(I’m thinking about developing a Claire/Sylar quotient for a given episode, since the producers are hell bent and committed to having them in every single frigging one. Low CQ= Claire in it, but not about her story, she just shows up for some quick exposition and sock washing; high CQ=girlsex. This SQ- some Sylar, less about him than how he’s affecting Matt and/ or others, all head-Sylar, no meatbag. This ep; Low CQ; Mid-range SQ.)
Woohoo-the right and proper “Previously, on Heroes”! Trying to sneak Parkman in last week? You goobers weren’t fooling anyone. You may be as manipulable as an ergonomic sippy cup, but you give good voice, Mohinder. Welcome back!
Samuel: Here’s what I need from you, Hiro. I need you to go back in time nine weeks and find a man named Mohinder Suresh
Hiro: How about right now? Do you want to use my phone? I have his number
Samuel: Has he picked up his messages recently? No? That’s because I killed him. Such a mistake!
Hiro: Oh no! You want me to save him? Of course, you just had to ask, you didn’t have to kidnap Charlie to have me do this
Samuel: Oh, sod that pretentious twit. He can stay dead-just get there before he burns up my movie
Hiro: What is on it, 70’s porn?
Samuel: No, I got angry and killed Dr Suresh trying to swipe his film that showed how powerful I really am. Just as he completely explained in that conversation I overheard between him and Joseph. Hey, grab those cans and load up the truck. See, we recycle, we’re environmentally conscious freaks, weirdos and manipulators.
Hiro: Your karma is so far in the crapper you could recycle western Brazil and still come back as a turd roach for the next 75 reincarnations. And I’m not saying that just because you killed an Indian.
Samuel: But really, I just want to see me cause an earthquake by kicking my way out of the womb. You go get me that movie, and your girl comes back from the abyss. Deal?
Hiro: I will save Dr Suresh and retrieve your birth video, Evil Butterfly
Samuel: Quit calling me that!
Hiro: You know, most people are embarrassed by the home movies of their birth
Samuel: But dude, earthquake! Remember, don’t worry too much about saving the professor. He’s really a bit of a tightass, and we have you and Lydia for that.
*Wavy lines back two months, to Chennai- in July. Holy crap, I want to turn on an air conditioner just thinking about that. Mo’s tutoring some dark haired 13 year old girl in something scientific. *
Annie: Molly? Is that you?
Not Molly: Dr Suresh, you’re so smart!
He’d better watch out, those little 7th grade chicks crush easily. Semi-luckily, he’s acquired a girlfriend since we saw him last -whats her face, the ex from the 1st season who kept trying to veer him away from his DNA-laced destiny. She looks like she’d slash any poor kid who got googoo eye’d over her man. She looks like she’d just slash any poor kid, just on principle. Hey, I think I know what happened to Molly…
Mira: I’m so glad you finally quit pursuing that ridiculous research of your fathers’. That was turning you into a crazy man
Mo: I got better
Mira: That ‘special abilities’ insanity- you didn’t actually believe any of that, did you?
Mo: Picks up a rock, throws it six miles into the Atlantic; No, it was all foolishness.
Mira: Hey, what’s with all this old research stuff of your dad’s? Get rid of it, it makes you obsessive and you’re so much harder to domineer when you’re fixated on that super abilities bunk
Mo: Yes dear.
Molly: Someone let me out of the basement!!!
*That other blonde hero chick- not Clarie, the other one…Tracey, right. She’s hanging out at the coffee shop, being a high powered Washington power person and all. Or, not so much anymore. Someone tacked up some posters in the shop-Circe de Sullivan is coming to town! *
Tracey: Imagine running off to live with the circus. That could be so cool
Waitress: God, can you imagine living with those freaks?
Tracey: God, can you imagine sucking up to truckers all day to get an extra quarter for a tip?
Waitress: God, can you imagine what I’m going to hork into your next refill?
Tracey: Watch it, sister, I think I’m losing my cool…actually-freeezies; *cracks coffee mug *-I’m not losing my cool! Dammit! *Exeunt *
Peter: I told you, this isn’t the first time you’ve woken up somewhere bizarre after a week long bender. Stop worrying!
Nathan: So, a senator disappears for a week, no one notices?
Peter: As long as you aren’t found with a dead girl or a live boy, no one cares! Besides, you aren’t exactly the chair of the armed services committee… Hi ,Haitian.
Haitian-Back off Syl-sailor, I’m here to talk to Peter
Peter: Jeeze, chill out Rene, what’s up?
Haitian: Oh, God, Angela told you, too? Why do I trust her? Mrs. Petrelli sent me to erase your and -his- memories of the last week, but in good conscious I can’t do that to you. I won’t tell you why not, of course. You need to decide this for yourself. But check out this Nathan shaped box at this address-that should be far less traumatic a way to find out that your brother is… Don’t tell-him.
Peter: Sure thing, dude. Psst, Nathan, get your flying coat on, we’re going to the storage lockers.
*Mo’s snuck out of bed and fished his dad’s crap out of the trash. He fires up the movie projector-hey, that clattering won’t wake the girlfriend up- and starts the Chandra Suresh Coyote Sands film retrospective. Reel one: ‘Samuel’. *
Chandra, 40-odd years ago: I know most people use paper and pen to keep a journal, but we really have amazing funding. God bless the US military industrial complex! In our research we have found that people with abilities emit a sort of ‘force’…
Mo: A ‘Force’? What, it’s all midichlorians? You have to be kidding me. Well, go on, Obi-Wan…
Chandra: ……one in particular seems to be affected by them-a pregnant woman.We think her baby’s ability is strengthened by being around other people with abilities, causing seismic disturbances
Mo…So, you sent her far away from that camp full of people with abilities, right?
Chandra: So we’re keeping her here in the camp full of people with abilities so we can watch the birth. This should totally rock! ……What do you mean, the baby’s coming now? Hey, what’s shaking the cabin? Whoa-aaaaaaaaaaarrrrggggggaaaaaaaa!!! and the film cuts out
Mo: I understand. It’s all falling into place now. It’s in our DNA. In every decision in life, there are two paths we can take: the prudent, sensible path; or,we can behave like a Suresh. Given the choice, we pick the path that’s most likely to result in someone getting shot, tazed or turned into a roach. I’m going to end up murdered by some crazed person with an ability and anger management problems, just like my father was. I’m doomed. Flips through a notebook What’s this? Schematics for a compass? Fascinating-let’s see what’s in the tool drawer…
Claire’s- in this episode too? Of course, doesn’t she have to be in all of them?-is sneaking into dad’s place to use the washer again; instead of quarters, she finds the doorknob in a melted slurpee puddle on the floor. From the bathroom-Thud, thud, thump. *
Tracey: Jeeze, rub it in, why don’t you! That’s my problem I’m here to see your dad, I need his help
Claire: Are you sure about that? The last person he helped ended up being killed by the cops.
Tracey: Frosts up Aiiiiii! I’m freezing and I can’t stop!
Claire: Settle down, we can fix this. Take your clothes off, and get in this hot bath
2 million former Heroes viewers: Dammit, why didn’t you get these two in the bathtub together in Season 3? We’d still be watching!
Claire: I’ll make some tea
Tracey: I’ll sit in here and- freeze all the water in this tub? Craaaaaack. Splash. Wow, the guy downstairs is going to be pissed.
Claire: Oh, just chill out…she grabs Tracey’ arm…
Claire: Ruh roh,
……and freezes solid.* (Hey, have we found a way to kill the unkillable girl? Stick that in your footnotes, people)
Tracey:Ooooh shit- I killed Noah’s kid! He’'ll never help me now. Maybe if I put her in a hot bath…draaaaag,*crack, smash.(Holding a broken off frozen Claire foot) *Shit, now I broke her too! Waaaaahhhh!
*Peter and Nathgabler land at the U-Store locker. *
Peter: You go see what’s in there; I’ll just go outside and have a smoke. I’m sure Rene won’t mind you seeing what’s in here, contrary to his explicit instructions
Nathler finds a big ole refrigerated(?) coffin, and really doesn’t seem too surprised that he has. He opens up to find-hey, he’s pretty well preserved for being dead two months. Someone even sewed him up. Think Noah got stuck with that?
Nathler: Peter??!! Get in here, oh my god, I’m dead!
Peter: Really? *Peeks in coffin. Hey, that is weird
Nathler: Weird? Weird?! I spend two months telling you I feel like literally I’m not myself, I black out for a week, and now I find my violently murdered corpse-which seems like it’s been on ice for about two months-and all you got for me is 'wow, that’s weird?” No offense, Pete, but just when did you start smoking enormous amounts of pot?
Grabs Nathler’s shoulders for the patented Petrelli brother deep gaze-into-Nathan’s-eyes-nay-unto-his-very-soul:
Peter: *Nathan, you may be dead, but you’re still sarcastic. So don’t worry, you’re as you as usual. Settle down, this has to be a fake-hey, don’t touch it! Ick!
*Nathler grabs his/its hand, and replays the very messy last few moments of Nathan Petrelli’s /Gabriel Gray’s lives-the Franken-slash to the throat, the syringe to the throat, and having Parkman screaming into his face that he no longer exists. *
Nathler: Aiiggah!! I need to see Parkman, I think he knows what happened
Peter: We need Matt to get you out of this mess? Oh, god, this *will *end badly
As the dawn falls (rises? Yeah, dawns rise) over Chennai, Mohinder’s passed out over his lab table again and the wife is pissed-that grumpy little harridan:
Mohinder: I’ve made a remarkable discovery, Mira!
Mira: Again? Oh god, you didn’t drink it, did you? Idiot!
Mo: No, I built it- a compass, like my father described. Now I can find this earthquake causing man.
Mira: facepalm:You’re cute, Mohinder, but yeah, you’re doomed. Get out of my house.
C’mon buddy grow a pair, don’t let that dame push you around or talk you out of doing something stupid!
And his little compass starts spinning-slowly. Not zippy-fast like when Peter or Tracey had it.( Not so special anymore, are we, doc? Hmmmm.) And Mohinder gets his ‘I’m going to do something stupid’ face on, because you just can’t fight that force of nature that is the Suresh “You did WHAT?? You Idiot!!!” gene.
Claire: Thanks for breaking my foot off-that kickstarted my healing. Oh, didn’t my dad ever tell you? I heal.
Tracey: How come everyone else got a real cool ability?
Claire: You could have ended up with a metal arm.
Tracey: I don’t think people like us can live in the real world
Claire: Well, *you *can’t, not until you can order a Starbucks without turning it into a frappacino.
Tracey:I was thinking about joining up with a circus full of special people; I met their leader, his name’s Samuel
Claire: I met him too, he seemed nice. Not like they’re a bunch of normie murderers or anything. Just don’t tell his niece you know dad.
Noah: Hi ladies…all wet and wearing my clothes. Claire, don’t you have somewhere else to be about now? So, Tracey, what brings you here…
Nathan, back at the office: So do we ever really know ourselves, Pete?
Peter: Don’t be so introspective, it’s freaking me out! Shallow, sarcastic, that’s the Nathan we know and love. I’m suppose to be the sensitive one.
Assistant: I found your friend, Senator; he was shot by the cops and they found a dead guy in his trunk. Sir, when you were appointed to the Senate, do you remember anyone doing a background check on you?
Peter: So, wanna hit the air so I can go heal Matt and we can find out what’s going on?
Next up in Volume 2: Mohinder returns to the USA to get his ass kicked; and we try to figure out just what the hell happened in that hospital room, and who was wearing what body when they left.