Hey everyone! I'm getting 'scoped tomorrow!!

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Yup, that’ll be me, bent over with a big flexy-tube-camera snippy thing rammed up the old bunghole.

First one of you (and you know who you are, Anaamika) to start on the “old man” business is getting a set of pictures too, so shut it right now.

Oh, this is the second one of these for me, which only adds to the joy and anticipation of the happy event.

Just think - by this time tomorrow, I might, maybe be able to eat some solid food. Let’s recap: Since Friday night I have been off nuts, corn, seeds and popcorn. I fucking LIVE on popcorn, so I’m getting the shakes typing this.

What else do I live on? Aspirin. You live with these knees for just one day and tell me you wouldn’t too. I’m on day 8 w/o aspirin. Fuck.

Today, my diet consists of Welch’s White Cranberry Juice, some yellow jello and a big steamy bowl of beef broth. Envy me yet?

And when I get home from work today? Weeh-doggie, the bestest part!!! I get to start the regimen of pills, (thank Og it’s not the Co-Lyte at least) and then spend the better part of the evening speed blasting out the pipes.

Man, I tell ya, I am one lucky sonoafbitch today, eh?

I’ve joked before that those are some spectacular drugs they give you that enable you to almost enjoy that experience, so I have that going for me at least, right? And on the way home, I’ll grab some solid food but have no memory of having eaten it, because I’ll still be wasted.

Alrighty I’m done whining. Perhaps in the afternoon tomorrow, I’ll do some narcotic-induced posting, that should be fun.

2

Don’t forget the air farts. Those are funny. I hope there’s somebody there with you tomorrow so you can share. :smiley: The drugs are great. Maybe you’ll get some liquid valium! Good stuff.

ACBG had one in August. I went with him cause of the not supposed to drive after thing and all that. When it was over the nurse came out and told me I could go sit with him. First thing he said was, “I wish they’d go ahead and do this damn thing.” I told him it was already over. The next 45 minutes consisted of him going on and on about wanting some fried chicken and air farts. Good times!

3

After the first one, I was sitting in recovery, wife dutifully by my side, nurses scuttling about hither and yon, doing mursey-duties…

No one told me I was EXPECTED to fart, I was being polite. So we asked when I was able to go home, and the nice nurse explained that I needed to “purge”. Wife backed slowly out of the room, a look on her face I will never forget…

And the drugs. I had a thumb-thingee and the nice doc said if it got bad, I could press the button and get a quick hit. So I’m all laid out all comfy and we’re watching a TV show featuring my rectum, when suddenly it felt like someone kicked me in the stomach. Pressing button frantically…wake up discussing farts with the wife and the nurse…

4

YOU GUYS GOT TO TAKE DRUGS??!?!

I’ve had two of these experiences: once with a scope the other time with the ol’ barium filling. On neither occasion did anyone EVER mention drugs.

So you can guess how it went for me both times.

5

:eek: Nononono, I’m sure you’re young and virile and everything that goes with it. :eek: :eek: :eek: I just can’t believe you’re telling people this!

6

Hey, just like we did with the disposable ones from the wedding.

7

This from the one that got lost on her bike, blocks from her home and came here to tell us? :wally

I gotta share with someone…

8

If you notice that the doc has both hands on your shoulders while you’re getting “scoped,” you’re fucked.

Best just to turn around and say, “When you pull that thing out it had better have a lense on it.”

Do not look my way for envy. I’m pushing 40 and plan to die of prostate cancer. I’m so inhibited.

9

Damn, wrong smiley. Shoulda been this one: :wink:

10

Don’t think of it as a rotor-rooting of your colon…think of it as a jump start onto a new weight loss regime!
I didn’t know I scuttled about, doing mursey things. I must try this next shift.
PS-I wouldn’t work in GI lab for anything…

Enjoy your drugs.

I cannot imagine these procedures w/o drugs–nice, reality obliterating drugs.

11

As a veteran of about five so far - and I’m only 33 (I have Crohn’s disease) - let me give you a little tip for your purge:

Petroleum jelly applied liberally and often. Just keep the jar next to the toilet.

Good luck!

12

Oh man, I second that! And not just for the fact that it tastes … greasy. It’s the fact that it’s pineapple flavoured. I’d honestly rather smell rotting flesh than pineapple. And to drink a whole gallon of it? I got about half of it down, and then gave up because the next 4 cups just came right back up again.

As for the drugs, all I can say is that it’s a good thing I don’t work in a hospital. Anything that can make you look forward to a colonoscopy deserves to be a controlled substance.

13

I think you quoted the wrong person, too. I’m not allowed to make any age-related jokes though…

14

Good luck with that. Hopefully it will show nothing wrong.

Jim

15

Ahem…

Thanks jr, the nice doc expects to find nothing alarming. But what’s he know, he’s going to spend his morning in my ass…

16

We’re going to replace this doctor’s field of view with Mr. Bus Guy’s anus. Let’s see if he notices…

17

I fervently hope you pass your test. One of the most common reasons we have to do barium enemas is for what they call a “failed colonoscopy.” That’s when your colon is too loopy to get the scope around the splenic or hepatic flexure and all the way to the cecum.

So, do the best you can, or come down into my lair! Bwaa ha ha ha haaaa!

Oh. Sorry. I’m supposed to stop doing that.

18

Stop making me laugh. I just finished the first round of these damn pills, which by the way are HUGE, and my stomach is making threatening noises. Laughter might have unforeseen adverse results.

19

You too thank you very much.

20

Between the scope-thingy and the barium enema, I’d have to say that I prefer the scope-thingy because of the drugs. That and the fact that you’ve never really projectile-shat until you’ve done it with barium.