Inspired by this thread.
These are the only three words my mother’s husband has ever spoken to me. They came when I went to help my brother move out of her house after she kicked him out.
I haven’t spoken to my mother in almost 11 years. Basically, it has to do with her divorce from my father (her Husband #2) and her subsequent marriage to her Husband #3.
Husband #3 was (and still is I assume, been a while since I’ve had the pleasure of his company) the single biggest piece of maggot-infested, bald-headed, short-man-syndrome-having donkey shit in the known universe. Between being beaten by both him and his son, the psychoslut that is his daughter, and his quite literally insane mother, it could be said that I decided that I no longer wished to have any kind of relationship with my mother so long as they were in the picture. We got in a fight one day and I told her to not come pick me up next weekend as she would just be wasting fuel.
Lord knows she’s tried to bridge the gap a few times. She still bought me Christmas and birthday cards and presents for a few years, before I asked her to stop. Every now and then I get a letter or a card from her which basically say that she’s sorry for whatever it was she did and how she wants to make amends.
I’ve gone back and forth the last year or so between wanting to try and salvage some sort of relationship from this woman who I lived inside of for nine months. It just seems that every time I begin to get ready to try and reconcile, I manage to find a reason. For example, the kicking out of my brother, or her leaving alcohol out where my addict little brother can easily get to it.
I found out that my cousin is getting married in a little more than a month. This cousin is on her side of the family, and has never given me any shit like, “You know, you really should talk to your mother.” She doesn’t, but her mother and our uncle sure do. This is why I don’t stay in touch with them very much.
Anyway, this cousin wishes for me to attend her wedding. My mother will be there, along with her Husband #4, who has only said three words to me my entire life.
I want to go to my cousin’s wedding. Do I just stay on the other side of the room for the whole day? What if she comes up to me and says something really, really evil like she has a tendency to do? Do I just tell her that all is forgiven but I just don’t see how she adds anything positive to my life?
Recently, I’ve been trying to develop a personal creed of “Stop Whining.” I blamed a lot of shit on her for a long time, like my difficulties with women and my inherant (and sometimes painful) shyness. This kind of leads me to want to tell her that she just doesn’t matter to me at all anymore, and that I think I’m better off without her. Is this wrong?
AAARRRGGHH!