cheers
That’s fantastic! I’m glad the boss listened, and even made the suggestion for you to go to HR.
My cat sez your cats should get extra treats and lovin’s since they are letting you grace them with your presence at home for a few days. 
Excellent. I hope things continue to work out so nicely.
Way to go, monstro! Hopefully things will be resolved with a minimum of further drama.
Sorry, I am a bit late to this party, but I do have a bit of advice. There is a guy names Gavin de Becker who has done a lot of work on predicting violent behavior, especially in the work place. Some of your anecdote remind me of things I have read in his books about classic warning signs.
Here 's his website. The book is called ‘The Gift of Fear’, and I would recommend checking it out of the library and reading some of the more relevant chapters. I have a lot of respect for this guy.
monstro, I am so glad you were able to speak to your boss about this, and I agree with the previous poster who said that your boss’s coming in today to talk to you, says a lot about his respect for you and how seriously he is going to take this situation.
Keep us posted and best of luck!
I’m glad things seem to resolving well!
If anything, your cats will be able to protect you should you get an unwanted visitors. Bee Bee bites, right?
monstro - I just wanted to comment on this point. I work in an scientific academic setting.
Unless you have substantial monitory awards funding you - and I mean salary, equipment and travel, I don’t think you would win a competition with a competent lab tech/manager.
I’ve seen many, many post-docs get their walking papers because they can’t get along with the trusted lab tech. If this lab tech has been there for a number of years, and is liked and respected by your boss, I would be very reluctant to make waves unless you’re prepared to leave your current job.
At my University, Profs are at the top of the ladder, with staff such as myself second. Lab mangers come next with lab techs after them. Moneyed post-docs are next, followed by moneyed graduate students. Non-moneyed post-docs would be second from the bottom with non-graduate students bringing up the rear. If someone was to get the boot, it pretty much follows the ladder down, with those on the lower rungs going first.
You know what the circumstances of your employment are better than I do (obviously), but based on what I know about academia, and the exact sort of situation you’re describing (and I’ve worked in my department for 10 years), I would think you’re on very, very shaky ground if you decide to make a fuss.
I wish I could say something more positive - I’m assuming your position is only for 2 or 3 years - if it were me, I think I would just suck it up. 
Humm - well I just read your follow up - I’m glad your boss seems to be taking your side.
I hope everything shakes out well for you. 
I stopped reading the advice about 5 replies in. It comes down to this: He’s acting creepy and unpredictable, which is scary. So scary, in fact, that you feel worried and uncomfortable walking to your car.
It doesn’t matter if he gets fired, or if you have to leave, or so forth, when compared to your safety. Would you rather wait until he hurts you? It may be that he would never hurt you, but the fact that you’re concerned about that possibility is enough. Get this taken care of and fast to ensure your own safety. Please.
That’s a really great outcome! And some great compliments from your boss too.
Monstro , I’m so glad that your boss is taking this seriously. He sounds like a PI with at least some awareness of inter-personal relationships and personnel management. Those can be hard to find! 
Please keep us posted on how this resolves. I am especially interested to hear what HR has to say.
Bebe licks, which can be just as bad given her funky breath.
alice_in_wonderland, I’m a salaried post-doc (full bennies and expense account). So I guess that means I’m not at the bottom of the totem-pole, but I’m not queen shit of shit mountain either.
But is your boss paying for you or do you have your own funding (NIH, NSF, etc.) that you applied for and won independently? I think that may be what was meant by “monied.”
Glad the first step went well.
Just want to reiterate the importance of documenting.
We just went through the process of getting rid of someone at work (gov’t law office) and it was surprising how little of a paper trail there was, despite a several year history of pretty impressive incompetence.
I would suggest a brief memo/e-mail to HR and security would be appropriate, as well as an e-mail to your boss thanking him for discussing the matter and agreeing that you had not done anything wrong and that he would take care of it. In your e-mail to the boss, thank him for his suggestion that you go to HR, and tell him that you are taking him up on it.
And I would compile a personal “journal” of what you recall as the history of aberrant behavior, approximate dates, witnesses, etc. Nothing too lengthy - just a page or two. If things get nasty, and you get questioned, it is much better to be able to pull out a written list you compiled while in a clear state of mind, instead of relyingon your memory while being questioned. Further, there is the tendency in disputes that if one version is written down, that version often becomes viewed as the “true history.”
My gut feeling is that this will shake out alright for you, and that you will not need to go to any extreme lengths to protect yourself. But I think it only wise that you take a couple of relatively small steps to make sure this isn’t one of the infrequenbt cases that blows up and you don’t appear to be a convenient scapegoat.
Glad to hear your boss was sympathetic to your plight. I think this guy is off-balance in a scary way. I hope there is good security in your building, both at work and at home. Your story sent a cloud of creeposity that’s been hovering over me for days now.
That is indeed what I meant by monied. In my experience, bosses are much more reluctant to get rid of post-docs that have independent funding - heck - it’s free labour for them.
Further, I think most postdocs have benefits and expense accounts, regardless of where their funding comes from.
All that being said, it sounds like things are working out for the best anyway.
I think that an essential aspect of all of this has been overlooked: has anybody considered taking this matter to the police department?
Too often, this sort of thing can be overlooked in the workplace, with managers/HR trying to do psychological diagnosing from limited evidence. If you are reporting the facts accurately, THIS GUY IS A NUT! AND HE IS FIXATING ON YOU! (Dr. handsomeharry, Ph. D., Smarts)
Your boss’s big help is to say go to HR and he *sensed * that B may quit, In my experience, it ain’t the looney that quits. Call the police and ask them what your next step should be. This will serve two purposes: If B is legitimately stalking you, it may be a felony, then the police can step in.
Also, consider that the manager may let you go. Your friends may or may not come to bat for you. In real life, that means zip. Double ZIP, with sugar on top. Remember, they have their own friends, families, lives to live, and your situation is just a fine anecdote to them unless their interests are at risk. Even if they do, this just may be one of those times that the boss has to make an unpopular decision. Your fellows will be angry, but that’ll last about through lunch. A police file on B, on the other hand, may tip the balance in your favor if HR knows that the guy fits police profiles on stalkers.
best wishes,
hh
Also, don’t listen to the ones that say for you to have a talk/communicate with him. These people are as mad as B is.
Of course, you could recommend B to the fine Dating Services at the bottom of this thread!
hh
My boss pays for me. He hired me to take on a project he already had grant money for. So I’m guessing that makes me…less disposable? At this point it doesn’t matter, since no one is going anywhere (yet).
But anyway, here’s what’s happening:
My boss talked to B. yesterday, who’s first words (according to my boss) were: “I want to keep my job. Please don’t fire me!” So B. knew he had done a bad thing. It just sucks that he wussed out on his threat to quit (yet again).
My boss told me that B. did not deny that he had feelings for me. B. also acknowledged that he understood why his letter would frighten someone, which he says was not his intention. But he told the boss that I wasn’t communicating with him, and that’s why he was so upset. Um…I communicate with him ALL THE DAMN TIME! I exchange more words with him in an hour than I do with anyone else in the lab all day long. This is why this is all so infuriating. I told the boss that this is why I think the guy is off his rocker. Infactuation may make you read more into a situation than there is, but it doesn’t make you invent an alternate reality.
The boss also interviewed other people in the lab, since it’s basically my word against his. He didn’t make me privy to the details of these interviews (he actually didn’t tell me about them…I learned about this from another co-worker who called me last night). But I’m sure they corroborated my account, as well as contributing their own stories. I don’t think B. is going to be fired because any of this (the boss has already told me his hands are tied), but at least the boss has been put on alert.
The compromise is that I will have to move out of the lab and work in the adjoining office next to the boss. I’m not thrilled about this, since I like working in the lab. I like interacting with the other co-workers; I learn from them and enjoy their company. I don’t have much of a social life outside of work, so now I’m going to be a loner all day long. Although one of the co-workers promises that he won’t forget me during lunch, I know things are going to be different now…it’s not only B. that’s being punished, and this sucks. Also, I feel like this might excaberate things between B. and me. If he thought I hated him when we were pals, he’s really going to think I hate him now that I’ve separated myself from him. I told the boss that I’m concerned this isn’t going to work, but that I’m willing to give it a try. So we shall see what happens…
This is a compromise? Screwing you is a compromise?
His hands are tied?
If they’re moving you for your safety, it’s absolute bullshit that they aren’t taking action against him. If they are moving you to punish you, then it’s even more bullshit, though how it can be more than absolute is a logic problem I haven’t quite worked out. But still!
That sucks.