant is now a rug in my den.
Just one thing: this name “Smith” – does that imply the dude’s got a big iron hammer? 'Cause those things can do some serious damage. The King of Soup’s no coward, but his mother didn’t raise any anvils, can you taste what I’m serving up?
Those are some serious credentials, and if I were Winston Smith I’d alternate quaking in my boots with feverish plotting of your downfall. But are you in Declan’s league?
I mean… he told us this… he’s from the government. He’s here to help.
Good, good. I love it so when the do-gooders congregate. Makes it so easy to unseam them all with a single puissant blow. So easy it almost seems criminal…
Note to self: Following extermination of this latest group of suicide-by-supervillain-tights-and-capes-wearing-freaks, have a pyramid made from their skulls and dedicate it to Mr. Smith. He’ll be so pleased.
Once I was known as The Revenant; a name that struck fear in the shriveled hearts of evildoers across the globe. As to my powers… I don’t want to give away too much, now that our communications have been breached, so i’ll just say “Omega”.
I’m afraid we’re unable to supply defectors with wisecracking sidekicks. While we appreciate your change of mind, our insurers tell us that sometimes defectors find it difficult to get out of the “evil” mindset, and our sidekicks don’t like acid. Other than that, you’ll get full privileges and a free hooded cloak!
All the more reason to arrange matters whilst i’m still alive.
Your credentials seem impressive, and i’m told your work is to a very high standard. We’d be pleased to have you join up. As to Smith’s hammer… it’s been a while since i’ve seen him use it; he’s certainly moved with the times.
I think i’ve earned the right to be suspicious - remember Reykjavík? I thought it was just an unseasonably warm day… that’s a mistake I won’t be making twice, old friend.
But it’s not too late for you. Join us. See the error of your ways. Once we worked together, seeking answers to the mysteries of the universe and for the betterment of mankind. Can there be no reconciliation?
Omega, indeed. Can’t you see you’ve already failed? And yes, I remember Reykjavík. Do you remember saying you’d trade a walk-on part in the War for a lead role in in a cage? I’d truely be doing you a favor killing you, but I won’t.
They got you to trade you heros for ghosts. Hot ashes for trees. Hot air for a cool breeze. Cold comfort for change.
I’m giving you a chance you didn’t give yourself - redemption. Yeah. I remember Reykjavík; I think it’s you that’s forgotten Reykjavík, old friend.
There ya go, Sunspace, ol’ bean – best t’ stick to the villain you know, rather than go to the hero who doesn’t read the thread properly! tears Sunspace’s card up and strolls away.
