I hate it when..

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
21

…this seems as good a place as any.

I hate it when you piss on your foot.
<Well, DUH! ts, doesn’t everyone?>

Yeah, well, this is more a guy thing.

Sometimes, first thing in the morning when you take your first pee of the day, things aren’t quite awake all over the male body. All you know is you are pointing at the toilet, a large open bowl, pretty easy to hit, and your piss is going two or three different ways! WTF?

At this point, you either have to stop and “spread” the opening or you can do what I do and force-pee, hoping to blow open your pee-hole with the sheer volume of urine passing through it.

Until either of these occur, you may find yourself peeing on the back of the toilet, the sides, the toilet paper and/or, of course, your foot.

And don’t give me that “A gentleman always sits” crap either. I’ve got the equipment, I’m using it the way the gods intended.

Oh yeah, this is also especially bad after a rousing night of yadda-yadda.

And don’t even get me started on the piss-drip/after-squirt after you shake! I’ve been reduced to wiping after I pee for Petes sake!
Oh, yeah: TMI warning.

22

thinksnow, if you ever come to my house, I’m making you piss outside.
BTW, what to toilet paper and the starship Enterprise have in common?

They each go Uranus and fight the Klingons.

23

Sure. The phrase, “I gambled and lost” whilst high-tailing it to the bathroom has been heard once or twice in this girl’s lifetime. Mind you, heard, not uttered. I don’t gamble when it comes to bodily functions. Well, not anymore.

Or as a friend of mine said after an almost-lumpy-fart, “I’m crowning! I’m crowning!”

24

ahhhh, jesus, thanks for the tmi there, and you’re paying for the dent in my fuckin monitor.

That exact thing happens to me, and long ago, I stopped trying to spread the hole, I jst do that force peein thing, cuz I’m a man. This isn’t necessarily the best approach, granted, because in the morning, I’m kind of fuzzy, as may be gathered from the op, so by th etime I sluggishly figre it out, there’s not much left for a proper pressure for the force.

So, what I do is I get mad. And blame it on my cock.

I sort of like my life sometimes…

oh, and I figure any body who places their feet anywhere within two feet of the sides of the toilet deserves whatever they get…

I do need to do something about the yellow stalagmites though. I should get married.
Here’s another one- (oh yeah, the dripping thing? I’ve developed the most elaborate ritual- I was trying everything, more than usual shakes, damn what people thought, some shakes, hold it still and flex and then some more shakes, doin the last squeezins like about 40 times, then lots of shakes,I’ve found what works for me is to trick my cock- do everything normally, then start to close up the pants. It’ll start it’s leaking, whip it back out really quick and voila! See, you’re jsut pretending that you’re putting it away…)anyways- havng to pee really really bad, and teh loss of rational thought processes that accompany that- and wearing a flannel shirt with tails- it’s like a magic curtain of urine flowing off the bottom of your shirt. It’s just not worth it, so I really try to maintain my thought processes nowadays, no matter how bad the back pressure gets…

liked the qtip thread- even had something to say aboutit…mr buckle knees man…
i’m crowning i’m crowning- fuckin gundy

this, my friends, si a thread for the millions…

25

Ah yes, the “put-it-away” fake-out…truly a move to be attempted by experts only.

Thanks for the Q-tip kudos.

BTW: the “crowning” people are talking about, I’ve always called this turtling. Think about it.

More on the OP: once, many many years ago while in the Marines, I was doing PT, crunches, actually, and when I stood up, I was like "Hmmm, there seems to be some change in my shorts (I had been keeping spare change for the pop machine and figured some had hopped out of the little inside pocket). It wasn’t change. I was lucky enough to make it to a head before our run. <sheesh>

[sub]Okay, it goes like this: it’s poking out like the head of a turtle…[/sub]

26

Oh my god, Holden. My eye makeup is all runny now, thanks to you. Call me a child, but fart humor is hilarious, and the “horny whale” sounds put your post right over the top for me.

I remember going jogging with a friend and having an entirely too prolonged episode in which every time my foot hit the ground, a delicate toot would escape me. Thank god I knew this woman well-- she was just my maid of honor. We ended up laughing so hard I just about had a problem of another sort in the same area.

27

Oh yeah…good luck on that one. I see that happening REAL soon for a guy with neat stuff to talk about like you! Umm…yeah.

-L

28

SexyWriter, you be nice to my inie! :mad:

But, yeah inie, I’d get a new toilet, or sumphin… mebbe clean the new one every once in a while? :stuck_out_tongue:

29

I heard Coke cleans toilets fairly well…

30

I got a special oyster shuckin knife I use.
But I’m nothing if not open to new ideas.

31

That’s two jabs of that type-

You wanna marry me.

I can tell.

Welp, you’re jsut too msuhy for me- you’d be all klingy and shit. Wispy, like.

32

ok, ok. Inor, I, too have had a lumpy fart experience.

While I was standing in a train station waiting to meet someone for a first date.

I was not a happy doper.

–sublight.

33

{{{{{{{{sublight}}}}}}wait a minute…

{{{{{{{ sublight }}}}}}}

ay, you walked right into it, like i didd with with the carpet laying thing…

34

damn- there’s supposed to be big spaces there twixt your name and the hugs…

35

She (the date I was waiting for when I gambled and lost) and I are now engaged and will be getting hitched in a couple of months, which goes to show you can recover from just about anything.

–sublight

36

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by inor *
**

You figured me out! It’s true, I DO want to marry you. I think we’d better have separate bathrooms and laundry facilities though. I wouldn’t want to traumatize the children.

I promise not to be klingy like shit…err…whatever you said.

-L

37

I love roomantic stories like that.
Swear, I really do.:wink:
Really, congratulations!

Sexy
Well, ok. But we’d probably want different sets of silverware and shit, and different houses.

But we’d have to be in the same town.
I’d insist.

And dear, if you haven’t guessed by now, if you clung like shit, I probably wouldn’t mind.
I’ve read some of your stuff, and you would have to keep 1/2 of your toys at my place.

And let the dogs lick you.
And be aware- any kids I father are more likey to traumatize you, if you score anywhere at all within the norms on any standard personality test…

::kissing you on your eyes::

38

I certainly hope I haven’t given you THAT impression.

39

I jsut feel the need for these boilerplates lately…
I do thinkn you could be the morticia to my whatever that guys name is…

I am very worried about the possibilty that we would bankrupt ourselves on batteries though.
Ideas?

40

Gomez. His name is Gomez.

Incidentally, does anyone know how Wednesday got her name? Occasionally, someone insists on calling me Wednesday because I keep spiders for pets and like to be whipped. Go figure. The weird thing about it is that I have as much right to the name as she does. Guess why?

Anyway, you be Gomez, I’ll be Wednesday (which makes this whole thing even sicker) and we’ll get stuff that plugs into the wall or runs off a car battery. Make sense?

-L