I thought that giving him the script or directing duties (where he messed up most before) might be a laugh, but having his name anywhere in the credits would get someone’s teeth grinding.
Have a genetic alteration virus turn everyone into Ewoks. Except for a Sith Empire composed of Force-capable Jar Jar Binks clones in black robes.
Cleverly edit and release Episode I as Episode VII.
Really, I bet it could be done, and still result in a better film than the turd from 1999.
Though that still isn’t saying much.
Ewoks vs. Jar Jar Binks in Sensurround
With a highly explicit Ewok victory orgy.
“I…don’t think Ewoks are all that cute anymore.”
An Alternate Universe re-telling of the story from the first movie that re-imagines it for a modern audience.
Princess Leia played by Janeane Garofolo as a wisecracking lesbian.
Han(nah) Solo played by Marcia Warfield as a wisecracking lesbian.
Darla Vader voiced by Kathleen Turner as an angry wisecracking lesbian.
Luca Skywalker played by Noelle Messier as a naive wisecracking lesbian.
Obigyn Kenobi played by Faye Dunaway as an aging, world-weary wisecracking lesbian.
Chewbacca played by Grace Jones, voiced by Rosie O’Donnell as a wisecracking lesbian (lines subtitled).
Directed by Ang Lee
Crossover with Star Trek by having Wesley Crusher do a walkon to save the main Republic base.
And that’s different from the originals…how?
Plus there better be a Padme, Sabe and Dorme threesome scene, with original actresses, no recasting.
Directed by Chris Columbus. Using Mo-Cap.
"My name is Solo ---- Han Solo.
And I like my Nerf-Herder Special shaken, not stirred."
Episode VII: The Star Wars Christmas Special
I win.
I like kaylasdad99’s version.
My suggestion:
Episode 7: Luke turns evil. Luke’s son (Luke Jr.) talks to his girlfriend about sand and then beats up on his dad.
Episode 8: Luke Jr. turns evil. Luke III talks to his girlfriend about sand and then beats up on his dad.
Episode 9: Luke III turns evil. More sand talk and more paternal ass-whuppings.
Han Solo and Chewie sell the Millennium Falcon to Jar Jar and Wicket. Hijinks ensue.
No, the original characters from eps IV-VI, need to be in VII, but in a way that makes them completely different from how they were then (not in an interesting character development as they mature way, just completely different personalities). So, Leia reveals she was just flirting with Han (and Luke?) to keep him in the Rebellion, Luke talks about how much he was motivated by hopes of financial reward, and so on. As a bonus, it should be shown that the victory of Ep VI (really everything in Ep IV-VI) was pointless. Maybe the Force-ghost of Vader reveals (in a chatty, gossipy, almost comic relief way) that the Force naturally balances things, and the Emperor was turning to the Light Side and about to peacefully retire. THEN the wisecracking prepubescent cutie’s adventures begin (with two new droids as companions. Child droids, of course. No, don’t ask how that works). Oh, and her adventure is resolved by some technology or Force power that was clearly stated to be impossible in Eps I-VI. Add in some (OK, not some, lots of) gratuitous yet unsatisfactory CGI, some gratuitous Jar-Jar, Jr. appearances and I think we’re good to go.
For the most enthusiastic fans, the movie will be a piss-off simply by being made.
There really is no pleasing you people.
Nobody else will be pissed off by Episode VII.
Sorry, but that’s garbage. Star Wars is an incredibly rich universe, one that is rife with story telling opportunities. It takes quite a special talent to completely screw up the a star wars film.
Even the prequels would have been decent enough for me if George Lucas had let someone else direct. The overall themes of the movies werefine, and there is an amazing level of imagination that went into building upthe Star Wars universe
Lucas managed to complete screw it up by creating his characters based on what would make a good toy, giving his actors no direction and terrible dialogue to work with, then ignoring his own continuity and taking ridiculous short cuts with the plot (“She died of a broken heart”? Come on!). Even then he was able to occasionally do something great (such as the Darth Maul fight at the end of TPM)
Most fans will be thrilled with the idea of a new SW film. We just require a director with a basic film-making skill set
Star Wars Episode VII: Dude, Where’s My X-Wing?
Okey dokey, then.
:rolleyes:
At this point, a large portion of the fanbase will consist of people who were wide-eyed kids when Episode I came out, so I’m guessing one source of disappointment will be “not enough Jar-Jar.”