heroin is a very addictive drug, and if inpatient rehab hasnt worked or an intervention there are still many options out there that will help her, but she has to reach her rock bottom in order to overcome her addiction
My family has been through this as well. It is painful and gut wrenching to go through. There were relapses, tears, aborted stints in rehab and much, much more.
In the end, she has to want to get clean. Hopefully, this will happen soon and your family will be able to heal.
I do is recommend that the entire family get some sort of counseling to deal with the emotional baggage this sort of thing brings on. Hugs and best wishes to you all. Please feel free to vent here, it is your safe zone to do so.
this is a complete myth that kills a lot of people. Certainly you have to want it for yourself to stay sober, but not to get sober. When you’re in the depth of addiction you can’t think straight, but that doesn’t mean you’ll feel the same way once the drugs are out of your system for awhile.
She has been shooting it. It started with opiates and went from there. She had some issues when she was with her ex-boyfriend, and was off of drugs from last July through the middle of December. Her ex-boyfriend hooked her, and he is in bad shape right now.
We have all just been talking for the last few hours. I’ve read every word that has been posted, and just paraphrased a comment here. I told her that we can’t do this for her, and that she needs to be the one to step up and make plans. She is completely not used to making decisions and has relied pretty heavily on us to help with this or that guide her in decisions, etc. I told her if she wants to leave this area to get away from these people, to get busy and make plans. She wants to know how, with no money or car. I’m telling her that she will be 21 in a couple of months, and now is the time to step up and figure it out. She has no earthly clue how to make changes.
This is a small town and word will spread fast. She can’t hang out with the druggies, and says that the straight kids won’t want anything to do with her. Well, you play and you pay.
My sister is spending the night, and will come with me when I drop her off at rehab tomorrow. I’ll be glad to have the moral support.
I called the shop where my monitor and GPS unit were pawned. They are gone - sold.
A “complete myth”? So you would make it my fault if my addicted relative died because I might not have done enough to get him/her detoxed? Ridiculous. Way to take the responsibility off the addict and put it on the loved ones, dude. That’s where the addict likes it.
Maybe sometimes involuntary commitment works (do you have statistics?), but that is not my experience. My ex was involuntarily detoxed several times but drank himself to death, nevertheless. I do not accept the responsibility for that. I got my daughter into heroin detox and rehab, but until she did it for herself much later without my help, she did not get better. You can do and do and do for an addict, but at bottom, their treatment is their responsibility.
But I will back off my absolute statement, because there are no absolutes; everyone is different. And I will just hope for the best for purple haze’s daughter.
Heroin addiction is a hard one to beat, but people do.
My best wishes and hopes that your daughter is one who will beat it.
Allow me to chime in and say to take good care of your son right now, as well as your husband. This kind of family crisis often overwhelms families and sometimes you simply have to “re-group”. At every opportunity, tell your son and husband how much their support means to you, but also let them know you are there if they need support. Don’t let your daughter be the sole focus of your life - step back and realize you still have an entire family. I know it might sound stupid, but take your son to see a movie and hit McDonalds while your husband watches your daughter, or have your husband take your son out for a day. Everyone needs a break during this!
I said nothing of the sort. please don’t put words in my mouth.
I don’t have statistics on this, just going off personal experience and what I’ve been told by addiction specialists. If you would have asked me when I went into to rehab, I would have said I was going voluntarily, but that’s only half true. It was more like family members pushed me to do it and I was finally too exhausted to say no.
That’s what I mean by my statement. I had no desire to get sober when I went into treatment, but I haven’t had a drink since and I sure as hell don’t ever want to go down that road again.
Oh, as another example, I go to a lot of AA meetings and believe it or not quite a few of those people sent there by the courts end up deciding that yes, in fact they do need help.
I am not saying any of this is someone else’s responsibility, just that it is completely untrue that people “just have to hit rock bottom” or have to drag themselves into rehab in order for it to work.
5-HT, I am very glad your intervention had a happy outcome. I have not been as fortunate in my experiences along those lines, and the people I know and have talked to echo my sad results.
I wish all rehabs could have an impact such as yours, and I wish you all the best in your continued sobriety.
Praying for you and your family today for what I imagine will be a very difficult day for all involved.
In my experience working with addicts the single thing I run into over and over again is that until they WANT sobriety all the pushing and begging and crying and love in the world won’t do it for them. They have to want it for themselves. Not for their family…not for any other person…for themselves.
I can’t tell you the number of women I’ve worked with that once they truly embraced that first step (Admitting we are powerless over our addictions and compulsive behaviors, that our lives have become unmangeable) that they were able to see the light at the end of the tunnel and start toward a healthy lifestyle.
And I’ve seen others that honestly believe they are in control of their addictions and those around them shouldn’t worry…simply not true.
Again, I am sorry for the struggle your daughter has ahead of her but it can be done if she wants it.
Heroin was pretty prevalent in the area I grew up in. I’m one of the few in my group of high-school friends that isn’t dealing with addiction.
Good advice has already been given. My only addition is:
Don’t give up on her, and let her know that you won’t.
Purple haze, I have no experience in addiction so I have no advice. I just wanted to wish you and your family the best.
I dropped her off today. Nice place, great staff, and it’s about a 20 minute drive from home. They plan to keep her from 10 days to two weeks, depending on what insurance will cover. After the insurance runs out, out the cost will be $500 per day if we want to keep her there for a month (suggested). The success rate for the shorter term stay is a paltry 11%, while the odds go up to somewhere in the 30% range for a 30 day inpatient program. It’s shocking and sad how low the success rate is.
I mentioned to the intake person what we have been trying to get across to our daughter; that she is not welcome to come back home when rehab is over. We talked about halfway houses, and I also mentioned that relocating away from this immediate area would be a good idea, to keep away from certain people. They will offer suggestions for that. My daughter got very tearful at that. I think our matter-of-fact discussion of places she can live from now on really hit home as a reality.
As much as I would like her to live here, we need to stick to what we said we would do, and not open our house to her. It’s so very difficult, but I’m hopeful it will be what’s best in the long run.
Faithfool sent me a Valentine that arrived today, and it couldn’t have come at a better time. I dropped my daughter off and picked up the mail on my way into the house. It was just what I needed to feel less alone. Thank you.
She was angry when I left because of the realization that she can’t come home, but did call tonight to apologize. She had said ‘I’m sorry I told you’, as I was leaving, but I took that reaction to be normal under the circumstances. It was still nice to hear that she has met a few other patients and they are friendly.
Best thoughts to your entire family…
Write this down;
“You cannot help someone by doing for them what they could, or should, do for themselves.”
It’s your new mantra. I had it taped up on several things in my house for a few years, it really helped me to deal with a difficult situation. I knew it was true, but I had to keep reminding myself it was the right course. Seeing it, over and over, everywhere I looked, really helped.
You can’t choose whatever path she takes when she comes out of rehab. She’ll have to find her own way, and it will not be easy. She will turn to you for help, it’s what she knows, she’ll try and work you, because she knows how. Use your mantra as a protection prayer.
It’s far more important that you’re a different person when she gets out, than that she is, in truth.
I will be remembering you in my prayers, and your family.
Please keep us updated, we will be wondering how you’re all doing!
purple haze, my thoughts have been with you for the last couple of days. It’s a mad emotional roller-coster you are on.
Tough love has been mentioned a couple of times here already. It goes further - some help your daughter can only find from people other then you. Professionals, of course, but also other recovering addicts and people who do not have mother-daughter emotional involvement with her. She needs to learn that. You both do. She needs to learn a lot and start growing up, catch up with all she has lost to the heroin haze so far.
It makes you want to cry, I know. Here (Britain) we have health service. Even so, it’s a lottery what your local council will pay for, then you are on your own. In my experience these two more weeks are really important - recovery only starts after the drug is out of your system, the acute withdrawal symptoms are down and you can start thinking straight. You can look rationally at your options, start on the way to sorting out the mess.
Please, don’t let it discourage you. The odds show it ain’t easy, but you already know that. They include all kinds of situations - some of them don’t apply to your daughter, or not any more, i.e. people sent there directly from emergency who never made a conscious decision to stop. Your daughter sought help at death’s door only, last time. This time round she told you herself, has stuck it out, with your help, for the last week, and got into rehab. Each step improves her odds. * And* she has the experience from last time that detox is not enough.
purple haze, I don’t have any relevant experiences or wise words to share, I just wanted to let you know that my heart is breaking for you. I wish you and your family the best, and hope things start getting better soon.
Purple Haze.
Narconon is NOT Narcotics Anonymous. Narconon is a Scientology front group. Narcotics Anonymous (NA) is a 12 step program.
Narconon took $3k from a new mother trying to detox the father of her child. Stay Away.
I detoxed my husband. My heart goes out to you. Keep coming back.
Keep in mind that your daughter HAS succeeded in getting clean once. She just didn’t stay clean forever. Since she has done it once before she can do it. The big problem is she has to want to get sober and want to stay sober. No one else can do that part for her.
It is actually fairly normal for a recovering addict to get clean, stay clean awhile, then relapse. It’s heartbreaking but it’s not the end of the world. Keep in mind, when she cleans up this time she may relapse again in the future - it may be a month later, or a year later, or 10 years later. Or maybe never. That’s where “taking things one day at a time” comes in.
It’s a serious situation but there is hope here.
Narcanon is NOT Nar-Anon. Nar-Anon is 12 step based support organization for family & friends of addicts, equivalent to Al-Anon.