What’s the worst that could happen.
“What’s this button do?”
“Stirring Cryo Tanks. . .”
You stole my line. Bastid! ::shakesfist::
You never cut the red wire.
Tripler
That’s like, “day one” training.
“What happens when you do this?”
To be perfectly honest . . .
To your SO: I’ve always wanted to bang your sister/cousin/friend. How about a threesome?
Yes I’ve babysat a <insert lifeform here> before. How hard can it be?
This thread reminds me of the lyrics to “Put Another Log On The Fire”.
*Now don’t I let you wash the car on Sunday?
Don’t I warn you when you’re gettin fat?
Ain’t I a-gonna take you fishin’ with me someday?
Well, a man can’t love a woman more than that.
Ain’t I always nice to your kid sister?
Don’t I take her driving every night?
So, sit here at my feet 'cos I like you when you’re sweet,
And you know it ain’t feminine to fight.
*
“Security - send two men to investigate a disturbance on deck C.”
Ah, but try this one:
“Honey, do you think this outfit makes me look fat?”
“Sadly the colour doesn’t suit you.”
“I’m retiring tomorrow!”
That one only works if you’re a cop, though.
Hey Tripler! How’s it hangin’?
First my username, now that post, seems I’m always stealing from you.
TriPolar
I’m not Tripler
“Don’t worry, it’s dead.”
Works for both power lines and animals!
“…Jim.”
Hey man! Doin’ well, and yourself?
I’m out on the East Coast for a few days. Neutrons, protons, gamma rays, etc. What could possibly go wrong? 
Tripler
I’m not TriPolar.
“Don’t worry, they’re used to people.”
“What? It’s not like she’ll ever find out.”
Grab the wheel
Who knew?
Let’s try this
The classic one from D&D:
“Don’t worry, I think the dragon’s asleep.”
“Check out my signature move!”
Uttered 4.2 seconds before my son’s second trip to the ER
“You don’t have the guts to shoot me.”
“What are the odds?”
“Relax. I’ve done this a million times.”
“Pfft. What the hell do they know?”
“Don’t worry, baby, I’ll pull out in time.”
“Oooooh, what a creepy house. I’ll check out the basement with the one credited as ‘Screaming girl no. 1’ and you take ‘Screaming girl no.2’ with you up to the attic.”
“They must have included these extra parts for idiots who can’t put things together right.”
My classics:
“I’ll lead the away team. Ensign Newguy Redshirt, you’re with me.”
“Oh, I balanced the equations using antimatter.”
“Set the safeties to zero and fire both tubes.”
Tripler
All TV/movie quotes.