My SO’s father, who lives on the opposite coast, was a wealthy man. He was extremely successful in his career, a real mover and shaker in his field. He kept his wife in jewels and the finer things; he bought a house for his #2 Son and daughter-in-law; he was paying to send his granddaughter to a private school; he treated the whole family (including me, as his #1 Son’s partner) to lavish vacations every year. To say he was generous would be an understatement. Nothing gave him more joy than sharing the bounty and making sure those he loved never wanted for anything.
Yesterday, he was fired from his job and picked up by police for questioning about stealing from his company. He denied it and they let him go, apparently not having enough evidence to charge him.
Then he dropped the bombshell of a lifetime on the family: he has a gambling addiction, and not only is he flat broke, he was stealing from the company. It’s probably only a matter of time before the authorities catch up with him, if he doesn’t turn himself in. Even if, by some miracle, he doesn’t go to prison, he’ll never get a job in the industry again. He’ll have to sell his house so he and his wife can eat (if that’s even an option – can his property be seized in a case like this?). They’ll have to move in with #2 Son and daughter-in-law, and even then they’ll probably all have to downgrade to a smaller home because there’s no way #2 Son and DIL, although they’re both working professionals, can afford to pay the mortgage on that house.
He’s guilty as hell and I don’t defend what he did, but this is not a hardened criminal or menace to society. This is a dear, sweet, wonderful man who did something wrong and got in over his head. I’m sure it’s destroying him that he can no longer even provide for his family, let alone keep them in the lifestyle to which they were accustomed. The worst torture will be having to explain it to his six-year-old granddaugher, and what she’ll think of him after that.
I haven’t mentioned this to my SO, but I’m seriously concerned that father-in-law will kill himself. It would be completely out of character for him to abandon his family, but we would have said the same about what he’s already done. Anyway, extreme depression can warp your thinking, push all practical considerations to the background, and convince you to the core of your being that your loved ones would be better off without you. In a way, it would be like him to end it all rather than bring further financial ruin to his family by having to pay for his legal defense. What’s more, he had a brother who killed himself about a year ago, and suicidal tendencies run in families.
I more than half expect my SO to want to bankrupt us trying to help his father. He’s always been self-sufficient; though we gratefully accepted FIL’s generosity when it was offered, we didn’t rely on him for day-to-day living. SO is currently supporting me while I go to nursing school, which, fortunately, is almost over, but we really can’t handle much more financial strain right now.
But that’s a side issue. Right now I’m looking for some way to keep FIL alive.