Ok.
(oh I’m sooo gigglin- all these babes!)
SiCi:)? It’s prolly for the best if you can’t figure out what I’m sayin. Really. 
(If indeed you can’t figure out what I’m sayin…again,;))
Let me get a towel on real quick here…There, now you come right on over here you little bundle of sunshine and warm, drowzy, green mountain meadows and let me smooch your lips right off your face! (((((((((~)))))))^)^%#$$)*
YEAH!
<sigh> Thank you ma’am. (the tilde is for the little bit of wiggly lasciviousness I slipped in on that smooch- I jsut couldn’t resist- that was so cute at the end there when you started trying to get away.)
Persephone?- how’s that goin?
I was gonna offer to go hang out by the pharmacy counter in the grocery store, to snag people buying Rid[sup]tm[/sup], y’know, to see if I could follow them back to their place and, um, harvest some samples, then send you a big box of rocky mountain saber-tooth crotch crickets to, (I understand you live closer to the coast- you might know them as ‘crabs?’, also, on occasion, called ‘shit! I’ve got crabs!’) you know, sort of spread around their offices…?
But I didn’t.
<sigh> I really gotta work on getting out of myself and doing for others…
(inor- if you want a friend, be friend, repeat…)
Glad my little words lightened the load- That was a shitty deal, I thought.
Ok, now you two. It’s gonna get a little warm in here, the mirror’s gonna get re-steamed in a hurry, if ya know what I mean. So maybe you would like to go hiking or for a drive or something?
Ok.
(WHIPS that pesky towel right off and the stupid calculator out the door)
Sass, DemiG, relic?
ya’ll come on over here- listen, I did call for an excorcist. It didn’t turn out so well. I had to call a, um, facility. Poor man, before the excorcism was 1/2 way through, he threw his back out trying to blow himself, and when they took him away, they had to use those nylon kwik ties to keep him from, well, I won’t go into it here, k? I’ll jsut say it involved a hairbrush handle, an orange, a pair of vice-grips and 3 clothes pins.
And some mustard. Gewwww…I was afraid you guys!
<sigh> So, i tried…
(gleefully slaps hands together and rubs them in a disinctly greasy way…)
So, DemiG- you honestly thought I didn’t know about the lock? Oh, sweet, that’s one of the reasons I like you so much- you’re such a dear in my headlights. But then, I am like a deer in your headlights too…2 of em ya say?..
And last night? I lied. Like a dog. Like a rug. You’re at my place, in the shower, relaxed? Talking to yourself? (o jesusjesusjesusit’ssooocute) Singing? Like something cute and bouncy and indomitable to start with like chumbawumba’s Tubthumpin, and yer all dancin in the shower, schwangin those hhhips boom boom and then, then, you bust out in the righteous brothers’ Unchained Melody…
and there I am out in the kitchen, slicing some mushrooms for the fried rice, not stopping when I get to my fingers…yah, I’d be out bangin my head on the car- safer for me that way…
What do you get for pouting towards me?
2 things:
I got this slide rule…
and
exhausted
[sub](that for your puppy blue eyes, pouty countenance mama long-legs)[/sub]
Hussy?
(cavalierly swipes away those other two floozies)
o you, c’mere babe. i ever tell you that alzhiemer’s couldn’t make me forget you? Hey, what’s your sign, you little hunka burnin love?
Shit, I’m sorry, we’re not in the bar, for christs sake, we’re in a bathroom.
ooooooh, my bathroom.
That means I’m the boss of you…
How cardio-vascularly fit are you??
OOO my god- I jsut checked the mems page- [sub]hey, sassy? i kinda got this thing for redheads. yeah, no shit. This one time? in band camp? me and this swimmer girl got together? and well, I was innnnspired, like. i invented a whole new wieghtlifting sport.
the one-finger girl curl…[/sub]
Aaaahhhh, relic
A few things here- I had no idea, and I’m so sorry- there’s a few things in life that are the biggies- kids, deaths an split-ups.
So, listen. I don’t know shit from shit, really, but it seems to me the things needed here are a little commiseration, but not too much, lest we pass into the realm of enjoying victimhood, of which a little is needed, but I never know when the line has been crossed, as I’ve always been on the wrong side of it, never have crossed into healthy territory…
distraction, grieving, obligatory shitty know-nothing advice (makes me feel better), and hopefully some laughs.
soo…
First off, I’m really sorry I didn’t get here before this- I saw this this morning at work and kept working- trying to get some stuff done. But it bugged me. So I went to post. But, by that time, it was later in the day, and I’ve kinda given up trying to post etc from about 11:00am to 3:30-4:00pm my time- i mostly just get timed out. And it takes too much time away from my job, waitin on it. So…
THAT LOUSY FUCK AND HIS LOUSY SHITTY PIECE OF LIVESTOCK HE’S TAKEN UP WITH!!! CAN I GET A ‘MOOOO’?! I MEAN WTF? HE HAD YOU AND HE DECIDES TO, LITERALLY, GO CHECK OUT ‘GREENER’ PASTURES? SOMEBODY GIVE ME A GREAT BIGG ‘MOOOO’ HUH? I MEAN SHIT! SO YOU GUYS GOT SOME DISTANCE TWIXT YA’LL, SO WHOOPY SHIT, RIGHT??? BUT NOOOO, HE SEES THIS LITTLE LAMBIKINS, DECIDES IT’S SHEEP DAY AT THE OK CORRAL, SLIPS ON HIS TALL RUBBER BOOTS AND SOME NICE THICK SOCKS SO HER HOOVES DON’T CUT THE TOPS OF HIS FEET TOO BADLY AND GETS ALL WOOLY WIDDIT??? SOME, I SAY SOMEBODY GIVE ME A BAAAHPUTCHERHEARTSINITSISTERS!!!
Babe, don’t worry- drop the bitch. I not an hour ago, got all the ingrediendts together and did the “your cock is gonna grow the other way” dance- it hits slow, but it’s a sure thing. You didn’t think goopa goopa dolls was my only hoodoo did you?
Likes you? Still maybe wants you? After only a prep-me-for-surgery christless month and he’s fuckin on this absolute hide?
Goopa goopa dolls can, with a minimum of effort, be turned into quite serviceable voodoo dolls.
And you’ve got two of 'em…
motherfucker from the sticks and I’ll bend his ass over and drive him all the way to fuckin baja californ i a
Here’s whatcha do:
get some sad songs to help you be sad- U2 ‘you’re so cruel’ is a wowser for this kinda thing. Neville Brothers, ‘will the circle be unbroken’- general deep sadness. Blues Traveler, ‘sweet pain’ and this one song by Enya I can’t remember the name-it was the funeral procession song in ‘Toys’ with Robin Williams- I got the disk but I don’t know where-
Listen to them obsessively for a while. Emote, baby, express your self.
Then, throw out your (nifty difty) chest and throw on some bouncy music, cheerful stuff- anything by tool, (hehe), b52’s loveshack, get Medea to sing you tubthumpin, hop in the shower while this is happening, (o look, there’s one right here- I’ll help you. oh, don’t worry, it’s nothing. I like helping) get all sparkly clean, even your twicker (twicker? twicker?) cuz you’re gonna use it l8r.
Now, throw on some nice jeans and a nice, sporty top, k?
Go out r, to some nicer bar. Find, and bring home a certain kind of guy. He may or may not have a certain gleam in his eyes- the best one is quite likely to be dressed like the male equivalent of a maybelline cover girl-clean, fresh, uncomplicated. He likely won’t have a gleam in his eye- this type is gooood at hiding what he his and this characterisitc bespeaks well of him- he will have certain other characteristics that are de riguer for what we want here…
take him home with you.
fuck his brains right out. repeat. repeat. repeat. repeat. repeat.
Now, when I say fuck his brains out, I ain’t talkin bout some little freshman braggadocio- I mean go until you’re both so dehydrated that your eyes are sunken into your heads and you creak, k? You shouldn’t have any orifice that hasn’t been un-plumbed, repeatedly. You should have some fairly serious whisker burns on the insides of your thighs, and he should have similar, um, burns, in the immediate vicinity of his mouth.
I mean, any damn amateur can get carpet burns, I wanna see some silk sheet burns, k? (Oh, that takes me back to when me and my ex were first married…sigh)
Now, Don’t let him hang around. If you decide you wanna see him again, fine. But not now sweetie…
Now, make yourself some hot water, take another shower while it’s heating, get dry and in a nice fuzzy bathrobe, make some nice tea, curl up in a nice chair, slowly start to grin, and say to yourself…
lookie what I did…
Hey you guys? I woke up this morning with this one concept in my head- it’s like this: I’m kinda out-numbered here, not that I’m even complaining, but I’m worried about ya’ll. And it occurs to me, maybe, we’re missing something here. So, what I propose, after hearing Beer describe himself, is inviting him in this steamy lil ol wc. 'Cause look- he’s big. He’s strong. We could start doing some things that are, well, dimensional. We could start being
structural…
possibly some of my best smooching.
I hate colds! And I’m dealing with my ex this weekend. My feelings for him are hard to explain right now. But he’s not an a$$hole. Just acting like one, like I’m acting like a bitch. But not to the extent he is, I have to admit. Eh, I’m a forgiving person. And, in a way, I understand why he’s acting the way he is. I get the feeling we both are tottering on the brink of diffrent mental disorders, which is complicating things.