I’m certainly convinced that she’s much better than me, though I do cling to the faint hope that I might one day be counted among her many fans. What happy lives they must lead, basking in her radiant glory while she speaks to them the Truths of the Ages.
O Cana-daaaa…
Sorry, emotion overwhelmed me for a moment…
Whew! Boy, I thought you were talking about me in that MPSIMS thread!
I believe the question comes down to one of respect and trust. Who do you feel that way about? For me, it’s not necessarily the same as the people I like or vice-versa. It’s the ones that shoot straight without trying to undermine everything, who use tact and wisdom, want understanding to be complete, change for the better and lessons learned. Also, I especially try to perk up and take notice if what they say backs up a ‘no dog in this fight’ attitude and a general stance of not participating in things just to demean or degrade or prop up their own self-image.
If that’s my criteria, I’d certainly give serious, serious consideration to any advice rendered by, say, WhyNot and QtM, to name two just off the top of my head. Of course, we’ll say for balance, many, many others are worth hearing also. Sometimes, even those you find yourself the most at odds with, but regardless either way, it’s not about a popularity contest nor a pile-on. Take away (whoever you are) the good shit that’ll improve your character and let the rest sink to the bottom.
Or, that’s how I feel about it. The only time I ever pitted anyone, even he (who I no longer feel any animosity towards – if you’re reading along mssmith, I have gotten to where I don’t quite take everything so much to heart, so thank you) told me something important with “growing a thicker skin.” Very smart that, and although I’m sure I must’ve grasped that concept before, he drove it home in a way that encouraged me to accept my own over-sensitivity. And, voila’!, it’s now much better for me concerning that.
How dare you not asssume she might suffer from a rare but debilitating condition know as “thread-blindness”, sometimes also called “threadnesia”?
What are you doing out of the kitchen, and who said you could wear shoes?! Now get back in there, woman, and make me a sammich!
Never, how could I?
I was thisclose to laughing out loud at work. 
See, Lib, I agree with you to an extent. She really is–or could be–an asset here. She IS smart, she DOES write well. Except she’s a bit like you, in that she’s got an ideal of behavior that she herself is not able to live up to. The big difference between her and you is that every so often you see that you’re not living up to what you want from yourself.
I’d be annoyed if QG decided she didn’t get any enjoyment out of posting here anymore, but the fact is that she seems unable to see herself clearly. Of course this is a failing that all humans have. But she’s got it worse than most. Her big problem is she thinks that “being mean” is really bad, and therefore the correct response to meanness is anger, and therefore “mean people” should be judged harshly and condemned rudely. But, by the same measure you judge others, you shall also be judged by. And this is why so many people are annoyed with her…she claims she wants “niceness”, but she doesn’t appeal for niceness in a nice way, she does it in a mean way. She seems to enjoy getting in fights with people.
Of course lots of people have conflicts between what they say they want and what their actions bring them, as you know well. So what you and I and she shoudl be asking ourselves is, “What exactly do we want to achieve by posting here, and given what we write here, can we reasonably expect to get what we say we want?”
Lets take me as an example. What do I want here on the dope? I want to argue about politics, learn and contribute in discussions of science and history, participate in bull sessions about movies and books, argue against egregious misperceptions, bloviate about The Big Issues, joke around and be amused by other’s jokes, and watch from a distance the occasional soap opera or train wreck. And it seems to me that my online persona here never interferes with what I want out of this place. What I write here enables me to participate here in a way that I enjoy. Sure, I’ve been in angry arguments with a few people here, on a few occasions I can recall literally shaking with anger as I wrote. But that’s pretty unusual for me. I’m able to get what I want here because what I consciously want and what I really want are pretty much the same thing.
So…what exactly does QG want here on the Dope? If she wants to get into schoolgirl arguments then she’s going about it exactly right. There are people here whose sole purpose is to fight with everyone else. But is that what she really wants? If she wants something different from the dope she’s going to have to give something different to the dope. I’ve got no problem if her purpose is to feed her self-righteousness by getting into junior hall monitor arguments with everyone, there can be an endless supply of such dramatics here. But if that’s not what she wants, she has to ask herself why that is what she’s getting. Plenty of people are able to post here without drama, some introspection on her part is needed if she wants to be one of them.
Quiddity Glomfuster makes me sad. I do believe her sometimes sanctimonious tone is caused by a lack of awareness of how she is perceived rather than a desire to demean. I get the vibe that, perhaps because she was picked on when she was younger, she instinctively reacts to criticism by curling into a figurative ball and automatically dismissing the negative reactions as those of irrational bullies who are putting her down to cover up for their own insecurities. Which then comes across as being sanctimonious and condescending, thereby confirming people’s impressions of her.
But I honestly don’t think she has the tools to avoid these situations. I think she’s comfortable in the victim role, and the more people lash out at her, the more it will validate her perception that she is special and unique and being disliked is an inevitable consequence of that. Which is too bad, because without the annoying tone, I think she’d have been an interesting and respected poster.
You are right. I’m ashamed of myself.
And laughing my ass off! Thanks.
It’s interesting. There’s no single post I can point to that could explain why I consider QG such a pointless poster. I can’t even gather a dozen to show it. I think it’s not so much the posts themselves as the sheer volume of them. If someone had been here since '99 and had made exactly the same posts spread out over that time, I wouldn’t even recognize their username.
As it is, each post seems to reinforce all the others, over and over, until we get a giant snowball of smug.
Heck, with sufficient time and blows to the head, I might even have forgotten that punctuality thread.
Eh, Quiddy’s doin’ a heckuva job. Gloms don’t fust themselves, people.*
:rolleyes: ADHD people have self-fusting gloms. :rolleyes:
You know, QG, in all honesty, here’s what I recommend.
Make a post in here which reads:
Then make a note of the URL of that post and every time anyone gives you static about your “tone” from that point on, refer them to that post. If you really DON’T care about the opinions folks on here have of you or your perceived attitude, that’s all the defense you need.
Not kiddin’.
Beautiful. My hat is off.
Don’t be sad, Long Necked One. Come here and rest your speckled head on my shoulder. I put it to you that it is not that she lacks awareness of her tone and how she is perceived, but that she does not care. This is IMO a crucial and ultimately damning distinction. Every suggestion that “maybe it’s you,” no matter how tactfully or kindly given, is firmly rejected. Le evidence:
From this very thread:
IOW, “maybe it’s you.” Her response:
Note, importantly, the complete lack of introspection: She intentionally rejects Qadgop’s suggestion that she consider her own style out of hand. If people don’t like her, “too bad.”
Missy2U takes a shot at it:
Suggestion again firmly rejected. The problem couoldn’t possibly be me, therefore it must be you:
Sarafeena tries:
To this, the footwork changes slightly. Perhaps people are not completely wrong about tone, but tone is nevertheless irrelevant. There is still no indication to consider the existence of a problem, much less work on a solution:
But Sarafeena had tried to raise the issue before, with an assist from me to clarify her already crystal-clear point:
Quiddity’s reply is succinct if dismissive – no charge for the side of snark – with the usual amount of introspection, which is to say none:
Not to mention an entire thread dedicated to what an attention whore Quiddity is, and yet through seven solid pages, a light does NOT dawn.
So, alas, I’m afraid there’s no way we can excuse her by saying she just doesn’t get it. For her to truly not get it, she would have to have the intellectual power of a ham sandwich and we should start up a collection to get her a nice helmet and a ball of yarn to play with. To give limited credit where limited credit is due, stupidity does not appear to be the culprit.
Now, maybe you’re right; maybe she just lacks the tools to deal in an adult way with any criticism, no matter how valid. But you are a far better person than I am if you are willing to excuse consistent bitchiness as an emotional disability.
BUT let’s not dismiss her just because she’s a big honkin’ bitch! I do have to admit the high entertainment value of seeing someone post, with an apparent straight-face, such gems as this:
I mean, come on: that’s comedy gold. Anyone who makes me laugh that hard can’t be all bad. 
See? The blows to the head had been working because somehow I had managed to forget that thread.
There is a pile of sand somewhere with a hole in it the shape of my head. I must go find it.
Eek! Oh dear, suddenly I feel like An Authority!
I admit, I’ve had my heart in my throat for the last few days as this pustule’s been building pressure. See, in my own eyes, I’m totally guilty of everything QG’s getting slammed for. Offering benefit-of-the-doubt hypotheticals in defense of unpopular offenders? Check. Admitting I don’t see the need for outright nastiness and viciousness for nastiness and viciousness’ sake, even in the Pit? Check. Sanctimonious tone? Check. Moral/ethical finger wagging? Check. Threadshitting? Oh, dear, pass the Charmin! Pompous, ego-bloated and dense? Aw, hell, check!
But I think the thing that separates us, at least as evidenced in this thread is…I’m not proud of it or defensive about it. I tend to notice I’ve done it about 12 hours afterward, and then I feel like shit because of it. And, when I’m called on it (which I have been), I apologize for it. And when I notice it happening more often than I can excuse in myself, I back off, and I edit, and I leave Previews up for a long time while I go do other things, then come back to decide if I really want to post. And I think the other thing is that I don’t insist that my version of events is the only one. Sure, I might hypothesize that the bitch who cut you off in the bathroom line might have been pregnant or suffering from a UTI or have a catheter that needs changing - but I’ll also add that she should have apologized anyway and that the whole thing is entirely a guess on my part! I’m all for preaching more peace and patience and love for your fellow man, but I also recognize that, no, the lady might just have been an asshole.
In other words, I think I post a whole lot like QG a whole lot of the time, only I add a lot of disclaimers (probably too many). I try to be very clear when things are the World According To Me and to own my own feelings - like in the gender indicator thread. I was the other poster who indicated that I sometimes feel IRL like my words are judged differently based on my gender. But I accept that that is my perception based on my one life, nothing that can be extrapolated further.
People cut me a lot of slack for my more over-the-top moments, and I really appreciate it. (Or maybe I’m just on everyone’s ignore list!) I guess what it comes down to is that I’m not afraid to apologize when people point out that how I’m coming off isn’t how I intended to. I guess the difference is really that heart in my throat - that’s telling me it’s not them, it’s me. And as long as I’m aware that I’m flawed, I won’t suffer for apologizing for it.
Quiddity Glomfuster, I like you a lot. I read most of your posts, I think, in the tone in which they were intended. I “get” you, I think, because you’re so much like me. I could have written that history as an autobiography. I don’t personally have a problem understanding your intentions. And I’m really shocked that so many people do. But this thread makes it indisputable that you’re not communicating clearly with a lot of people. You can indeed choose to tell them to fuck off and know that at least one poster - me - will continue to “get” you. But if that’s the case, then why post on the board - you could just email me. 
If I was the one getting this feedback, I’d try to be less defensive and more receptive to suggestions and try to change my posting style so that more readers “got” me - because I like the high feeling I get when people “get” me. The highlight of my pathetic day is someone saying, “I agree with WhyNot, and furthermore…”. But of course that’s entirely your decision.
Even if you KNOW that navy is navy and that’s the way it is and you’re absolutely right, it’s not communicating anything to people who understand blue and are confused or offended by navy. Better to stop using navy and start using blue, or use navy blue. Stupid example, I know, but the point is that communication is circular. It’s not finalized by what you say - it’s mostly how it’s received and interpreted. If it wasn’t, we’d all be Blogging with locked comments fields instead of talking on a message board.
These two statements when put together do not compute, man. When I read the thread title about “do you remember who you argue with here?”, the punctuality thread is exactly what came to mind.