I get that as well. Cognitive dissonance is a good way to describe it.
Full Metal Monty
A sardonic marine and his buddies exchange wry one-liners as they put together a Chippendales-style act in a Saigon nightclub.
Typical line: I wanted to see exotic Vietnam, jewel of southeast Asia. I wanted to meet stimulating and interesting people of an ancient culture, and strip for them.
The story is told in flashback as Charles “Westley” Ryder, now an grandfather, has moved in with son and sick grandson to a country home that he discovers to be Brideshead. Charles though poor and common, becomes friends with The Dread Pirate Roberts when he breaks his foot and wants a replacement. Charles becomes involved with the Roberts family, which is landed gentry and Guildish in Protestant Florin. Charles recalls memories of his youth and young manhood, his loves (especially Buttercup), life, and a journey of faith and anguish.
A Funky Finger Production, no doubt. 
Poseidon Adventures in Babysitting
Elisabeth Shue and her babysitting charges are called upon once again to rescue her friend Brenda, who is trapped on a capsized ocean liner.
Typical line: “No one boards the lifeboat without singin’ the blues.”
Snow White Can’t Jump
In this heartwarming Disney feature, a young girl is forced to hide in the woods from the wicked Queen who wants her dead. She meets seven dwarfs and proceeds to whup their short asses at hoops.
Typical line: “Mirror mirror on the wall, who’s the best at basketball?”
Diehard to Kill
Bruce Willis and Steven Seagal fight each other to the death. The audience wins.
Typical line: Mostly monosyllabic grunts, really.
Night of the Living Dead Again
George Romero directs Kenneth Branagh as a man who discovers that he has lived before. In an ironic twist, he gets eaten by the reanimated corpse of his former self.
Typical line: “I’m not RomaaAAAAAAAGH!!!”
This just in from the Australian Film Board:
Mad Maximum Overdrive
In a seared post-holocaust landscape, motor vehicles come to life and try to finish off the freakish remains of the human race. Starring Mel Gibson as Max and Emilio Estevez as that pilot guy.
Point Breaker Morant
During the Boer War, three Australian lieutenants are on trial for robbing banks while wearing masks of US presidents. They’re exonerated when it emerges that they were surfing off Bondi at the time. Starring Keanu Reeves as the undercover MP with the atrocious Australian accent.
Muriel’s Wedding Singer
Adam Sandler sings Abba! ‘Nuff said.
And in the foreign film category:
Ran, Lola, Ran
An aged Japanese warlord will be forced to split his kingdom between his three sons unless his youngest son’s girlfriend can get 20,000,000 Yen in 20 minutes.
Geez, look at the crap coming out of the UK and Europe. This is disgraceful:
A Fish Called Wonder Boys
Michael Douglas stars as a burned-out professor who gets mixed up in a jewel heist with Kevin Kline and Jamie Lee Curtis. Tobey Maguire costars as the robber who just can’t seem to kill an old lady witness.
Typical Line: “M-m-m-m-Mike’s r-r-r-robbing the c-c-c-cradle!”
Happiness Birthday, Turke!
A German P.I. of Turkish descent gets into a whole mess of trouble when he starts dating Lara Flynn Boyle.
Typical Line: “Ist mager und knockurne, nein?”
The Remains of the Lost Ark
Anthony Hopkins stars as a repressed old jerk who fights Nazis for possession of the Holy Grail with Emma Thompson hanging off his side. Famous for his grotesque final scene in which the Nazis’ faces melt off in sheer boredom during a nine-minute dialogue marathon on the sitting room of some English country estate.
Typical line: (Insert unintelligible Emma Thompson chittering here)
And more crappola from Hollywood:
Men In Black Sunday
The boys from MIB must try to stop evil aliens from crashing a blimp into the Super Bowl. Hijinks abound when Agent J accidentally neuralizes both teams and they forget what sport they’re supposed to be playing.
Mighty Joe Aphrodite
In yet another vaguely pedophilic Woody Allen vehicle, the Woodster stars as a New York neurotic (surprise!) who falls in love with a prostitute played by Charlize Theron, but his advances are always rebuffed by her twenty-foot-tall gorilla.
Strange Brew Days
Ralph Fiennes plays a futuristic beer store owner who sells a lot of brewskis to two Canadian idiots in toques and flannel shirts.
Star Shrek
The crew of the Enterprise must do battle with the evil Lord Farquaad of the planet Duloc, while trying to retrieve the much sought-after Genesis Plot Device, a bomb that will turn Cameron Diaz green and fat.
Apparently this idea is getting around: I recently saw comedian Edd Case doing a bit called I Know What You Did Last Supper. His rendition of Jesus shouting “You want a piece of me?!?” was highly amusing.
Some new releases:
Lord of the Ring
A young Hobbit journalist and her son Samwise journey across hazardous terrain to defeat the evil Samauron by throwing a cursed videotape into the Cracks of Doom and/or by taping over it with West Wing reruns.
Typical line: “Rewind, you fools!”
Cry Frida
Salma Hayek portrays Mexican artist Frida Kahlo in this biopic. When her friend Leon Trotsky (Denzel Washington) dies in police custody under suspicious circumstances, Kahlo marries a really fat guy in protest.
Typical line: “I’m sorry, miss, but you can’t mix black and white paints on the same palette.”
Daredevil’s Advocate
Keanu Reeves is a blind corporate lawyer by day and a superhero by night. He is confronted with a difficult dilemma when the evil Kingpin reveals how stupid Daredevil really looks in his red bodysuit. Charlize Theron stars as Electra.
Typical line: “‘An eye for an eye?’ Are you trying to be funny?”
You guys are the best! I wish I could think of some (but alas, I’m a dolt).
One question: Did RZA get banned for dissing you guys in this thread? If so, that’s pretty harsh.
Carry on.
You guys are the best! I wish I could think of some (but alas, I’m a dolt).
One question: Did RZA get banned for dissing you guys in this thread? If so, that’s pretty harsh.
Carry on.
Minority Repo Man
Harry Dean Stanton and Tom Cruise know who will default on their car loans!
Kangaroo Jackass
Jerry Bruckheimer and a crystal-meth enraged talking kangaroo are stuffed into an oversized shopping cart and rolled down a hill while people shoot at them with AK-47s.
Four Big Fat Greek Weddings and a Mass Funeral
Funny ethnic people try to plan a large social event but end up killing each other. Hilarity ensues.
Well, I had a look through the the video store:
The Santa Klaus Von Bulow
Tim Allen is a hoot as a repressed old jerk accused of poisoning his heiress wife, all the while trying to deal with being the next Jolly St. Nick. Features Richard Karn in a hilarious turn as Al Dershowitz.
Featured Line: No! Don’t lick that candycane!
AMC Gremlins
In this Spielberg romp, a youth’s carelessness leads to his sleepy little town being attacked by really crappy economy cars. Features Phoebe Cates, but, dammit, she keeps her clothes on.
Featured Line: Don’t gas it after midnight!
Along Came a Spider-Man
Detective Cross must uncover the motives of a twisted killer. The only clues are pieces of evidence left in webbing throughout the city. The breathtaking climax includes an aerial battle between Morgan Freeman and the psychotic criminal in tights.
Typical line: “Who am I? Are you sure you want to know? I’m a natural born cocksucker.”
The Breakfast Fight Club
A diverse group of high school students beat the piss out of each other during detention. They contemplate the effects of consumerism and develop a bond of friendship that transcends the social class structure. The John Bender/Tyler Durden slugfest raises outcry about violence in the media.
Typical line: The first rule of Breakfast Club is: you do not talk about Breakfast Club."
Mars Attacks Fargo
When a bizarre kidnapping plot results in the death of the Martian ambassador, all bets are off. A very pregnant police chief is the only one who can defuse the situation when the planetary invasion hits the frozen north. The accents confuse the universal translator with hilarious results. Wait until you see what a Martian looks like after it has been through a wood chipper!
Thomas Hardy tried and failed to break into Hollywood with several of these.
The first was a collaboration with Henry James, The Return of the Screwy Native, but the clash of two authors’ egos was too big.
Far From the Face in the Madding Crowd was pitched as “Andy Griffith pushes a flock of sheep over a cliff with cracker-barrel demogogery.”
Tess of the D’Ubeverly Hillbillies an inocent lass is sent to live with rich cousin who soon has her swimming naked with him in the cement pond.
time to mention www.movienamegame.com (I’m not affiliated, although some of my submissions are on the site)
Oh bollocks. I knew I couldn’t have been the first to think of this… :smack:
Man, there’s some good stuff in here. I’m particularly impressed with Ran, Lola, Ran.
But from what I see in the coming attractions listings, it looks like they’re not even trying anymore:
big Trouble in Little China
A young boy’s wish to become a smooth-talking truck driver goes horribly awry when he finds himself in the middle of an ancient Chinese zombie’s quest to become immortal.
Typical Line: Okay, but I get to be on top! Me! Jack Burton!
Sling Blade
A mentally handicapped half-vampire befriends a young boy in rural New York and is compelled to save the boy’s mother from her abusive vampire boyfriend.
Typical Line: I shore do like them biscuits with blood on 'em. Mmm-hmmm.
Kate and Leopold and Ted and Alice
An aristocrat from the late 1700’s travels through time to the 1970’s, where he becomes entangled in the affairs of a disaffected wife-swapping couple.
Typical Line (from the audience): I can’t believe they actually managed to make both of these movies worse!
The Perfect Ice Storm
Based on the true story of a rough band of fishermen who ventured into the lives of a pair of dysfunctional up-scale families in Connecticut in the 70’s, right when their dangerous wife-swapping reached its tumultous peak!
Cape Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
The wild and wacky story of an oddball journalist and a psychotic ex-convict as they stalk a family on vacation in Sin City.
Just yesterday my buddies and I were playing this very game over email… Some of mine:
TEARS OF THE SUNSHINE BOYS
Two retired vaudevillians re-enlist with the USO to do their part in the War on Terror – and find themselves on a collision course with wackiness when they get stranded in the middle of an East African ethnic cleansing.
THE QUIET AMERICAN BEAUTY
A radical re-imagination of Helen Keller’s triumphant story. The chronically misunderstood 16-year-old runs away to Southeast Asia and discovers a kinship with the locals, whose cries for help are as ignored by the colonial governors as Helen’s own misshapen grunts are by her parents.
THE DEEP BLUE SEA OF LOVE
Al Pacino stars as an icthyologist who investigates the suspicious deaths of his colleagues and falls in love with main suspect Ellen Barkin, who may or may not be a genetically engineered shark.
PANIC ROOM WITH A VIEW TO A KILLING FIELD
A young Englishwoman (Helena Bonham Carter) visits Florence in the early 1900s where she meets a quiet but eccentric young divorcee (Jodie Foster) hiding out from her psychotic albino robber baron ex-husband (Christopher Walken). As the love triangle entangles all in this delightful comedy of errors, the Englishwoman must decide between her newfound feelings and the fiance waiting for her at home (Dr. Haing S. Ngor).
SAVE THE LAST FLASHDANCES WITH WOLVES FOR ME, MYSELF AND IRENE
When her mother dies, a spoiled ballerina (Julia Stiles) migrates West to live with her estranged dad (Kevin Costner) and his hardscrabble frontier lifestyle. She begrudgingly makes ends meet by dancing for grimy Transcontinental Railroad construction workers – until she falls in love with laborer Phineas P. Gage (Jim Carrey), whose develops manic personality swings after a railroad spike is accidentally driven through his brain.
MY LEFT BEHIND
Kirk Cameron is a former child star who had to have a left gluteal implant after a youthful butt implant went wrong. He didn’t know at the time that the new glute belonged to a crippled secular humanist Irish artist, and now he can’t ascend to heaven in the Rapture because his left cheek has to stay on earth for the End Times. Special cameo by Leonardo Dicaprio as a former co-worker who still has a career that doesn’t involve the words “straight to video”.
LAND OF THE LOST BEFORE TIME
Littlefoot, Cera, and Spike have a rude awakening when their new neighbors, three humans who plunged 1,000 feet during the greatest earthquake ever known, keep battering them in the mouth with long sticks whenever they go up to the cave to say “Hi”. Things go from bad to worse when Littlefoot is kidnapped, renamed Dopey, and forced to pull a wagon for giant strawberries. Andy Serkin plays Enik, a Sleestak obsessed with finding a crystal that Holly received from her Uncle Jack.
THE TALENTED MR. RIPLEY’S BELIEVE IT OR NOT
Matt Damon stars as a repressed gay sociopath obsessed first with befriending and then later supplanting Dean Cain as the host of a low budget reality series. Cate Blanchett plays a rich American tourist for no apparent reason.
OR
Matt Damon plays a 23rd century gay sociopath who turns murderous when he learns that his birth mother was a botched clone of Sigourney Weaver.
Saxman seems to have raised the stakes, and I can’t keep up. And yet, there’s all this work that I have to avoid…
A River Runs Through IT
The story of two boys living in Montana, trying to make peace with their reverend Father and the demonic clown living in their local sewer system while fly-fishing and doing battle against the forces of darkness.
Urban Legends of Bagger Vance
A group of hapless college students fall prey to a psychotic black golf caddie who re-enacts crimes based on well-known urban folklore stories.
The Hand That Rocks The Cradle 2 The Grave
When his daughter is menaced by an unstable nanny, the leader of a crew of highly-skilled urban thieves forges an unlikely alliance with a Taiwanese Intelligence officer to rescue her.
Tagline: Born 2 the Life. Bad 2 the Bone. Paid 2 Change Diapers.
Bring it On Golden Pond
The story of the hot, steamy rivalry between two groups of geriatric ex-cheerleaders. One (Katherine Hepburn) has led a life of privilege, while her rival (Della Reese) has lived a tougher life in the inner city. Can they overcome their differences and learn mutal respect in time for the big cheerleading showdown at Golden Pond, without breaking a hip?
Tagline: I did not want to see that!