How are you fucked up?

In My Humble Opinion
61

I found out about 6 months ago I have Multiple Sclerosis. So far, I have a fairly mild case of it, at least I still work and am fully mobile. Lots of people with MS aren’t.

I also have asthma. It’s triggered by allergies. I had it real bad in Korea, but since moving to Colorado, it’s not bad. While the Air Force was determining whether to medically retire me because the asthma, they did an allergy test. I was allergic to about 75% of the grasses, pollens, and molds they tested me on. Funny though, I’m only allergic to things externally, I’ve never found anything that I’m allergic to internally.

62

I wonder if those are connected? For the past ten years, my biploar episodes have always started around October/November. I don’t seem to have S.A.D., but there is something about certain kinds of qualities of natural light that seem to “get things started.” Unfortunatley once the ball is rolling it doesn’t seem to stop once the weather patterns get nice, warm and spring-like again. I always thought that was really weird and I always wondered about that.

I’ll have to ask when I go to my appointment in February.

63

I’ve had one car accident ever back in 1999, and I already know I have post-traumatic stress disorder as a result, but whenever I’m on a long enough drive that involves parkways I think “this is when I’m going to have my next accident.” While I’m driving I’ll imagine myself going like 70mph and crashing into a car in front of me.

I’m the only person I know who gets hives from the cold. If it’s really really cold out, and moreso if there’s moisture (rain/snow) or wind, I get hives on my hands and face.

I’m pretty convinced that I will end up with something very wrong with me. Like some weird illness or disorder. I don’t know why.

I care waaay too much about what other people think. I’m not really sure where it stems from.

I crave physical affection and yet I don’t know what to do with myself when I receive it. It’s sort of a fear of intimacy but I know exactly where this one stems from.

When I was in elementary school, they tested me for learning disorders because I would have a hard time completing my work but I got good grades. They didn’t find anything but I still feel like I might have an LD. For some reason, whenever I’m given instructions that go beyond like 2 steps, I immediately tune the person out and have to ask over and over what to do. I’ll be standing there and listening but internally I just go elsewhere. I don’t think it’s ADD, though.

64

I have one core issue, which is that I was sexually abused from ages 6 to 7. fortunately I don’t let it run my life anymore, with a couple of exceptions. 1) I don’t like anyone touching me, especially men, and 2) I can’t use public restrooms if other people are in them.

65

I’ve got some problems with depression and anxiety that are mostly gone now. Yay for medication.

When I was about 6 or 7, I was diagnosed with Chron’s disease, which is where your immune system attacks the lining of your intestines. I’ve been in remission for ages, but earlier this year I started having stomach pains that felt like Chron’s, so I went to the doctor and had a colonoscopy. They said it was perfectly clear, and there’s nothing wrong with me, but it still hurts, and I think that there is something wrong, but since the doctor didn’t seem to care beyond “You don’t have Chron’s” I haven’t done anything about it. (Oh, and Chron’s usually hits people in their early twenties, so getting it so young was really unusual.)

I don’t like people. I like one person at a time, generally, but people in groups I hate. Even groups of my friends–if there’s more than three or four, it’s too many. I don’t have all that many friends at all, really. There are people I’m friendly with, but they aren’t my friends. Mostly I think people are stupid and worthless.

66

Since the last election, I’m developing a level of scorn for many of my fellow Americans that time and perspective have yet to mitigate. I’m starting to feel somewhat oppressed by the ubiquity of religion and “values” in America, and fear there’s nowhere to hide children from it if I am fortunate enough to have them; I’m not even sure if America is a good place to raise children anymore. I’m losing my erstwhile desire to engage folks with political and social views significantly different from my own in any substantive way; rather my interest in them is rapidly diminishing, and all I really want from them these days is to be left alone by them. I’m becoming increasingly disinterested in debate of any kind on various key issues, because I simply dread the discussion, finding it overpoweringly repetative and irritating, little more than a perpetual rehash of a plague of memetic lies that have been so clearly refuted throughout the years I’m left speechless by the fact there is still a debate at all.

In short, I’ve lost all hope in about half of our country, maybe more. I’ve no desire to collaborate with them; rather, I’m preoccupied mostly with the question of how to protect myself and those close to me from them. I’m told by those I confide in this is too pessimistic an outlook, so I guess that’s how I’m fucked up. But I can no longer help it: I will tend to shun Great Debates now because I’ve come to the conclusion that the Fight Against Ignorance is a losing one, and I’m becoming disinterested in changing minds, since there’s no point in wasting the effort. Rather, I’d like to turn my attention to limiting the influence of those minds on my life. I fear that’s impossible in a democracy.

67

I am a sex addict and an ephebophile. I am a convicted felon and a Registered Sex Offender. I steal, and I tell myself that it’s okay because I deserve it more than they do, as I am hardworking and generally a good person. I see nothing wrong with taking what I want/need as long as I can get away with it. :rolleyes: (I also worry that people I take things from are letting me do it, just so they can let me get in too deep and then throw me in jail forever.)

I constantly wonder what people aren’t telling me about how they feel about me; this is where the bulk of my mental energy goes much of the time. I enjoy very cruel and tasteless humour; I like to shock people.

I am morbidly obese and addicted to sugar, starch and caffeine. I have bipolar disorder, and was medicated for about 9 years; I seem to be doing okay without meds currently.

I have extremely violent intrusive thoughts; thoughts of harming myself and others and also of intense, painful accidents. (This, apparently, is part of my OCD.)

I’m in therapy and will be off and on for life. I need to remain accountable for my sexual behavior.

Other than all that, though, I’m quite well, thanks.

68

I had mine removed in June, and I’m only 21. I win. :stuck_out_tongue:

I was tested for menopause (and a host of other stuff) because I didn’t get a period for more than a year. Apparently the blood tests came back “normal” but I’ve only had 2 periods in the last 17 months; one medically assisted (Provera) and one that came 2 months later all by itself, in September and November, respectively. Nothing so far this month. They suspect poly cystic ovarian syndrome, but I haven’t been back since, so I have no idea. Maybe I’ll get to see her again in January to figure stuff out.

My left thumb is completely numb. Around August or so, my doctor told me I have cysts on my wrist and to not worry too much about it. In October, they ruptured and last month they came back. At the beginning of this month it looked like I had tucked a golf ball under my skin. It looks normal now, but my thumb is completely numb, my index and middle fingers are tingly, and my whole arm hurts up to my shoulder.

I have an appointment in the morning to talk to my doctor about my arm, as well as chest pains I’ve been having lately. I worry that he thinks I’m a hypochondriac (I’m not, I swear).

69

I guess the earlier you get it out of the way, the better. It certainly does suck (not the actually surgery, the period beforehand).

70

Exposure/non-exposure to light is strongly connected to mood.

Here’s how it works for me: I have bipolar disorder, but no matter what my mood is in October (manic, normal, depressed), as soon as the time change happens, I start to plunge into (or further into) depression.

I am advised to use a light box during the winter, but to be careful with it: overuse can lead to mania.

71

Best wishes to everyone in this thread.

As for me, I have a memory problem. I can’t remember events in my life. I can’t remember things I’ve done, or places I’ve been. I can’t remember people, their faces or their names. I can remember almost all data I read in books, but not plotlines or characters. I can pick up a new language incredibly quickly, and I forget it just as fast. I took an intensive Greek course in college and was dreaming in Greek after a week. I don’t remember a word of Greek now.

I can remember any piece of data. I can memorize long strings of numbers, speeches, and the words to nearly every song I’ve ever heard. But I can’t remember important things, like my wedding and honeymoon, or what my friends look like.

People use me like a memo pad. They’ll say, “Remember this,” and rattle off something they need remembered. I remember those things for years. I was sitting in a doctor’s office when I was a kid and there was a magazine with a memory test. I was supposed to memorize 12 words, read the magazine, then recite the 12 words. I still remember those words after at least 25 years.

If someone tells me a story and I remember it at all, I’ll eventually “remember” it as something that happened to me. I’ll even fill in details. Because I know I do this, I’ll sometimes remember something, attribute it to a “friend,” and then find out from someone who knows me that it happened to me.

72

I often wonder if I have an ADD or OCD that I unconciously self medicated with pot for twenty five years, and that maybe my life would be a little better if I saw a doctor about it, but then I feel like the doc would feel like the only reason I’m there is to get amphetamines or something so I never go.

I always start out doing something…anything…with the best intentions, but end up abandoning whatever i’m doing out of boredom. Whether it’s a long planned bike trip, web page, house cleaning, whatever, I get halfway done and then say “fuck it”.
I’ve walked out of most jobs I’ve ever had, either out of boredom or anger at management (which is usually justified, but still…).

I can’t hold on to money. I’ll spend bill money on some stupid impulse buy. “Yeah, I know these Clove ciggarettes are seven bucks a pack, but I really need some”. My middle name is “buyers remorse”.

I got picked on and beat up all through elementary school and Jr. High, and I still have strong feelings of hurt and anger stemming from that that still pop up at random times. Even now, when I start a new job and meet new people, I always have feelings of inferiority and I feel like they their thinking what a dick I am.

At the same time, I also have feeling like I’m better than other people…Of course, my punk rock value system and impeccable taste in rock and roll IS infinately better than everyone else’s, but thats another story :slight_smile:

Like someone else posted, you can tell me something, I’ll say OK, and then two minutes later, I’m asking “What did you say?”. This happens ALL the time.

I cant remember details. I can read a book or watch something and not remember any of the finer points. I can remember that I heard a line or a watched a scene that I really liked, but I can’t remember the details. I’d love to participate in those Enterprise threads, since it’s my favorite show, but…

and also , I tend to lean toward being passivie-aggressive, I have low self esteem, I watch entirely too much porn and I always think the grass is greener somewhere else. Oh…and I hate proofreading :stuck_out_tongue:

73

That could be me talking, except for the menopause test. Back in high school I’d get my period for like 2 or 3 months in a row and then not for a while. When I got to college I was getting it once every like 8 or 9 months. I went to the gyno to find out what was wrong. Blood test came back normal, everything looked normal. She told me she thought it was possibly polycystic ovaries so I was scheduled for a sonogram and that came back normal too. Ultimately I was put on a low dose birth control pill and I’ve been fine ever since (4 years now). I’d ask your doctor if that’s an option.

74

I’ve recently been diagnosed as depressive with bipolar disorder. That may soon be revised to depressive with hypomanic disorder, as my psychiatrist and therapist are still hammering it out. In the meantime I am on Wellbutrin XL, Trazodone, Depakote, and Risperdal. Yay for drugs.

I have major trust issues, I often have nightmares that no one likes me or no one believes a word I say, or that no one will even pay attention to a word I say even if I’m screaming in their faces. I cry whenever I talk about anything remotely personal. I too do the flashback/reliving of humiliating or painful experiences.

I have manic episodes where I cant. stop. cleaning. and .organizing, even if I want to.

It was a relief to finally see a shrink and have an explanation for my most bizarre behavior going back to my teenage years.

75

That happened to me as well. I didn’t have one period from the time I was 16 to the time I was 19. They just…stopped. Which was fine with me, because who wants periods anyway? But I decided to get it checked out, went through a series of tests and exams, including the sonogram, and everything came back normal. So they started me on BC pills, and problem solved.

Though the first period after nearly 3 years of nothing? Oh my god. That was possibly the worst experience of my life and I really did think I was dying.

76

My right eye is twitching right now. I’ve had this problem for about three weeks now. Drivin’ me crazy!

I’m becoming a lazy person and a procastinator: two traits I’ve always frowned upon in other people. It takes all my dwindling discipline to complete small tasks like putting a bill in the mail. If I don’t sit down and make myself fill out a check and put a stamp on an envelope, I will just keep putting it off, until I come close to forgetting about it. But I say close because I never forget about it. The anal retentive part of my brain will just keep nagging me and nagging me, until I break down and do what I should have done three weeks before. The cycle is annoying and stupid.

I don’t like talking to people on the phone. My aversion hasn’t always been this bad, so I don’t know what’s causing it. Just the act of calling someone up to say hi seems like chore as dreadful as washing the dishes. Often the phone will ring and I’ll ignore it because I don’t feel like dealing with it. This makes me feel guilty. My boyfriend has been out of town since Thursday and I haven’t called him once. (But it’s okay because he understands my phone-a-phobia. He has it, too.)

Christmas stresses me out. First because I hate shopping. I don’t like being around all those slow-walking people, who block the aisles and vegetate on the escalator as if it’s an amusement park ride. I don’t like dealing with the chum-in-a-shark-tank ambiance of the parking lots. I don’t like being hungry but finding nothing to eat in the mall except tasty garbage. Whew, just thinking of being in the mall makes me feel tired. Shopping online helps a lot, but it always seems as if I have to take at least one trip to the mall. And I find it as unpleasant as being locked inside a Porta-Potty at the peak of summer.

Secondly, Christmas stresses me out because I’m always worried that the gifts I give are inadequate and that people will think poorly of me because I didn’t put enough thought/orginality/sincerity/effort into their present. This anxiety is self-imposed and I know it, but it doesn’t keep me from dreading the holiday the same way a student dreads a final exam.

77

Sigh. Where to start?

I tie my weight in with my self-worth. I’m not obese, but I’m by no means skinny, either. I’m a size ten and I’ve decided to just eat one meal a day to lose more weight. I have an intense fear of being fat. I make snide comments about fat people to myself. I don’t treat overweight people any differently than I treat other people but I’m physically repulsed by them and don’t want to become one. I also have a poor self-image of myself. At one point I pudged up to a size fourteen. I still think of myself as that size.

I have no real friends, and rarely does this bother me. I have one buddy with whom I go to lunch occasionally – we work together. I have another buddy who is my counterpart in another office. We talk on the telephone while at work and email each other from time to time but I almost NEVER deal with them outside the office. They’re both like me in that they don’t want to deal with people outside of work so it works out perfectly.

I have an intense fear of commitment. I’m married but don’t like it. I love my husband and kids, but if I had to do it all over again I’m not so sure I’d get married again. I think my fear of commitment spills over into my no-friends rule, too.

Rarely do I read fiction. See, if I start a non-fiction book I don’t like, I can easily stop. I can’t stop reading a fiction book. I have to finish the book. Before I read fiction, I read tons of reviews. I especially like reviews from cynical people like myself. If enough cynics like the book, I may give it a whirl. I think in the past five years I’ve read three or four fictional books, tops. I’ve read too many non-fictional ones too count.

I procrastinate like you with the face. It’s disgusting and I’m always chiding myself to grow the fuck up and take care of business. My kids almost went without insurance once because of my procrastination. If it weren’t for online banking and forcing me to set up a system, almost nothing would get paid on time.

I have a morbid fascination with gore. I visit ogrish dot com and rotten dot com (they don’t update their site enough for me, though) more than any person should.

Something’s wrong with me with regards to my brain chemistry and I know I need help. I won’t see someone because I’m afraid to face what I went through as a child. I also don’t want to take medication for my issues. My ups and downs are awful. My husband thinks I need medication. Part of the problem is I don’t want to be one of those people. You know, people who can’t cope with life so they have to take medication. Wimps, weaklings, pussies. Now, yes, I know that’s not what they are. In fact, they’re braver and smarter than me for recognizing they need help and getting the tools they need to manage their lives. This is becoming a big issue, though.

I’m an emotional cripple. I don’t understand people or their feelings. I only pretend to. If there’s a problem, it’s hard for me to understand what I perceive to be whining about it. Either fix it shut up, but don’t whine. For those of you agreeing that last sentence, try raising kids… If it wasn’t for the fact that el hubbo is such a great parent, I’d being putting some therapist’s kids through college (or at least paying for their orthodontia) in about ten to fifteen years.
I don’t think I like myself very much. I wish I were kinder, smarter, taller, thinner, had better skin (I have eczema), longer hair, in better shape and knew more. I’m too lazy (for the most part) to do anything about it.
[Seinfeld]
Good luck with all that.
[/Seinfeld]

78

Yeah… not proud of this, but…

I have severe depression, and I used to cut constantly when I couldn’t deal with it, but for now, I have stopped.

I (like another poster here) also stopped eating, and eventually attempted suicide.

I bite my fingers (just below the fingernail, perhaps on the last joint, and take the skin off them until they bleed. I’m afraid they will get infected, but I can’t stop doing it.

Believe it ir not, the Pink Floyd stuff really helps to make me feel better.

79

To add:

I have a very, VERY sick sense of humour, and it scares people away. For that reason, I can’t really show the majority of my art portfolio to people, and I don’t have many friends.

80

Yeah, she said I’d probably wind up on BC or, if I want to have another baby, fertility drugs.

I’ll probably pass on both.