Hollywood Stars You'd Like to Slap Silly

I’m talking non-talent actors–and recording artists and TV personalities–so self-indulgent, banal, and full of B.S. that they mesmerize you yet also revulse you at the same time. Barring a giant asteroid striking L.A. and doing the work for us, let’s name our hit list…

Woody Harrelson
Pamela Anderson
Hugh Hefner (not a star, but an insufferable old fart)
John Travolta
Britney Spears
William Shatner
Patrick Swayze
Arnold Shwarzennegar (whatever)
Barbra Streisand
Phil Donahue
Puff Daddy
Jennifer Lopez (repeat after me: “I am a terrible actor. I am a terrible actor. My ass is too big. Puffy is a wuss who also needs to get his ass kicked.”)
The ghost of Tupac
Tupac’s mamma
Lil’ Kim (skank-o-rama!)

Robert Downey Jr.
The wierdo formerly known as the artist formerly known as Prince
Regis Philbin
Kathy Lee Gifford
Our Local Weatherman. (putz) Not because of the weather, because he is insane in a bad way.

Too many others to name…

Anyone still saying “Whazzup!!”
Geena Davis for being so hot and being on a show so bad I can’t watch it.
Shania Twain, what’s she doing with a guy named Jeff, when she could have me? She needs an educated freeloading bum in her life!
Calista Flockhart - why is she trying so hard to look likr she was just liberated from a concentration camp? Don’t slap her too hard or she’ll break I’m sure.

Hmmmm… slap whoever decided to move TNN from Nashville to New York…sell outs. :slight_smile:

Tom Cruise: “Dude, you dumped Nicole Kidman!?!?! You must be crazy!”

Can I vote for ALL of them?

Anyone who feels that an ability to play pretend convincingly entitles them to tell us what or how to think.

Ok, care to elucidate on your damage with Donahue? He was a ground breaker who dealt with real issues and informed people on topics, unlike Springer and his ilk.

Freddie Prinze Jr. I’d like to slap that smarmy look off his face.

Rosie O’Donnell.

Another vote for Bill Shatner. A Kirk kick to the crotch for YOU!

Bob Sagget.

Tony Danza.

I’m sure I’ll think of others later.

There are a few people that need a bitch slap (or eight).

Don’t get me wrong, I think he’s talented and I am one of the despised millions who actually like his music, however he can get a little annoying. Okay, a lot annoying. Whenever someone makes that transition from angst to plain whiny it gets irratating.
It’s like he forgot to take his Ritalin, or something. I want to tell him “Okay, you were funny for a minute but now you need to drink a coke and chill before I reach back like a pimp and deliver you a ho check.”

Britney Spears
This bitch just plain can’t sing. She sounds like shit. Her friends try their best to make her sound good, but no matter how good her loops and beats and stuff sound, she just futzes it up with her nasally, trying-too-hard “voice”. If you’re going to be fake, at least try to be up front about it, like Pamela Anderson-Lee-Anderson.

Puff Daddy
I don’t know which is more sad: this joker’s records or the fact that people buy them. What really made me cry was seeing Sting actually condone the butchering of one of his greatest songs of all time. What a talent vacuum.

Anyone in Hollywood who does the following:
[li]Uses the term “tres” to modify any english adjective[/li][li]Worse, uses the term “tres” to modify an english word they have tried to make foreign by adding “que” to the end in place of “y”.[/li][li]Uses the term “chez” to describe anything from a gas-station to a five-star hotel, such as Chez 7-11.[/li][li]Orders something that’s not on the menu. Who the hell do you think you are?[/li][li]Not only orders something not on the menu, but insists the shallots be fresh, and sliced, not chopped or diced. I would kick you in the teeth if I was your waitor.[/li][li]Owns exotic animals like monkeys and lemurs.[/li][li]Undergoes extensive elective reconstructive plastic surgery, for no apparent reason.[/li][/ul]

Of course, that’s just my opinion, I could be wrong.

Ok, care to elucidate on your damage with Donahue? He was a ground breaker who dealt with real issues and informed people on topics, unlike Springer and his ilk. **

Good question, Hastur–and perhaps a bit reflexive on my part regarding what otherwise was a well considered list of miscreants. (grin) Compared to Springer et al., Donahue was a Nobel laureate. Springer deserves eternal damnation; Donahue perhaps a coconut cream pie in the face.

Yes, Phil was usually a class act, but he also occasionally stooped to pandering and sleaze and, in a sense, opened the door for far sleazier acts. Admittedly, Phil was starting to feel the ratings pressure, but some of his later stuff was pure dreck. NOW, are you satisfied with the list?

(Oregon, eh? Lucky!)

Streisand… (You are a singer/actress, not a politician… shut the hell up. By the way, weren’t you leaving the country along with Alec?)

Sean Penn… (You like smacking people who take your picture? Welcome to the world of “Celebrity Status”. Try and take my ass you prick… Let’s see how bad you really are)

Ice T… (Make a song called Cop Killer?? That alone makes me wanna “cap your ass”. But oh, now you are an actor… lemme see, what role are you ALWAYS playing? A good cop… Fucking hypocrite)

All Gagsta Rappers… (No explanation needed)

Rosie O’Donnell… (Your bodyguard can carry a gun to protect your children, but none of us common folk should be allowed to do the same? Fuck you)

The people that have sued McDonald’s and such for hot coffee and pickles… (Just because you are too stupid to be allowed to live)

Pamela Anderson… (You don’t like the fact that we get to see a tape of every guy you’ve ever slept with? Hey Pam… here’s a tip, leave the camcorder at home next time).

Tonya Harding… (errr…nahhh… She seems to be doing fairly well at getting her shit kicked all on her own).

All of them that want to get rid of TV/Movie violence… (what did you grow up watching? Combat, Gunsmoke, the Rifleman, Spartacus… gee, you seemed to turn out okay by your own admission).

Alan Alda - hubby had taken to watching all the MAS*H reruns on F/X these days, and I’m reminded why I quit watching that show. What a self-righteous ass!!

I agree with most of the others posted also. How refreshing it would be to have a celebrity confine his/her comments to the entertainment business and not assume that we give a damn about their politics!

The Baldwins, all of them
Martin Sheen
Eleanor Clift
Anyone who says “Jalo”
Marshall Mathers

Well, since Phil went out on top rather than degrade himself by pandering, why not replace his name with these:

Geraldo Rivera
Jenny Jones
Ricki Lake
Jerry Springer
Sally Jessy Raphael
Dr. Laura
Rush Limbaugh

and for good measure:

Judge Judy

MEG RYAN!! You stupid BITCH!!! How could you leave Dennis Quaid???

CALISTA FLOCKHART: who on earth gave her a baby? What if she goes on a binge and eats it? Oh well, she will just barf it back out anyway.

ROSIE: go buy some starving african or chinese babies that nobody has the money to save, and let the regular folk on 10 year waiting lists get the local ones! Honestly!!! For what she must be paying, she could save so many babies in need of help!

OPRAH: Listen up BITCH! If I had your money, a personal chef, a 24 hour doctor, a personal trainer and my own gym, I could lose the weight too! Spare me your sanctimonous "you can do it " crap!

Joan Rivers (can I slap her with a steel 2 x 4?)
Kathie Lee Gifford
Rosie O’Donnell
Emilio Estevez
Tom Cruise
Annette Bening
Barbra Streisand

Any actor who talks about their “craft.”

I forgot two…

Meg Ryan and George Clooney.
They both play the same freaking character over and over and over…

I almost fell off my damn chair when I read that…ahem…
Michael Jackson, hell ALL the Jacksons for that matter.
Bruce Willis
Demi Moore

Meg Ryan - Give up the “girl Next Door” thing, you’re almost 40.

Robert Downey Jr. - You’re not a martyr, give it up and get serious about drug treatment.

Portia Di Rossi - Gain some weight and hire a stylist, your sense of fashion sucks.

Woody Dipshit Allen