So, I turned 50 and I have my wonderful birthday present coming up later this week. I’m supposed to have a light breakfast tomorrow then only clear liquids until Thursday at noon. Any tips or advise on getting through the next 48 hours?
Stay close to the bathroom.
I’ve had four or five, and for me, the prep is much worse than the procedure. There have been a lot of threads about colonoscopies, and I know you’ll be getting lots of advice.
Other than the nuisance of hanging around very near the toilet all day, and a certain amount of tenderness in the area, it was much less dramatic or unpleasant than I’d been led to expect (including here). I didn’t find the various prep drinks unpleasant or problematic, I wasn’t uncomfortable, the procedure itself was interesting (I got light medication and watched on the monitor), and I enjoyed a huge burger at Carl’s Jr. afterward with no ill effects.
They aren’t that bad. I even did mine without anesthesia which is rarely done in the U.S. so it should be a walk in the park for you. Look at it as a chance to clear all the gunk out of your system that has resisted being expelled from your body so far. It will be coming out soon and there is nothing you can do about it once you start drinking the prep liquid so don’t go to any black tie events or get stranded some place without a bathroom before it is completed.
The procedure itself is pretty uneventful. They just stick an air hose (to induce expansion) and scope up your ass and carefully snake it through the subterranean world that is your GI tract. They can snip off little samples if anything needs further analysis. It is fascinating to watch on screen but I am not sure if you will be able to watch it if you get anesthesia.
Recovery is no big deal although your ass may be a little sore. You won’t notice any real effects the next day except you may have lost a few pounds and feel bouncy.
Make sure you take a picture of the “20 pounds of rotting food” that some of the MLM folks claim is in there.
Baby wipes. Toilet paper will be like sandpaper after the 10th or 15th time.
What clear liquids did folks find best for getting through the day before?
Water or diet Sprite but mainly just water. Eating will be the least of your concerns. Your body will be triggered to get stuff out rather than take it in. Try clear chicken broth if you want something with taste. Don’t go on an all vodka diet. It would be counter-productive. The ‘clear liquid’ rule is stupid and misnamed. They just don’t want you eating anything that will interfere with the scope.
Also, don’t ask the doctor why they aren’t taking you to a movie and dinner first for a little romance beforehand. They hear that one all the time and it gets old.
Dave Barry gets it right:
http://www.miamiherald.com/2009/02/11/427603/dave-barry-a-journey-into-my-colon.html
The instructions are to have a light breakfast tomorrow, then have the first dose tomorrow night and the second dose the next morning. So getting through the day tomorrow is my first concern.
If you have a ‘fun’ group of team members like I had, they will send you pictures of real food all day long as you are starving! Nothing like getting a picture of a great looking burger and fries after your latest bowl of clear liquids!
The procedure itself wasn’t anything and the food afterwards was great. Good luck!
Lemon Jell-o.
Damn Kansas Beekeeper, ya beat me to it. Too funny.
Everything you ever wanted your fellow Dopers to tell you about colonoscopies!
Compendium of past threads on the subject:
I had a colonoscopy on monday. ( A.R. Cane 03-01-2006 )
What to do with my colonoscopy pictures? ( KlondikeGeoff 08-06-2006 )
Help interpret my colonoscopy report ( Sycorax 11-29-2006 )
Should a colonoscopy have hurt this much? ( lisacurl 12-19-2006 )
Fleet’s Phosphosoda (TMI) ( black rabbit 01-30-2007 )
(Note: As I’ve mentioned above, I found Phospho-Soda to be totally comfortable to use. Alas, it’s fallen into disfavor and is no longer available.)
Ask the Man Who Had a Colonoscopy ( kunilou 04-11-2007 )
What to expect for a colonoscopy? (TMI) ( Incubus 05-14-2007 )
Why is a colonoscopy being done at Camp David? ( Fear Itself 07-21-2007 )
(Note: Numerous threads at about this time speculating on Bush’s colonoscopy. Will they find the Constitution and Bill of Rights up there? What will Acting-Pres. Cheney do during his hour in power? Trying to distinguish real news from Onion article.)
Best Laxative? ( Red Barchetta 10-19-2007 )
Rise of the Machines: Anal Probing Robot ( Tuckerfan 12-29-2007 )
Aetna’s New Colonoscopy Policy? Ouch! ( Jinx 01-05-2008 )
Colon removal as cancer prevention? ( Kinthalis 02-11-2008 )
The Picolax Thread [Apparently a classic colonoscopy thread from the Singletrack message board.]
Obligatory link to classic Dave Barry column: Dave Barry: A journey into my colon – and yours (Miami Herald, orig. publ. 02-22-2008)
Colonoscopy-Not great news ( Mint Julep 04-01-2008 )
Get a colonoscopy if you are 50 ( Lillith Fair 04-09-2008 )
Ask the guy who just had a colonsocopy ( Eutychus 05-01-2008x )
Colonoscopies & Cosmetics ( KittenKat 05-31-2008 )
Journey to the Center of My Colon… ( Shodan 07-15-2008 )
Homer Simpson’s colonoscopy ( mobo85 09-06-2008 )
Dave Barry colonoscopy journal - humorous PSA ( pinkyvee 09-28-2008 )
Clear liquid diet, one gallon of laxative, colonoscopy - TMI ( beckwall 09-30-2008 )
Making the most of a forced bowel cleanse ( What the … !!! 10-09-2008 )
To boldly Go where no Vet has gone before. Gorilla + Colonoscopy. Newslink ( Bosda Di’Chi of Tricor 11-06-2008 )
Well, the HalfLytely is kicking in… ( ivylass 11-16-2008 )
It’s Roto-Rooter time again…whine ( Clothahump 01-03-2009 )
Colonoscopy - routine or only when symptoms are present? ( Carol the Impaler 01-25-2009 )
HalfLytely vs Phospho-Soda ( crazyjoe 02-03-2009 )
Ask yesterday’s colonoscopy recipient ( Boyo Jim 04-25-2009 )
So, ever been through colonoscopy prep? ( EddyTeddyFreddy 01-13-2010 )
What’s the poop on CT Colonography? ( teela brown 03-30-2010 )
Colonoscopy Baby ( Cicero 05-09-2010 )
Your favorite colonoscopy prep regimen? (need answer fast) ( Mama Zappa 06-07-2010 )
Ask the Man Who Had a Colonoscopy - the Sequel ( kunilou 08-20-2010 )
Tell me about your colonoscopy, especially the prep experience ( Stoid 09-12-2010 )
Whatever you do, don’t fart. TMI!! ( kambuckta 05-18-2011 )
Ooooohhh - My First Colonoscopy! ( Atomic Mama 08-07-2011 )
Ever Have A High Colonic? ( Quasimodem 08-08-2011 ) [Includes tangential discussion of colonoscopies.]
Does Miso Soup Count? ( Atomic Mama 09-07-2011 )
Going for a colonoscopy - what’s it like? ( AaronX 01-01-2012 )
Colonoscopy while conscious: what’s the discomfort? ( Machine Elf 01-04-2012 )
Colonoscopy advice ( Ibanez 02-18-2012 )
Having a colonoscopy ( Surly Chick 04-29-2012 )
[TMI] Had that colonoscopy 2 weeks ago, and now my ejaculate volume is way down. Normal? ( John DiFool 05-09-2012 )
How soon does Dulcolax work? Requesting TMI pre-colonoscopy. ( Napier 08-27-2012 )
Need colonoscopy jokes!! ( Mama Zappa 10-25-2012 )
What would happen if… ( CheeseDonkey 11-17-2012 ) [Mixing laxatives and anti-diarrheal meds, with side-discussion of colonoscopy prep.]
Tell me about your colonoscopy ( tdn 03-12-2013 )
colon cancer and colonoscopies ( Machine Elf 04-27-2013 )
Colonoscopies ( john b. 05/23/2013 )
Good news for colonoscopy prep! ( Mama Zappa 07/09/2013 )
Colonoscopy in a week ( Ike Witt 9/30/2013 )
Another Colonoscopy Thread ( Siam Sam 12-05-2013 )
It’s been two months - time for another Colonoscopy Thread ( Mauvaise 03/25/2014 )
Welcome to 50 - here’s your colonoscopy kit ( Telemark 06/03/2014 )
If I could only give one piece of advice, it would be to drink huge amounts of water during the day prior to the procedure. If you don’t, you will have to go back and do it all over again.
I never imagined that there would be that much crap on the SDMB. Time to start reading, I guess. 
Having one on the 16th.
Think it’s a case of “Lie back and think of England”. Or, as Sydney dopers might appreciate, “Lie back, and think of Engadine.” 
I found beef broth to be really tasty - much more so than I would have otherwise.
Also, I second the vote for stocking up on some baby wipes.
They also have a little spray hose to wash off the last bits of yellow and give a good view. I was given some kind of anesthesia and told that I’d probably go to sleep. I’m guessing it was a tranquilizer because I was completely awake, just really mellow. The mellowness continued a good bit after I was home. Just ask my son and his girlfriend.
Which reminds me, you were notified to arrange to have someone drive you home, right?
Have we talked more about colonoscopies than about weddings? Or have I just noticed the colonoscopies more?
I haven’t had the pleasure of being introduced to the gas pipe, but I have had the bowel prep. My advice is to lay in a good supply of reading material, some premium baby wipes, and something sealed to keep the used wipes because you’ll clog your toilet otherwise. Basically, you’ll feel some not-uncomfortable tummy rumbling, then it flows. And flows. And flows.
I found the taste of the mag citrate to be the worst of it, frankly. It tasted like very salty Sprite. If you get the same stuff, make sure it’s cold.