All the reason to go the Cold Case Files / CSI can’t solve it approach/reaction to being stood up…
I’ve gotten stood up once by a guy I met online. So weird, we were chatting minutes before we were supposed to meet, had facebook friended and everything, I went to the coffee shop and he never showed. Got home and he had de-friended me on facebook. Very weird. Sent him one email just saying that an email saying he wasn’t interested would have been a much classier way of handling it and moved on.
Loser.
I’ve had a couple friends who were habitually flaky. I eventually ended both friendships because I just can’t handle supremely flaky people, it’s disrespectful.
With this girl, I wouldn’t say anything, as much as it might kill you to do so. You called and texted twice, if she had an explanation or excuse, she would’ve given it to you already. Let her stew in the fact that you don’t even care enough to ask her about it. Serves her right.
What is wrong with people???
Has happened to me once on a first date. Went to the lady’s house, knocked on the door, no one answered. Went home, left a message on her machine. Never heard from her again, and I didn’t try to call again. This was someone I was never going to run into again so I didn’t have the concern in the OP of what to do when seeing her next time.
The best thing to do for the OP, when seeing the person the next time, is treat her like any casual acquaintance at the office unless she brings it up (does she work for the same company as you? I am assuming yes.) I know it’s easier said than done but that’s the best for your work life.
Not really related, but I once got stood up for a job interview. I’d spoken to the guy on the phone twice and we agreed to meet at 6 pm at their office. I left my job early that day, drove the 33 miles to their office, and knocked on the glass doors inside. No answer. Stood there for a couple of minutes, knocked a couple more times periodically. Nothing. A woman who was in there just happened to walk by and came out to ask if I needed anything. I told her I was there to see Whatshisname and she said she’d go check for him. After a minute, she came back and said “Yeah, sorry, looks like he went home.” I just drove home.
He later called and apologized for forgetting (he didn’t have an emergency or anything, he just went home) and promised to get me a phone interview with some higher-up there. I said no thanks.
From what I’ve heard, gay dudes seem like assholes when it comes to dating. Which I guess isn’t surprising. It’s basically everything women hate about dating men…but with two guys.
To answer the OP, assume she isn’t interested and move on. If she offers you an explanation, that’s fine. But whatever you do, don’t play the “maybe she really meant this” or “I think she likes me but that” game. If she really likes you and is sorry, let her work to get back into your good graces.
interface2x, I had a similar situation (they just plain forgot). Fortunately it was only a few blocks across town. I did the same as you. Told them I didn’t want to reschedule and was no longer interested.
I’ve never been stood up in the sense that a woman failed to show up for a date, though I have experienced something potentially more awkward.
Earlier this year, I asked out a girl - let’s call her “Britney” - who runs in my larger social circle (friend of a friend of a friend type of thing.) We went to an event at a bar where we’re both regulars - it was a fashion show for designers from the local art school, followed by some bands. Things seemed to be going pretty well, if slightly awkwardly due to the change in relationship dynamics. Still, we had fun making snide comments about the clothes, did a bit of dancing, and probably drank a bit too much.
Some dude from a local free entertainment weekly even took our picture.
So the evening was wearing on, and I was starting to get tired of the scene at the bar. Britney got up to use the bathroom, and I planned on asking her if she wanted to grab some food or something when she got back. I sat there waiting.
And waiting.
And waiting.
And waiting.
And waiting.
After about a half hour of sitting there, watching her purse, I finally spotted her across the bar, talking to some dude, blatantly giving off the “I’ma FUCK him” vibe.
I left the purse at the table, walked up to them, and said “I’m gonna go smoke. Your bag’s back there.” She mumbled something about leaving with the other guy.
I ran into another friend while I was smoking, and had a nice, sardonic laugh about how excruciatingly rude Britney was being.
The next Monday, somebody emailed me the picture that had appeared in the paper of the local entertainment rag. “Woah, who’s this chick?”
It kept coming over the next couple of days, from different people. “I didn’t know you were dating Britney! You two look great together!” “Son, your uncle told me he saw your picture in the paper with a girl.” Ugh.
The online version is now the first result for a Google image search of my name and city. Awesome.
My revenge? I asked out somebody hotter, and happened to run in to Britney on our first date, which gave me an excellent opportunity to tell the new girl a hilarious, self-effacing story.
I hit one outta the park that night.
I’ve since started dating total knockout. We’ve crossed paths with Britney maybe a half dozen times, and enjoy quiet chuckle together every time we see her.
As far as I know, she’s still single, and miserable about it. Sucks to be her.
So yeah - play it cool. If she’s unapologetic, pretend that it never happened, and find somebody who isn’t a total flake.