Last night i was stood up by a girl who i work with at the hospital. The plan as of Wednesday was to go and see New Moon after we had dinner. I called her Friday night after i looked up showtimes but she didnt’ pick up so i left a voicemail asking to call me back. No call back all night. Saturday i called her again at noon, still didn’t pick up, then i sent a text saying to get in touch with me. I waited until 7 and sent one last text “I guess no movie huh?”
I want to just give her an earful about being mean, inconsiderate, and flat out rude. Being that we both work in the same building we are bound to bump into each other at some point in the hallway…
Should i just avoid a confrontation, give her flack about being a bitch, call her desk phone and say “I’d like to talk to you in the cafeteria.” or, just, i dunno, punch her in the face and get escorted up to H.R.? That last part was tongue-in-cheek, i have no intention to ruin my job. Maybe hear her side of the story, regardless of whatever excuse she comes up with and just go from there?
What have you done with men or women who have stood you up of blown you off?
Unless the person contacts me with a good reason for totally blowing me off, I choose to no longer socialize with that person. I don’t make any attempt to contact them say I’m not longer socializing with them.
Frankly, if they’re going to blow me off, they don’t care enough to wonder why I stopped calling. No biggie.
Assuming your date was a real date and not just a "Hey, why don’t we . . . " followed by “Um, okay, I guess that’d be okay”, and assuming she had no good reason to ignore you (family emergency), I think your best response is to play it cool. Next time you see her, tell her you had a great time at the movie and you’re sorry she couldn’t make it. Don’t give her the satisfaction (assuming that she really is a bitch) of seeing that you were upset.
I agree with Taters. The ball is in her court - if there was some emergency or good reason why she couldn’t make it and why she didn’t get in touch with you, she’ll let you know.
If there wasn’t, or if she’s the kind of person who can’t be bothered to reply, then she’s not worth wasting your time on.
I’ve only been stood up once; met online, agreed to meet at a restaurant (which involved a 30 minute drive for me), she never showed up and didn’t respond to a call. Later she emailed apologizing and suggesting another day, then 24 hours later emailed and said she’s just too busy. By that time I’d written her off as either a complete flake or just rude and moved on.
This won’t add anything but another data point - the one time it happened to me I was cordial the next time I saw him; however, when he suggested going out again I said “Sorry, I get stood up once”. Harsh, yes, but he seemed to accept it. Behavior like that is a big red flag.
But even if it was only a “Hey, why don’t we…” that still isn’t really grounds for not contacting the other person? If it was one of my guy friends and if we made tentative plans “if you aren’t busy this weekend, want to go to come to my place for some Rock Band?” and if someone can’t make it, then we have the good graces to at least leave a message that we’re doing something else.
If I saw her in the next week or so I 'd say “Hey, thanks for standing me up on Saturday.” After that, I’d let it go. Either way, that person is not a friend any more.
When you run into them, they have that one opportunity right then and there to explain and apologize, and they must initiate the action. If the explanation and apology sound sincere and genuine, try one more time at a later date, if so inclined.
If there is no sincere and genuine apology when you meet, put them on your ignore list and move on with your life. Nothing good will come of the relationship.
I am gay male so dating when your gay isn’t quite the same thing, but I have been stood up hundreds and I mean hundreds of times in my life. And that is typcial of gay dating.
The thing is forget it.
One thing I’ve learned in my life is if someone wants to go out with you they’ll let you know.
She blew you off and it was a rude thing to do, and I can sympathize at how angry you are, but let’s face it, if that was one of the worst things to happen to you, you’ve had it too easy
I would just chalk it up to experience and not even say anything about it to her. Just let it drop totally unless she brings it up. If she does say, “I’m no longer interested” and move on.
People on dates, especially first dates show off their best behaviours. It only gets worse from than on.
She was rude and your unhappy. My friend, learn this and you will be happy, never under any circumstances let other people dictate your happiness
Keep an open mind and give her a chance to explain – don’t react to your imagination. If she did do you wrong, ignoring her (socially, in the future) is the classiest and most effective reaction. Snide remarks, however well deserved by her, don’t reflect well on you.
Don’t give her the satisfaction of even responding to it. If she had a real problem that prevented her from making the date, or sincerely regrets it, she’d have already contacted you and made amends. This is, unfortunately, a game that many women play, for reasons I mostly don’t understand. It happens to me about half the time with blind/Internet dates, and even happened once in a setup in which the mutual (woman) friend assured me that the prospective date was really excited about me and thought I was the bee’s knees; come to find out that she actually came to the venue, saw me waiting, and decided that she didn’t want to spend an hour or so to have dinner with me. (It kind of pisses me off that I didn’t even get the chance to screw up on my own merits, but whatever.)
The couple of times it has happened to me and there has been a legitimate reason, the women have been profusely apologetic about it; for the most part, however, if they respond at all, it is with detached indifference, and is clearly some kind of test to see just how much bullshit you’ll put up with. The only good response is don’t put up with it at all, and if you come across her just respond with disinterested politeness, as if the broken date meant nothing to you, and her along with it. If your ego demands satisfaction (albeit transitory) take an attractive female friend and ask her to feign being “with you” in sight of the girl. (Almost any woman will volunteer to do this, as women love nothing better than catting out some bitch who disrespected her friend, even if she’d do the same thing to another guy.)
The best revenge, of course, is to completely move on with your life, find some woman who will treat you with respect and deserve yours in turn, and keep this as an amusing anecdote in your repertoire. On that, however, I can’t offer any worthwhile advice except to keep your chin up.
Most of the times I’ve been stood up were internet dates, etc. I’m not real emotionally invested in them and I’m not going to run into them any time that I can foresee. I just get over it.
The couple times I’ve been stood up by people I knew, I give them a chance to explain, if they don’t/won’t/can’t, I just move on. If they have a good explanation, I give 'em another chance. (One guy I dated stood me up for our first date because his friend just got served with divorce papers and he needed a pal. His friend just showed up just as he was about to leave. I later met the friend, and yes, he was getting divorced and yes, he did need a pal… he was a hot mess.)
She didn’t answer OR return either of your calls, OR text, and you were surprised that she didn’t show up? Maybe I’m being harsh, but… dude, write this one off. She is very clearly telling you what you need to her: “I don’t want to go out with you.” Yes, certainly she should have been grown-up enough to say no thank you when you asked her out, or to have picked up the phone/returned your call/text and said “I’m sorry, I’ve changed my mind, I’m not interested,” but the lack of any of those things is an answer in and of itself.
If I were you, I would pretend nothing happened. Especially since you might run into her at work. Just be polite and professional to her if you run into her, but I wouldn’t ask for any explanations, or even mention it at all. It seems to me that she was very clear in her (non) answer. Sorry you were played by a jerk.
I think it depends on the circumstances. If I’m good friends with a person and/or know how they’ll react, then I’ll give them some flak for it, in a way that’s joking, but let’s them know the behavior is not appreciated. I have one friend who will habitually stand me up for plans. I usually give her two strikes (me calling/making plans twice and her flaking out) and then I give up. After a couple weeks she usually calls to make plans again. Some people are just like that.
However, if someone of the opposite sex were to act the way my friend does, I probably wouldn’t tolerate it, especially if it was supposed to be an official date. By strike two, I assume they’re just not interested. So, maybe you should give this girl a second chance, and if she blows that, then be done with it. Everyone deserves at least one slip up or excuse, right?
Third this. My friend had a date the night her father was killed. She did not keep it. She did not to do anything by stay in her darkened room for a couple of days. She came out of her cave to find a nasty, nasty answering machine message from the dude.
Now, there is likely a million-to-one chance she stood you up for something traumatic enough that even responding to texts or calls was out of the question, but to be on the safe side, you do not want to open with, ‘Way to stand me up, bitch’ the next time you run into her.
You’ll see one another, without question. If she doesn’t bring it up, you can, confused but neutral, ‘So the other day…’ Wait. If she offers something lames, give her a one-liner. ‘Wow, I really didn’t think you were that kind of person. Good to know.’ And exit stage left.
Then drop it. Sharing a working environment should be all the motivation you need for this.
I appreciate the advice from everyone. It just gets really confusing when beginning of October we both went to a haunted forest together and had a really good time. I know she had been looking forward to this movie (New Moon, go on say what you wanna say) and it seemed like going with her would be a good idea. <Shrug>
I will take the higher road and be cordial, but indifferent to her. I’ll say hi if we pass in the hallways but probably won’t bring anything up unless she asks. Either way, she’s not worth it.
This. However, do not say hi. Just nod, and smirk/smile. If she makes some excuse, just say, “Weeeeelllll, how about that.” And look off into the distance. She may not say anything about it at all, even if she looks like she is coming over to you to speak. Then, follow your plan. Remember, she took a crap all over you.
So you’re called to HR one day soon and are told that you initiated unwelcome, unprofessional attention by asking for the date, which she only accepted to get you to leave her alone. Then after she safely avoided your calls & texts, all transcribed and printed out there at your tribunal (watch how their jaws drop as you insist on calling it “standing you up” - this guy just doesn’t get it, does he?), you chose to further harass her. The only fault that can be found with her is that she didn’t go to HR immediately, but let’s not blame the victim.
All those books by Kafka, who knew they were really dating manuals?
