the term is not necessarily bad is it? like how dogs are more high maintenance than cats?
Exactly this. Or like my mom used to say, “trying to empty the ocean with a teaspoon”. And I’ve always heard it used regardless of the person’s gender. It’s the attitude. I’ve dated a few myself (not for long though :D).
Without qualifiers, it does tend to be a negative attribute. But relationships are built on the concept of both partners “needing” each other to some extent. Without that need for relationships, I don’t think people would bother having anything but casual sex partners.
Thus, there are people who need people to need them, some more than others. Thus someone that one person considers high maintenance might be perfect for someone else.
Oh I agree (and find it amusing when I have to quote something from you, base don our names). I’m just finding out why this irks me and others, especially when it seems to be used for women more than men, and I think it is this notion that a wife or girlfriend is someone who needs to be ‘maintained,’ like a plant, or a pet, or a car. Something you leave at home and keep healthy, when you can bother. It feels a tad dated.
Yes, I think that’s what bothers me about it, too; it’s a label that, to me, seems to diminish the humanity of the person being labeled.
For better or worse, that’s what all labels do. I don’t place ‘high-maintenance’ any higher or lower than ‘slob’. It’s certainly not as bad as ‘wife beater’.
Well, so does calling someone an asshole. But that doesn’t mean that people aren’t assholes. And it doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t categorize people who are assholes as assholes. Some people are loquacious. Some people might view this as a good thing. Other people might view this as a bad thing. But it’d be stupid to not call someone loquacious when they are loquacious.
I don’t get it, do you think people should not use the term high maintenance? What about needy? Or clingy? Those terms are more frequently applied to women than to men, but that doesn’t mean that people don’t call men needy or clingy (they do) or that needy or clingy wouldn’t be fair ways to describe certain women.
Are they the best damn women that you’ve ever seen?
I get what you’re saying, but I see it as more the fault of the woman than of anyone else; if she doesn’t like being labelled as high-maintenance, maybe she should be lower maintenance.
It bothers women because the implication is that her man doesn’t think of her as a beautiful princess he is willing to love and take care of forever but finds her annoying as fuck. Litterally. Just slightly less annoying than he enjoys having sex with her.
A woman doesn’t consider herself high maintenance. She just wants what she wants. “I want you to look at my new shoes”. “I want to have dinner with the Annoyingtons this week.” “I don’t you going out late with your friends.” “I want to redo the kitchen.”
The guy is just “I want to get laid”, “I want some peace and quiet.”
Hell yes. A jacket I own even has a high-maintenance zipper. This type of zipper, until recently, hadn’t been made since 1940, and a) looks really cool, with metal anchor plates and rivets and stuff, but b) breaks a lot, and c) can not be bought separately at any price. The jacket maker insists on doing all repairs.
And this is good, how?
And to add to msmith: there is just so much effort for bullshit I have each day…I would MUCH rather the relationship not suck all that effort up. The relationship I have with my wife takes NO effort to maintain, because were at compatible ends of the maintenance scale.