what to do with his character so we just kept killing him and killing him but he wouldn’t stay dead. So tonight, just to squirt some lemon juice over the salt in the wound, we’re giving him the ‘previously’ duties before we shove him under the Zamboni for good. No hard feelings Adrian! See you at the Christmas party? Hey, where you going? We may need you to come back so Sylar can pretend to be you again…hey, where you going, wait up!
Lydia: I know about you killing Joseph, you know I know about you killing Joseph, and you know I know that I know you’re going to threaten to hurt my kid to keep me from telling. So I won’t. Just so you know.
Samuel: Well, that was easier than I thought it would be.
New minion: Please let me be your new minion, Samuel!
Samuel: Well, that was easier than I thought it would be. Just try to kill one guy at the thanksgiving table, and they all fall into line! This evil overlord stuff’s pretty easy once you finish with the prep work
Noah: So you will have to forgive me, Lauren, it’s been a while since I slept with anyone I wasn’t married to.
Lauren: You know, it might just be a little while longer, hotshot. What makes you think we’re going to sleep together?
Noah:Besides that half stick of eyeliner and smok’n top you’ve got on? You know three years ago you totally came on to me, but I was a good boy and turned you down; then you had the Haitian erase your memory of wanting to sleep with me. A girl willing to have her memory erased wanting to have an affair with me- god, you would have been, like, the perfect mistress. I’m still kicking myself.
Lauren-What’s that freaky schwoopy noise?
Noah: I dunno. Look at my compass…hey, its gone. Troublesome daughter must have stolen it!
Lauren: You sure are a trusting dad. Can’t imagine why she feels alienated. We can find her, no sweat, when we aren’t killing people the CIA has cool spy shit to play with. We have this kid working for us now who can find anyone anywhere by sticking his hand on the monitor, name’s Micah, great kid, but he should really be in school, now that I think of it…
New Minion: Hey, can I come in. I only look like a mafia wannabe
Noah: Uh, blow me?
New MinionMinion: Oh look, I’m in.
Lauren: Hey, you can replicate yourself! That’s not annoying at all. Hey Noah, you still keep a piece taped under- flips the table, grabs gun underneath yeah, you can take the man out of the Company… bang bang bang and Minion ghost 1 vaporizes. Like that’s gonna be a long term solution
New MinionMinionMinion: Nyah Nyah. Made a new me
Noah: To the can!
Lauren: You’ve got guns in here? Me too! Grabs the gun taped to her thigh
Noah: Is it some kind of law that lady CIA agents have to hide a gun in their panties?
Lauren: Naw, we just do in 'cause it looks hawt. Peeks out Damn, looks like one of those minions stole your files. You did back them up, right?
Noah: Sure, right on that lap-shit, did he take the laptop too?
Lauren: You so need a partner, you do realize that?
Angela: Peter, sweetheart, I know you want your brother back, but you really shouldn’t go chase down Sylar; . He’s killed 50% of my children already and I worry so
Peter:You were the one who said Nathan was only technically dead.
Angela: I got over it! And so should you.
Peter: I don’t think I’m quite ready to move on yet. Besides, the only thing that’s going to bleach the site of Sylar and you kissing is about 45 minutes of Biblical level violence on his face. He grabs a bag, cleans out the pharmacy, hand clamps some power mojo from Rene and goes to get his vengeance on
Bitchy lifer nurse: Hold up that elevator!
Peter: You’re looking at me funny. Not that patronizing scary face you usually have on, this is different. Oh shi-
Bitch-nurse/Sylar morph: Yeah, I get my body this afternoon. Bams Peter through a wall, (but since it’s still under construction, it’s not that big a feat) and grabs the bag of drugs. Hey, are we going to a party later?root root- What’s this-Rohypnol? Peter, you creep! Oh waitaminute, that’s for me, right?
Peter: Actually *smashes Sylar in the face with something large and smashy- *that *is *for a party later. And why are you dressed like a Mormon? Hey, smash! what’s with all this whomp! blood all over your thwack! face? Cat got your abilities?
Sylar: My abilities! You mean I have to whomp whomp whomp! punch you out with my fists? What did you do to me? Thunk thunk OW SWEET JESUS!!! What was that?? Aaaarrrraaaaaggghhhh!
Peter: Yeah, I did just shoot with a nail gun through your testicle. Promethea, that was for you. Merry Christmas. And on with the Jesus metaphor! Nails Sylar’s hands and feet to the floor. I want Nathan back! *Tries to Haitian brain-wipe Sylar out of his body, but just succeeds in making the the two of them look constipated. *
Sylar: Sure, no problem! He wants the body during this horrifically painful torture session, it’s all his! & morpharoo’s into Nathan
Nathan: Jeeze Pete, couldn’t you have gotten Sylar to heal all this before he left? Ow!!
In part 2, a familiar face goes bye bye in front of the shittiest green screening yet realized on broadcast TV