“Throw you a dead fish” is an old expression from my youth; we used to toss it around as a sort of sarcastic congratulations when some one seemed to be boasting about something. It probably doesn’t apply to you since you really didn’t seem to be boasting, therefore I apologize for using it.
IF we are discussing the courtship aspect of a relationship, a vastly different level of income might be a significant factor as would the probable difference in background. In other words, there would be a difference in peer groups.
In my own experience, my peer groups were mostly hippies and ex-hippies; we never put a lot of interest into money and I don’t mean that we were superior to those who did–we simply had a different mind set. I’ve earned a relatively good living all my life as have most of my friends, although not at your level. When I said “What the hell difference does it make?” I was considering an established relationship between a committed couple; if the commitment were made between people of equal background, education, and earnings and something happened to dramatically increase or decrease one of those people’s earning power, then what the hell difference would it make if the commitment is real: committed people stick together through thick and then. My post was probably not relevant to the real point of this thread but I often have a hard time keeping my mouth shut and/or my fingers off the keyboard.
That’s how we are too. We both grew up poor and then hung out in hippie subcultures and we didn’t develop the desire or drive to have expensive things. Our status symbols were things like having a really great remodeled bus, growing the best pot, having the best connection for acid or the best tape collection or being talented at making things to sell at Dead shows. Even though we both ended up making a lot of money once we settled down we still don’t have any desire for a fancy house, expensive cars or jewelry. Instead we bought a funky old country cottage with great views, gardens and lots of outbuildings for hobbies. I don’t look down at people who have lots of money and enjoy spending it in other ways but I can’t work up enough of a desire for upscale things to want to pay for them.
This crap bothers me endlessly. My wife sometimes feels guilty about buying stuff for herself because she’s not currently making an income, and my opinion is along the lines of “once it’s in the joint account, it’s OUR money regardless of origin. The fact that I’m putting 100% of my income into said account is wholly irrelevant.”
We went through that a while ago too. I was putting all of my extra money into savings and he was putting his into materials for all of the repairs, remodeling and other projects to improve the place. At one point he referred to the emergency account as ‘your money’ and I had never seen it that way any more than I saw the new decks and outbuildings as belonging to him. Part of the problem was that I do all of the finances so he felt disconnected from that. We worked it out, and none of that money has ever been touched without us both agreeing first. He’s not shy about disagreeing or wanting to discuss his priorities with me anymore. He has more say about what projects or repairs need to get done and when because he has a lifetime of experience, and I get more say over long term financial planning because I’m good at administrivia.
I just throw it out there for context. I don’t really consider it boasting since, taking into account where I live, my age and peer group, it really isn’t that much money. But I your reaction is a good example why potential income and wealth disparity can cause problems in a relationship, even for people who say “they don’t think about money”. A lot of “hippies” I knew in college could afford to play with beads all day and smoke pot because theit parents were wealthy lawyers living in Greenwich, CT. Someone who grew up dirt poor and had to struggle growing up might be very resentful by a flippant attitude of “oh I don’t really care about money” as if it were some luxury they couldn’t be bothered with.
People who have money tend to take things for granted that the people without money often have to struggle with. That obliviousness can breed resentment.