Headline today in local newspaper.
Good og, you have to love headline writers. This can be interpreted on so many levels. What headlines have made you go :dubious: lately?
I remember seeing one reprinted in Viz that had slipped past the sub-editor. Describing the petty theft of tools from a garden shed, the story was headed:
Saw Snatch
You’d think cops would know how to defend themselves from hookers!
The lily-white Mormons in Utah are too family friendly and pure to realize that the hippies might make fun of our new state motto: “Utah: Life Elevated” 
A front page headline for a fluffy story about the Dragon Boat Festival from a crap Vancouver daily this summer:
CHASING THE DRAGON IN FALSE CREEK
On the off chance this needs any explanation:
…and False Creek is adjacent to the Downtown Eastside, the most drug-plagued neighbourhood in Canada. :dubious:
That video is far too pleasant a portrayal.
Yeah, I couldn’t really find anything that does the neighbourhood justice. 
[/hijack]
It’s not recent, it was thirty five years ago. (Damn) I delivered the Arkansas Democrat. Some experiment showed that the Sun was some 4 Kelvins cooler than previous experiments had shown. The calculator I had couldn’t calculate a percent difference that small. The Democrat had a headline, in larger type than they used when Pearl Harbor was bombed: SUN COOLING OFF! I was somewhat annoyed; that sort of thing would frighten my Grandmother. 
Well, there’s always the classic BRITISH LEFT WAFFLES ON FALKLAND ISLANDS.
… and the two classics from WWII:
Eighth Army Push Bottles Up Germans
MacArthur Flies Back to Front
I’ve told this before, but: a student newspaper was reporting that the new head of University Services was a man, contrary to administration promises to name more women to positions of responsibility. The headline was: Vice-Rector Services Another Male.
“Doctor Fuchs Off To America”
::wipes away tears of laughter, and hopes many people saved copies::
There is a somewhat famous one on the net along the lines of “Six Still Dead in Morgue Shooting.”
Some English-speaker sneaks great headlines in the Arab News from time to time. "Nut Strips, Bolts.
Some I’ve heard of, but haven’t personally seen:
“Man, exhausted, commits suicide by asphixiation in garage.”
“Blizzard hits seven states. Three missing.”
“London sizzles in the seventies.”
“Deer Kill 500,000”.
“Ike Beats Tina To Death” and my favorite from the sports page “Whiffs of Colon KO Tigers”.
To explain that second one, that was when the Tigers were horrible and Bartolo Colon was pitching for the White Sox. Now, Mr. Colon’s last name is pronounced like “cologne”, which makes a double entendre for the headline, but the fabled triple entendre when you factor in the way his last name is spelled. I believe he stuck out 9 batters that game.
Young Boys Wankdorf erection relief is an old favorite of mine.
There’s also one that New Jersey’s most embarrasing rag, The Trentonian, put out a few years ago. After a fire at Trenton Psychiatric Hospital, they went with the classy headline “Roasted Nuts”.
UNC-Chapel Hill had a basket ball player in the 1960’s whose last name was Peters. So when he was unable to play a game, the school ran a headline saying:
TEAM TO PLAY WITHOUT PETERS.
Hearing of their mistake, they ran another headline:
TEAM TO PLAY WITH PETERS OUT.
Note: “Peter” is southern slang for penis.
Peter ensued.