“Directions? We don’t need no stinking directions!!!”
“It’s foolproof.”
“We males have an innate sense of direction.”
“I’m going to leave her.”
“Right. Now close the cylinder and spin it quick. Then…”
“Yeah, I’m sure it’s safe to smoke in here.”
“Of course I can tell a shark fin from a dolphin fin. Dive in.”
It isn’t loaded…
Honey, do you think this outfit makes me look fat?
note - there is no way a man can answer that one without disaster.
Didn’t work out too well for this guy. (4:00 in–violent clip)
I suppose this is less Darwinian stupidity and more epically bad luck, but…
“Hey, is this thing supposed to do this?”
“Warning: Do Not Press This Button”
“Yes, of course I turned the power off.”
“You worry too much. This will only take a minute.”
No one will even notice.
“Can’t help it – I’m a born lever-puller.” (Yellow Submarine)
We had some friends over recently and my older son insisted that we had to show off our party trick to them. The party trick involves propane, balloons and a source of ignition. All the adults had consumed a glass or two by then. I wasn’t actually very keen on doing the trick but my son insisted. So he set the trick up and it reached the point where my help was required so without thinking I said to the guy visitor:
“Hold my Shiraz…”
and he quipped,
“… and watch this!”
I totally lost it. Middle class rednecks indeed.
“Come on, I’ve done this so many times I could do it with my eyes closed”
“Don’t you tell me what I’m not supposed to do…”
“And exactly who is in charge here, (inferior rank title)? Do it, (other underling’s name)!”
“That’s all fine for the training class when you have all the time and all the things you need – this is how you really do it, watch…”
“Just this one time!”
“Directions? Who reads directions!”
“Inflammable means it won’t burn.”
“Only one way to find out…”
“Oh, they’re just covering their asses, the manual is wrong.”
And on a related note:
“Because we’ve always done it that way; now hold this wire while I flip the breakers…”
I’ve only had two beers, officer.
" I do. "
My family was on summer holiday, all of us loaded into the truck and camper on a little dirt road in the Rocky mountains. The road seemed to be getting progressively more rough and treacherous. Coming to a particularly ugly obstacle, the driver (my uncle, I believe) deadpanned “I saw this in a cartoon once, and I think I can do it.” It became a family catch phrase for when you had naïve optimism and were about to try something stupid.
NM…