Ya know sometimes the irk PTB can be good people. I offer the followin’ as proof.
Phone call from hosebeast at 7:30 A.M. which is waaaaaaay early to deal with the likes of her.
Me: Good Morning, Irkplace, this is da bear.
Hosebeast: Bear, I’m having second thoughts about this new job and have decided I don’t want to take it but stay here instead.
Me: (in my haid… LIKE HELL YOU WILL!!!) Hosebeast you have already resigned and all your resignation paper work has been sent in to corporate. Corporate has informed me everything is cleared and the position will be advertised beginning next week so you are no longer officially employed here.
Hosebeast: Well can’t you talk to corporate and tell them I changed my mind?
Me: (in my haid… Sure and right after that I’ll go have me a big ol’ plate of raw fart blosoms) Once somebody has resigned there’s nothing I can do so no.
Hosebeast: Well, I’ll call corporate then and say I’ve changed my mind.
Me: That’s your call.
End of conversation.
10:45 A.M. call from corporate, one of many I get each day so I’m thinkin’ Oh What Now!
Me: Good Morning irkplace this is da bear.
Corporate: Hey bear, guess who I just talked to!
Me: Probably Hosebeast because she’s already called to whine at me.
Corporate: Yep. Did she tell you she’s changed her mind and wants her job back?
Me: (in my haid… if you told her she could I will get in my vehicle drive over there and force feed you raw fart blossoms) Yep she did. I told her her resignation and paper work had already been accepted and that the job would post next week so she is officially no longer employed.
Corporate: I said the same thing. I did tell her, because I have to, that the only person who could plead her case would be you. Gotta feeling that will not happen, right?
Me: (in my haid… I love you!) You got the right feelin’ there. No way am I gonna do that. Reckon she’ll call?
Corporate: Surely not. Come on, not even she would think that would happen.
Me: I see I have a voicemail since I’ve been on the phone with you. Wanna bet a cookie it’s her?
Corporate: Ok. Check it and then tell me.
<Corporate on hold while vm is checked>
VM: Hi bear it’s Hosebeast. Corporate said I could come back if you approve it. (Note that is NOT what she was told) Please call me so we can talk about this.
<Corporate off hold>
Me: I want a chocolate chip cookie.
Corporate: No! She didn’t!
Me: Yep. She said, and I quote, “corporate said I could come back if you approve it. Please call me so we can talk about this.” She ain’t gonna like that conversation.
Corporate: HEE! You know that’s not what I said, right?
Me: I know. It’s just what hosebeast heard. Hell, I’m surprised she just didn’t show up and say you said she could come back what with her being the definition of dense and all.
Corporate: This is true. Rest assured, however, she is gone.
Me: YAY!!!
Corporate: Try not to do too many cartwheels down the hall, ok bear? Bye!
Me: I’m more of a backflip kinda guy but I’ll try to hold it down. Bye!
(In my haid… <Sigh> Guess I should call Hosebeast and just get it over with)
Me: Corporate did not tell you it would be ok if you came back on my say so. Corporate told you I would be the only one who could plead on your behalf and you and I both know that will not happen. Your best bet is to take that job you’ve been offered. You are not coming back here.
Hosebeast: Why don’t you want me back?
Me: (In my haid… I’d forcefeed you raw fartblossoms except that would be cruel to the fartblossoms) You know very well why so we’re not going to get into this. Bye.
End of Hosebeast.
Just a little story to entertain y’all. 