OK, so I’m pissed off at this guy and he doesn’t think he did anything wrong, and I’m looking for the Temming Millions to rally to my side here. Here’s the sitch:
Met this guy Phillip online and we chatted several times, finally agreeing to get together for a date this week. Part of the conversations were fairly sexually explicit. Last Wednesday after some explicitness, he suggested we get together the next day (Thursday, aka Thanksgiving). I said sure, did he want to set up the plans right then or wing it the next day? He said wing it since he didn’t know specifically what time his family obligations would end.
The next day he didn’t get in touch with me. Friday I see him online and we start talking about his not getting in touch. Admittedly I say something flip about “the abjectness of his apology” so I may have bugged him, but the upshot of some exchanges is that I think he should apologize since his standing me up showed a lack of consideration and even if he didn’t think his being inconsiderate warranted an apology the fact that I had hard feelings about it did. His position is that he has nothing to apologize for because we did not have firm plans, and that since the end point of our time together was probably going to be sex (presumptuous on his part but admittedly true) this was not a “date” but was a modified one-night stand, which excuses him from showing up or contacting me. My feeling about that is that he made a commitment to meet and failing to live up to that commitment, regardless of the tenuousness of it, was a Bad Act on his part and he should say he’s sorry. I started out only mildly annoyed because TMI ALERTwhen he didn’t show I picked up this other guy online and screwed him instead but his refusal to recognize his wrong behaviour thoroughly cheesed me off to the point where I finally had to stop talking to him that night lest I had said something I would later regret. Haven’t talked to him since despite our being online at the same time a few times since then.
So I’m 100% right and he’s 100% wrong, right? He should have let me know if he wasn’t going to make it, yes? Or is there some aspect of gay-sort-of-dating/pickups/modified one-night stands of which I, still relatively new to the gsodpmons scene, am not grasping which earns him a pass?
IANG, but this was basically a booty call, right? In the case of booty call, it’s a bum deal that he fell through like that, but neither of you actually owed each other anything. It’s tacky to bail without notice, but consider:
Since this was a (no pun intended) quick-and-dirty arrangement you made, does it really matter that much that it didn’t pan out? You obviously still got what you were looking for with someone else, right? I’d just chalk it up to “people online aren’t always what they seem” and call it a day.
Or, as my grampa never said, don’t look a gift horse in the anus.
By “abjectness of his apology” did you mean he did apologize and just did a shitty job of it?
Whatever Phillip’s deal is, it’s not good behavior to stand someone up for whatever reason without an apology no matter what they’re standing you up for.
Yeah, it’s your victory but you might do better to remove him from your buddylist/block him and move on.
[hijack] It was really wierd for me to go directly from this thread to another one started by someone named ** ottoerotic** [/hijack]
I’ve known people who absolutely refused to apologize under any circumstances. In fact, I had a circumstance very simular to your wherein I was “stood up” and then the guy refused to apologize. He actaully made it a point of saying that he did not apologize, but he might “make it up to me”. Well in my case he did make it up, but then latter he pulled the same crap again. I personally have decided that if someone can’t be bothered to apologize when it clear they have hurt my feelings (as in my feeling are hurt and I go so far as to say " you hurt my feelings") then I can’t be bothered with them. YMMV.
In other words, yeah, I’m with you on this one. I don’t think you should neccisarily put him on the list of “evil ones” but if his other behavior is at all indicative of this being a pattern… then he is not worth your time.
I think your expectations are a little too high for a “come over and fuck me” kind of date.
It doesn’t seem you set the expectations for anything like romance, or even courtesy - just sex. He (and you) got a better offer. Since the sex dropped out of the picture, there wasn’t anything more to whatever relationship you had.
You treated him as almost anonymous sex, he treated you as almost anonymous sex. It doesn’t strike me that either of you were any worse than the other. You didn’t have any definite plans, and nothing definite happened. No harm, no foul.
