So right now I am fighting a cold. Nothing too serious just stuffed up with a sinus headache, but on Sunday I was really not feeling too hot. Yesterday I bought a little carton of milk to drink, just one of the 500ml ones. I drank some, straight from the carton (for shame!) and put the rest in the fridge for my coffee. I came in this morning and there was a meeting going on and sure enough they had stolen my germ ridden milk carton and were all gleefully filling their coffee cups with my tainted milk.
For some reason this is making me smile.
OK so it is quazi-evil, but I don’t have the energy for full evil today.
Well the office has been almost empty for the past few days and there are maybe two people who use the fridge. The meeting was a group that just comes in to use our boardroom. I didn’t even know they were in today.
I let my dog be tormented by her brother and, worse, I laughed about it.
My eldest dog, Bean, is getting grumpy in her old age, and she bullies the younger dogs if they annoy her. She was laying on the bed next to me while I laid there, reading. Polaris jumped up and Bean growled fiercely. Polaris tried showing her a submissive posture, but Bean continued to growl. So, she tried to leave the bed, but every time she moved, Bean would growl and snap.
Seeing that his sister was frozen, unable to move a muscle because of Big Dog’s temper, Sirius jumped up and attacked her. (Bean didn’t see him-- he knows her vision isn’t so good.) He set to biting Polaris’s back legs, yanking on her tail, and generally tormenting her. Polaris tried to turn her head to fight back, but Bean snapped at her. Poor Polaris stood there, miserable, being gnawed on by her brother and unable to do a thing about it.
What did I do as arbiter of justice? I laughed at her plight. The expression on her face was priceless. “I’m fucked. Totally fucked.” She had to stand there until Bean got annoyed and jumped off the bed.
One of my trainees showed up an hour and a half late this morning, after calling five minutes before the start of the session to say he’d be a halfhour late. I told him he’s buying everyone lunch today.
I am contemplating evil. OH YES I AM. The guy two offices down is clipping fingernails again! I want to go in there and gouge his eyes out. Seriously. I have complained about this before, and it is just about to drive me batshit insane.
I am normally a cheerful person, not prone to the evil. But on nail-snipping day, I become murderous.
Dear Guy Down the Hall,
QUIT snipping your nails. Do it at home in your own bathroom.
Sincerely,
Ellen, who is
SICK TO DEATH OF YOUR SNIPPING
I watched a man who had been yelling at the teacher aides unloading kids at the school turn the wrong way down a one way street and get hauled over by the cop watching.
The office idiot insists on yelling across the common room at people. “HEY JIM! WORKING HARD OR HARDLY WORKING?! HA HA HA.” “YEAH I’VE GOTTA GO TO BIGWIG’S PLACE BECAUSE HE TRUSTS ME SO MUCH.”
So, for today, I’m not listening. If it happens outside my doorway, it doesn’t happen. I can’t see or hear him. He’s had to actually haul himself across the room to talk to me. Twice. “I GUESS YOU COULDN’T HEAR ME…” “I don’t respond to shouting. Did you need something?”
And so he says to me, “you want to be a bad guy?” and I say “Yeah Baby! I want to be bad!” then I go, I says “Surf’s up space ponies, I’m makin’ gravy WITHOUT THE LUMPS! AH HA HA HA HA HAAAA!” I just, uh, I just uh, wanted to use, the uh, and so he says “Evil’s OK in by my book what about yours?” and I go “Yeah Baby Yeah! Yeah!” I just wanted to uh, wash my hands…
Mine is really malicious and evil, and I know if I keep staying happy about it karma will totally rear up and bite me on the ass.
One of my friends that I don’t actually like has parents that are Jehovah’s Witnesses. The fall production this year is a Christmas play. Her parents, not believing in that sort of thing, won’t let her do it. So, a person I don’t like gets joy taken from her and there will be less competition for ME! Mua ha ha ha ha!
Cherry, you’re not alone. There are some things that just shouldn’t be done in public. I share an office with someone who chews gum. With her mouth open. How can anyone over the age of 7 not realize that it’s not okay to smack your gum, especially when you’re sharing an office with someone? I have to get up and leave when she does that. I take a lot of bathroom breaks. We had a training session today–it was in a small room, so I was sitting in a chair and she was standing right behind me. I was so afraid she was going to drop her gum in my hair.
