How best could Episode VII piss off fans?

Now that it’s been announced, how could the script of Ep VII annoy fans even more than the the unfairly attacked prequels?
Lets see
StarWars Episode VII, Original cast as they look today
StarWars Episode VII! All Ewoks all the time
StarWars Episode VII Episode V retold with Hayden Christensen as a suitless VaderI
StarWars Episode VII, The George Binks Story (if you do not know who George Binks is, look up the site not called wookiepedia.
StarWars Episode VII, naughty Handmaidens, actually could work.:smiley:

Musical.

Ewoks. Lots and lots of Ewoks…

There will be an huge showdown between Ted Lupin and Scorpio Malfoy … oh, wait, sorry, wrong universe …

Ewoks are cute!

{Earworm]
♪ Just an old sweet song keeps Jar Jar on my mind ♪
[/Earworm]

“Being Jar Jar Binks”

Not when you sat down in the theatre still expecting to the see seven-foot-tall Wookies kicking Stormtrooper butt on Kashyyyk you were promised when they were promoting Revenge of the Jedi, they aren’t.

That kind of hurt never goes away. No, you sit there in your seat, and from the first flash of recognition when an Ewok shows up on screen, you’re all, like, “I’ve got a bad feeling about this.” Just like that, your childhood is in ruins.

sob

Wookie penis.

I know that Lucas originally intended to use Wookies instead of Ewoks in Episode 6, but did this idea really last long enough to reach the promotional materials? I kinda have trouble believing this.

Anyways, I bet the most realistic way they screw up Episode 7 is put it far enough in the future that none of the main characters from the 4-6 trilogy show up. A bunch of new characters no one really likes. (I liked the concept of Star Wars Legacy, but I admit that none of the characters really ever grew on me, leaving the whole exercise kinda soulless for me).

I dunno, that might work. Isn’t there something in the EU about Han and Leia having kids who grow up to be Jedi? Having the old cast (in minor roles) as parents of adult offspring in Star Wars: The Next Generation wouldn’t be the worst idea. Okay, so the bar isn’t very high, but still.

“MAIDS (Midichlorian Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome)”

Darth Duck?

Mr. and Mrs Solo are going out to dinner to celebrate their fifteenth wedding anniversary. But who’s going to watch the kids? There’s 12-year old Lucas (named for his uncle Luke) right at the awkward, gangly part of space puberty, 9-year old Ami (named for the late Grandma Amidala), a smart-mouthed prepubescent cutie, such as are found all over EVERY galaxy, near or far. Bringing up the rear is little 4-year old Anikin, who doesn’t do much, but the Force is VERY strong in HIM. Who’s going to be able to keep up with these irrepressible little dynamos?

Well, probably not old uncle Jar-Jar, but he’s the only one available. Han and Leia are just gonna have to hope for the best.

The best is not to be, unfortunately, because guess who just got out of space jail? Why, it’s Rocky the Hutt, not pleased that his uncle Jabba has shuffled off this mortal space coil (through the good offices of the kids’ mother), and he’s interested in discussing his dissatisfaction and possible retributionary measures with the happy anniversary couple.

Oh, hijinks are GONNA ensue, you can bet your bottom Quatloo on that!

(working title: Blue Working Title)

Casting anyone from one or more of the following:

Shake it up
Austin and Ally
Jessie
Suite Life on Deck
Suite Life of Zac and Cody
Hannah Montana
A.N.T. Farm
High School Musical

By being good enough to get mainstream approval, infuriating hardcore fans who sneer at the masses for not picking up on the thousand of minor details that collectively form an insulting, childhood-destroying symphony.

I’m pretty sure the best way to piss off SW fans is to make Epsiode VII about Kyle Katarn and then proceed to fuck up the story by introducing a lame sidekick or giving Katarn some ridiculous character flaw.

Especially since the Star Wars fans know that movie canon supersedes EU canon so they’d have to live with the fact that the lame version of Katarn is now, forever, the definitive version.

ETA: Or find some cheap way to cash in on another EU character that has no business being there, like finding a reason for Revan to show up post-Empire just to cash in on the recognition.

How best could Episode VII piss off fans?

Simple. By letting George Lucas have absolutely anything whatsoever to do with it! (Aside from cutting the check)…

I dunno, they do call it a space opera after all.

So wrong yet so right. :smiley: