(Sung to “If you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands”):
*
Oh the freshman up at Yale get no tail
Oh the freshman up at Yale get no tail
So to curb their inclination,
they resort to masturbation
Oh the freshmen up at Yale get no tail
Oh the sophomores up at Yale get no tail
Oh the sophomores up at Yale get no tail
So half the freshmen class
Has to take it up the ass
Oh the sophomores up at Yale get no tail
Oh the juniors up at Yale get no tail
Oh the juniors up at Yale get no tail
So to satisfy their yen
They go out with Harvard men
Oh the juniors up at Yale get no tail
Oh the seniors up at Yale, they get tail
Oh the seniors up at Yale, they get tail
For half a pint of Scotch
Some poor Smithy spreads her crotch
Oh the seniors up at Yale, they get tail
Oh the TAs up at Yale, they get tail
Oh the TAs up at Yale, they get tail
If they see a piece of ass,
They just keep it after class
Oh the TAs up at Yale, they get tail
Oh the chaplain up at Yale gets no tail
Oh the chaplain up at Yale gets no tail
His sex life is so bland,
He asks God to lend a hand
Oh the chaplain up at Yale gets no tail
Oh the president up at Yale gets no tail
Oh the president up at Yale gets no tail
His wife is so damned frigid,
he can hardly keep it rigid
Oh the president up at Yale gets no tail
Oh the team up at Yale’s a sorry tale
Oh the team up at Yale’s a sorry tale
When they satisfy their glands
It’s called “illegal use of hands”
Oh the team up at Yale’s a sorry tale
Oh the Bulldog up at Yale, has no tail
Oh the Bulldog up at Yale, has no tail
After years behind those walls
He is lucky to have balls
Oh the Bulldog up at Yale, has no tail
Oh the freshmen up at Hahvahd can’t be bahthahed (bothered)
Oh the freshman up at Hahvahd can’t be bahthahed
When a coed drops her pants
They won’t take a second glance
Oh the freshman up at Hahvahd can’t be bahthahed
Oh the sophomores up at Hahvahd can’t be bahthahed
Oh the sophomores up at Hahvahd can’t be bahthahed
They would rather fuck than jerk
But it takes them from their work
Oh the sophomores up at Hahvahd can’t be bahthahed
Oh the juniors up at Hahvahd can’t be bahthahed
Oh the juniors up at Hahvahd can’t be bahthahed
Like the juniors up at Yale
They take pleasure from a male
Oh the juniors up at Hahvahd can’t be bahthahed
Oh the seniors up at Hahvahd can be bahthahed
Oh the seniors up at Hahvahd can be bahthahed
But although they’re so inclined
A willing partner’s hard to find
Oh the seniors up at Hahvahd can’t be bahthahed
Oh the president up at Hahvahd can’t be bahthahed
Oh the president up at Hahvahd can’t be bahthahed
It’s been so long now
He cannot remember how
Oh the president up at Hahvahd can’t be bahthahed
Oh the Crimson up at Hahvahd can’t be bahthahed
Oh the Crimson up at Hahvahd can’t be bahthahed
What it is is not quite clear,
But we know it can’t have sex or beer
Oh the Crimson up at Hahvahd can’t be bahthahed
*
[Forgive the long post, but it’s a classic!]