“What has happened to your nose?”
“I’ve just returned from Rome.”
“What? Whatwhatwhat?”
[sub]NOTE: If anyone else gets what this thread is about, feel free to join in. If you don’t get it, just leave quietly because we’re not gonna explain![/sub]
Hiya friends, Ralph Spoilsport, Ralph Spoilsport Motors, the world’s largest new used and used Broadway dealership. Ralph Spoilsport Motors here in the city of … Emphasyma. Let’s just look at the extras on this fabulous new car …
"…Wire wheel spoke fenders, two way sneeze through wind vents, star studded mud guards, sponge coated edible steering column, chrome fender dents and factory air conditioned air from our fully factory equipped air conditioned factory.
It’s a beautiful car friends with doors to match. Birch’s blacklist says this automobile was stolen…"
" … but for you, dear friends, a complete price, only two ninety five HUNDRED dollars, in easy money payments, once a week, twice a week and never on Sundays!"
Oil from Canada, gold from Mexico, geese from the neighbors’ backyard, boom-boom. Corn from the Indians, tobacco from the Indians, Dakota from the Indians, New Delhi from the Indians…
All out for Fort Stinkin’ Desert!
The pyramid is opening!
Which one?
The one with the ever-widening hole in it!
Oh, he’s no fun, he fell right over!
He’s coming around, folks! He’s going to be OK and ready to play Symptom Six of “Beat the Reaper!”
You bet, Dear Friends, it is going to be all right. It’s going to be all right tonight, here at the Powerhouse Church, of the Presumptuous Assumption, of the Blinding Light.
(choir)
O Blinding Light,
O Light that Blinds,
I cannot see,
Look out for me!
(crash)
Antelope Freeway, One Mile.
Antelope Freeway, One-Half Mile.
Antelope Freeway, One-Quarter Mile.
Antelope Freeway, One-Eighth Mile.
Antelope Freeway, One-Sixteenth Mi/Antelope Freeway, One-Thirty-Sec/Antelope Freeway, One-Si/…
I was born … an American
I was raised … an American
And I’ll die … an American
In America
With Armenians.
First, they had to come from towns with strange names like…
Smegma!
Spasmodic!
Frog!
And the far-flung Isles of Langerhans.
“But who were they?”
“We were small, angry men with hairy faces and buring feet. We were running away from poverty, intolerance, the law, and the army.”
And we took to them!
And they took to us!
And what do you think they took?
(chant)
Oil from Canada! Gold from Mexico! Geese from the neightbor’s back yard, boom boom! Corn from the Indians! tobacco from the Indians! Dakota from the Indians! New Jersey from the Indians! New Hampshire from the Indians! New England from the Indians! New Delhi from the Indians! 
Indonesia for the Indonesians!
Ask the cop on the corner, ask the cop on the rooftop, ask the cop in the woodpile, ask the cop that’s knocking on your back door…
::knock knock::
Go ahead, ask him!
Ok, er… Mister policeman, what makes America great?
It’s candied apples
and ponies with dapples,
that you can ride all day.
It’s girls with pimples
and cripples with dimples,
that just won’t go away.
It’s spics and whops
and niggers and kikes
with noses as long as your arm.
It’s mics and chinks
and gooks and geeks,
and honkies… that never even left the farm!
::rubber bulb type squeaking bicycle horn::
That’s what makes America great. And don’t forget…
Abraham Lincoln didn’t die in vain…
He died in Washington DC!
“Ask the postman,
ask the mailman,
ask the milkman,
white with fooaaamm…”
Los Angeles…he walks again by night…
Relentlessly…
Ruthlessly…
(“I wonder where Ruth is…”)
Doggedly…
Toward his weekly meeting with - the Unknown!
he’s a spy and a girl-delighter,
Orgy firefighter,
he’s a student like you.
"If you’re lookin’ for a captain of the ringball team,
you can bet, he won’t, be there;
you’ll find him poppin’ off at Pop’s sodium shop,
trailin’ a Red, with red haiiir…
Shoobeedooah -
Peorgie Tirebiter, just a student like you…"
(“Like me???”)
“Just a student like you…”
(“Stop singing and finish your homework!”)
“Just a student like youooooooo…”