Long time lurker… Finally had to post after this shitshow and a night of drinking on my balcony. This site is amazing!
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“Yo Joe, how was Miami?”
“It was fucking awesome Tom, how you doing?”
“Get your ass down to Kitty’s, big party here”
Tom had convinced me to come out for a beer. After all, I was in a great mood and a beer sounded good, especially after sitting like a sardine in a modern airliner - paying for first class had given way to other interests. I landed at LaGuardia just over an hour ago and was now in possession of a cold Miller Lite to enjoy with a good friend of mine. I hadnt felt so good in a very long time and was about to go for a smoke when Tom came out of the bathroom so we headed outside and chatted for a bit.
“Hey Tom!”, said a tall, skinny woman with unusually poor dental hygiene. “How you been?” She just walked out of the convenience store next to the bar with a brown paper bag. “I got me some hard lemonade, beer gives me the shits”. I looked at Tom and thought what the hell? Tom is a police officer, so I figured it was an informant or someone he arrested before, but it turned out she was an ex-neighbor of his. He made his obligatory reply and we headed back into the bar.
I ordered another Miller Lite. Now don’t get me wrong, I love a good beer. Brooklyn Lager, Guinness, Chimay, hell, I like them all, but I’ve been trying to watch my calories the last year and whatever I could save helps. After all, I was just going to end up drunk anyway.
“So how was the trip?” Tom asked.
I had flown into Miami the past weekend on a commercial airline and got there a few hours before the two girls I was suppose to meet. Kathy was one of them – I first met her maybe 15 years ago when I was 17 or so. We worked at McDonald’s together back in the day, and I always had a thing for her. An Irish redhead who always laughed at my now and then strange humor, and she was gorgeous to boot. Back then, I never said anything, I figured it was pointless anyway. I was meeting her and a friend of hers, Margie, who I had met when the two of them where in Manhattan for St. Patrick’s Day, about four months prior. I lost contact with Kathy somehow from the McDonald’s days and we hadn’t spoken for a good 12 years, likely more. It wasn't because of any problems or anything, just growing up and moving different places etc. Anyway, the more time passes, the less accurate my estimates are I’m convinced. Time machines do exist, just not in the fashion I desire.
“It was pretty cool, was hot as hell, had a lot of fun, and hit it off with a great girl”, I replied to Tom. We had a few beers and of course a round of Tom’s favorite – the Jeager Bomb – a tasty yet dangerous mix of Red Bull and Jeagermeister. It sure gets the party started; it has that going for it at least.
I told Tom about my trip.., While in Miami, myself and the girls had some drinks in South Beach at the Clevander, and then headed to a nearby place that I don’t remember the name. We ordered some shrimp nachos, and Margie and I had a few cigarettes while Kathy chomped on a cigar. We ended the night with a midnight swim in the Atlantic before lightning in the distance ended our nocturnal backstrokes. We then headed back to our hotel room.
Originally, there were going to be a several others on this trip. The whole point of it was to see the Red Bull Flugtag event. Everyone else canceled so it was just the three of us and we shared a double-bed hotel room. Margie had fallen asleep – at least I hope so – and Kathy and I had another drink or two and talked for a while. We were having a great time when she leaned in very close. I’ll never be mistaken for Casanova, but even I got the hint. I tilted my head the last few inches and we kissed. I had wanted to do that for years, and it felt great. At one point while we were ”fooling around”, I asked her “When did you start to feel this way?” “Uh, like forever”, she replied. A happier man did not exist at that moment.
The morning came quick and to my delight, Kathy was in a great mood. I don’t think much of myself when it comes to women and was worried she would be embarrassed or something. Maybe it was just the drinking that did her in? But she was genuinely interested. Wow, could this really be true? There were issues I immediately though of before getting too excited – I live in New York City, and she lives in Florida. But she was going to move back up North so if it progressed, I could wait and make trips in between. While Lady Luck had not given me much in the ladies department, she had been more than generous in areas of personal finance. The costs of flying down to Florida (or flying her up to visit) in the mean time would have gone unnoticed.
So now there I was in front of Kitty’s Irish pub in Brooklyn talking with Tom when a text message from Kathy arrived. To paraphrase it read, “I would really like to spend some time alone with you”. Damn, so she still is into me even now that she is back home. I was really excited. “Tom, I’m a lucky son of a bitch, let’s party”.
I thought Labor Day weekend would be good to visit her down in Florida since it was a long weekend and we would have extra time together. So we made plans for that. I didn’t realize it but that was close to eight weeks away. Mistake number one. I moved quickly and got tickets for myself, but thought shortly after I should have arranged something sooner (hindsight being 20/20 and all that). Money wasn’t a problem, I could have shit-canned those tickets or better yet, used them for a second trip. But I didn’t. Labor day it would be.
Now Kathy is originally from New York, and during the proceeding seven weeks or so I knew she would love some New York bagels. So the morning of the flight I bought a dozen. She could freeze them of course and enjoy them at her leisure. The bagel guy said, “you get one for free when you buy twelve”. Hmm, that would make it 13 – an unlucky number by anyone’s count. But I took a Sesame as the thirteenth – the rest were eight ‘everything’ and four salt – what I understood to be her favorites, in the proper proportion of course. I placed them in a plastic bag so my clothes wouldn’t stink and headed out to LaGuardia. Per bagel cost so far (including original airfare): $25. As luck would have it, I missed the cut-off for check-in baggage by 5 minutes due to horrendous traffic on the BQE. They said I couldn’t get on the flight and would have to take the next one. Either that or throw my entire luggage in the garbage. Ironically, if I weren’t transporting bagels, I would have only had carry on and could have made the flight.
To make matter worse, I could only be placed on standby for the next flight, the last of the evening, and it was already fully booked. I knew Kathy had taken off from work that day and did not want to disappoint her. My only alternative was to buy a new ticket into somewhat nearby Orlando, but it was worth it to me to get there on time (per bagel cost now $78). I was really looking forward to seeing her.
Orlando is about 2 hours from where Kathy lives and I didn’t feel right asking her to pick me up. After all, it would be two hours there, and two hours back. The good thing was the non-stop to Orlando would get me in earlier then my original flight with a layover in Atlanta. But I would have to get a car service to drive me to her town. Cost of bagels now $98/bagel. It would all be a funny story in the end I though and money well spent to see her smile.
So I finally get to meet Kathy. Since she lives in pretty remote part of town, the car service dropped me off at a gas station where she picked me up. It was great to see her in person again. We went and had a nice dinner (lobster dumplings FTW) and then back to her place. Now, remember earlier I said I smoked? And she had a cigar in Miami even? As in she had a cigar while I was smoking cigarettes? Well, after all this she tells me she can’t be with anyone who smokes. I stopped smoking immediately and threw my smokes out (I know, smoking is horrible anyway and I’ve been meaning to quit, and this was as good a time as any). But the damage was done and while I spent the remainder of the weekend with her - as friends - all it amounted to was an expensive bagel delivery.
Moral of the story kids: Don’t smoke or you will wind up as a cross-country bagel delivery boy like me.