I hate it when..

I have a fart in me that I need to get out- usually not a very big one, more of a subtle sensation oftentimes- kind of like the little lump in my throat that won’t go away for days and is similar to when I eat too fast and something cramps my throat, but not that severe.
It’s not that it’s uncomfortable, it’s just that it feels like a loose end and it bothers me. So, I strain and strain and finally feel it getting to the breaking point and am happy and strain a little more and then find out that no,

no, that’s not what I needed to do after all.

So, I used to get all mad when this happened, berating myself for not even having the life skills of an average 6 year old, but now I get intensely philosophical at these occurences, and, of course, walk very gingerly till I can get my drawers changed and wash off a little bit. And then, for a day or two, I’m extremely cautious about farting, but then I forget, start living blithely again, till the next time…
The bad thing about these little butt suprises is that they never seem to happen in an opportune place. It’s always at work, on a date, in church (although the only time I’ve seen the inside of a church since I was a kid has been for weddings and funerals- sometimes I have thought there wasn’t much difference 'twixt the two…), or in bed. I’m thinking you’re making a WAG as to what I did this morning. And you’d be right- it’s terrible. There I am, 1/2 awake, in the nice part of sleep, still roaming free in my head, vaguely aware of my surroundings where, unless it’s nightmare time, everything is damnfine and wonderful, and to fart, along with every other possible thing I could feel/think/do seems like the most glorious thing in the world.

So I do.

And all the semi-conscious happy-happy shit goes right the hell away and I am rudely jarred back to reality.

This once happened to me on the way to a job interview. Needless to say, I didn’t make it. A few days later, I got a way better job than the one I missed the interview for, and incidents like these are how I know there is a god that sometimes deigns to do me a favor. And it has a wicked sense of humor. And I like that.

But over all, I hate it when that happens.

I have to go do some laundry now.


inor. Jesus mercy man, give a TMI warning! :wink:

Took a quick break from work to check the boards, and now I’m glad I did. Your posts always seem to crack me up. My head hurts when I finish reading them, and I have to admit that I’m thoroughly disgusted, but you are “funny funny yah”. :slight_smile:

Anyway, I hate it when I have 3000 lines of code, and 3100 errors. How can I, being simply one person, possibly be this stupid? This is the kind of ignorance you’d expect from a mass of people, or at least three programmers.

Actually, there’s really just one little bug that’s driving me nuts. Anyone remember the correct function in PB7 to retrieve the display value from a child drop down data-window? I can’t figure it out, and feel like an idiot because of it. Oh well. I love working on two completely seperate projects at once. Pbbbttthhh. :stuck_out_tongue:

What’s a TMI warning?


I fuckin love these boards- we go from butt suprises to child drop down data windows? In two posts? What’s one of those?

I jsut love this!

Hope somebody answers your question…

TMI - Too Much Information. I have no idea where it originated, but it just means something that not everyone necessarily needed or wanted to know. It’s just polite to warn people that they’re going to be reading about your anal region, and it’s byproducts. :slight_smile:

I’d be seriously impressed if someone could. In all the programmer threads, I’ve yet to see anyone who works with PB. Oh well. You asked me what I hated, and right now, I’m hating this damn code module. Pbbbttthhh.

I’ve stopped laughing and can now post.

Along with the “chunky fart surprise”, there are other fart-related events that I hate. To wit:

  1. When you are in some big meeting and you have to let go a squeeker. Of course, you’re sitting in some position that makes this damn near impossible. To lean forward or sideways might draw some of that “Holden is trying to let out a puffer” attention. So, you plan to readjust your position to spread out the butt cheeks and meter it out. Just as it is about to escape (or asscape:D) and you hit the point of no return, you realize that it won’t be a silent one at all. You turn 8 shades of red and hope that nobody heard the breeeep…breeeeeeeeep…breeeep*.

  2. Having learned your lesson from previous experiences you intern the farts during the entire meeting until you swear everyone can hear the horny whale like sounds made by your intestines as the farts percolate. Then, without warning, you have to sneeze. Pure terror!

K, thanks for the info. I’m not sure how much I’ll use it though- If you’ve read more than three of my posts, I reckon you know what you might be in for, so it’s your call, and for those un-suspecting innocents who are reading one for the first time, well, I like the imagery I get…


Sorry about your coding problem- wish I could help…
I’ve soooo done that and absolutely laughed my ass off at your fine, absolutely fine, description…
Thank you Sir.

Dude. That doesn’t happen to normal people.

Are you expecting people to pipe in and say, “Oh yeah, why just this morning I shit my pants 3 times!! Doncha hate that?”

I mean… i’ve had that happen but usually only when I’m sick. “I’ve got to fart… oh, no wait… I’ve got to diarrea.”

Never force a fart.


Ummm, I can honestly say, such things have never happened to me. Must be a guy thing :stuck_out_tongue:
And eeeewwwwwwwwww!!! Icky, icky, poo! Literaly!!!


That’s sick, dude.

hoist by his own petard.
Add another one to the abnormals…

hmmhmmhmmhumhumhhmmm:inor, humming happily::

Tansu- well, good religious advice for both Holden and myself- wtg…and I’ll jsut bet you’re feeling all superiour, aren’t you?:slight_smile:
relic- you’re lying…

Fire- you’re an alien. I can tell by the shinyness.

Right with ya buddy. Done that more than a couple times, and in some very interesting settings. There’s not much that’s worse than a lumpy fart :o

The technical term is browncapping. That’s when you call in the massive impossible team.

O, I love this. I’m learning so much…
I mean, all I’ve ever known to call tehm was butt suprises, but I knew that was soo layman of me…

You’re right. I feel incredibly saintly. Somebody, light a fire under me.

I’ll light a fire under you allright…


You’re right. I feel incredibly saintly. Somebody, light a fire under me. - Tansu

I don’t think we should be lighting fires under anybody who is in this thread.

As an aside, if farts are flammable, shouldn’t the little pants presents that sometimes come with them be flammable, like lumps of coal? That would solve the world’s heating problem. Even homeless people would be able to furnish their own heat. The government heat assistance programs would include books of matches.

Kinda gives new meaning to the lyrics
“Come on baby, light my fire”

Damn you, Inor, and your lightning modem.

babe, it’s ok, you doin fine, I mean, pants presents? I feel your connection heating up already, fair cooking…
My education continues…

Oh, the wonder, the splendor…

I think the technical term for this phenomenon is a gambler (or gambler’s fart). It comes from the fact that you can feel it there and then…

Oh, nevermind. You get the idea.

(How do I end up posting to these threads?)