If somebody picked me up without my permission, they would get an earful, and quite possibly get kicked when my reaction to being picked up is to fight my way free. Oops, you mean I kicked you in the balls? Sorry. Not.
Does this woman smile a lot, especially when she’s telling you what she wants you to do? I am a very ordinary-looking male, and I am often astonished at how frequently women, especially young women, conduct the most routine transactions with a big smile. It’s great to be civil and professional, but too much friendliness can easily be misinterpreted. And this woman is going to be a prosecutor? The only time she should be smiling is when the bad guys get frog-walked off to prison.
Also, in the kinds of circumstances you describe, an indignant “Stop that! What’s wrong with you?” can be very effective. It makes clear that the behavior is unwanted and inappropriate, but avoids the possible consequences of threatening physical violence (like her coworker writing a memo to higher-ups claiming something like “I inadvertently brushed against her and she threatened to kill me…”).
Also, there are probably little postural techniques that she could experiment with. If she is talking to a taller person (as she usually is), does she look up at them with her full face turned up, like a child talking to a parent, or does she keep her head level and just lift her eyes? If someone is standing in front of her desk, she should push back from it to reduce the angle between their faces. I’m not kidding, this non-verbal stuff makes a big difference in perception. I have met men much shorter than me who scare me to death just from the way they carry themselves. It might be worth talking to some female cops to learn about projecting that “don’t mess with me” attitude.
Nice lurking there Halfpint, it must take restraint. 
I think you got the right idea on how a person should handle themself.
My wife is 5’ 4" and never wears heels. She’s a teacher and students, especially teenage students, can smell fear better than a pack of wolves.
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Walk tall – like others say, try to make the space you occupy bigger than you are. No half-hearted gestures, either. Either talk with her hands, or don’t.
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Eye contact – right up to the point where the other person feels threatened
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Speak confidently – I notice my wife shifts down to an alto register in her professional mode. Even with a high-pitched voice, she should stay away from that end-on-a-question Valley Girl tone.
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Hair – if she has bangs, she should cut them. Get a hair style that frames her face, not hides it.
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Dress – little girls wear short skirts. Her hems should be somewhere around the knee. Blouses, jackets, etc. should be well-tailored. Make sure sleeves or collars don’t look too big.
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Body language – I hate the movie, but I suggest she rent “The Music Man” with Matthew Broderick and Kristin Chenowith. Chenowith is smaller than your friend. Watch it, particularly the first half, with the sound off to see Chenowith’s body language.
My 21 year-old daughter stands an even 5-foot tall. She looks 16 and she’s painfully shy, but she also projects an aura of “not to be messed with.”
I used to have a teacher who never had a problem with people not doing their homework. It just never happened. Even I, who didn’t do my homework out of principle, always did my homework for her. I can’t explain why this was: it was just inconceivable that anyone would not do their homework.
I’m 5 foot nothing, and no one has invaded my bodyspace since I was in high school. I can’t conceive that they would. It has nothing to do with my self-confidence, the way I carry myself, or the way I behave (especially as I’m well aware I quite often come across as a dedicated airhead). I’ll admit that I have a vicious tongue, but most people aren’t aware of this until they cross a line with me. Nevertheless, it would take someone with a lot of balls, and defective brain circuits, to treat me in a condescending manner (and if they did, they sure as hell wouldn’t do it, or quite a lot of other things, ever again).
It seems to me that your friend has accepted that this will happen to her, and doesn’t react appropriately. She needs to develop a bit more self esteem, and be genuinely appalled next time it happens to her.
I had a roommate that is 4’11 (and a half) who NO one in their right mind would mess with. She has Shirley Temple curly auburn hair and dimples.
Still, I was afraid of her.
She just had… presence.
I have to say that as far as simple surface appearances, there are some things that she can do that will make people respect her more:
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Get a short, stylish haircut. It will make her look more professional.
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Wardrobe should be well-tailored and not girly. Feminine is OK, but I’m thinking specifically of white-collar office clothing.
Of course she may already be doing both of these.
I also think a self-defense course would subtly help her with body language. Knowing you can defend yourself can actually make a visible difference in how you carry yourself.
As a relatively pretty 30 year old woman who looks more like 25, I can definitely sympathize with having a hard time getting people to take you seriously. It helps a lot if you kick ass at what you do, too. Good luck to your friend!
These are some good suggestions. I’m seeing some patterns emerge too that I think might be valid. My friend does NOT carry herself in a manner I would call “confident.” While I don’t think she suffers from poor self-esteem, I wouldn’t lay money she doesn’t, either. It’s an avenue worth looking at, as are the hair cutting, fashion styling, and various body-language adjustments.
Tow further details: She actually works on civil cases, not criminal, and she has never actually been in physical dangerm to my knowledge.
Next time in the showers she needs to shiv one of the leader girls right in the neck and kill her. This will get your friend six months in the hole, but the others will respect her from then on.
Do you, **Lizard * treat her any different because she’s “petite and cute”? Think about it for a sec. If she were 5’9" and weighed in at a healthy 140 lbs, would you be coming to her defense?
Many small women get used to the extra attention, and (unconsciously?) encourage it except when it’s the unwanted kind. My ex-wife (5’0", 95lbs) did. Not in a sexual way, but she’d take advantage of other peoples, men’s and women’s, protective instincts. She was, and still is a successful sales rep. for business telecom systems. But nobody messes with her. Not her present husband. I’d hate to be the man who tried to pick her up and move her. Well, except her present husband. 
Basically it boils down to:
Look the part, act the part.
Even if she feels it’s all a farce, and people can see right through what she’s doing… chances are, the majority of people won’t or if they do they won’t care.
She may want to try out something like http://myvirtualmodel.com to see how various work outfits look like on her, from a detached viewpoint. Or, some other kind of virtual modeling software so she can see better how a slight change in clothing and/or hair can alter how she presents herself to others. (I usually see this kind of software in the cheapy section.)
Since every person is different, suggestions on clothing/hair alterations that would work on me probably wouldn’t work well on her, so I’ll leave details out. (A short hair cut on me, for instance, would make me look even younger and inexperienced.)
Any chance you could give her an honest critique of her work outfits, Lizard? It could just be she’s wearing clothing that makes people react with a ‘Awww, how cuuuuute, looky the little girl playing dressup’.
I think others in this thread have given better advice on the ‘act the part’ bit than I could, so I’ll leave it at this.
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Give her an AK-47 and tell people that’s she has a hair-trigger temper. And has had really bad day.
It might not last for long, but people will immediately treat her with respect.
When I was a young lass, my college advisor gave me a great, simple piece of advice.
Be what you wish to seem.
If you want to seem like a person who is not to be trifled with, then be a person who is not to be trifled with.
If you want to seem like a person who can row six miles, then be a person who can row six miles.
If you want to seem like a person who is considerate and kind, then be a person who is considerate and kind.
You’ve seen Kill Bill, right?
Tell her to take her cues from O-Ren Ishii.
I can’t objectively answer that question, but I don’t consider this thread to be “coming to her defense.” If she actually needs defending, she has a husband for that. I think in the past she has ascribed motivations to my behavior that jibed with similar behavior she saw from others along these lines though. For example, claiming I was being condescending, or that I thought she was a pushover. It didn’t match up well with what I actually thought though. As I told her, if I thought she were a pushover we wouldn’t be friends, because I don’t respect people like that.
Her willingness to call me out on this leads me to believe she is not subtly encouraging it.
I don’t think I’d want to be the one to do that. She often wears skirts I personally consider too short, and she has a great pair of gams. Runners’ legs, actually. (I’m quite conservative about female dress in the workplace, even though I’m capable of enjoying the show at the same time. If I ran an office no woman would be allowed to wear clothes that showed cleveage or dresses that went above the knee.)
It’s possible that showing too much leg could cause people to not take her seriously either, though.
I’m also a small person (one friend describes me as “being built on a 3/4 scale”) and I have to take exception to a few of the things posted in here. Bitchiness - or even standoffishness - is NOT necessary to command respect. Nor would I recommend telling your friend to change her hair or clothing, unless she’s wearing pigtails and mary jane shoes to work. (That said, I tend to wear fairly severely tailored clothing myself, because anyone my size in ruffles or eyelet just looks juvenile.)
I’ve been through what your friend has, and it is exasperating. People who know me well don’t even try it anymore. Humor helps in informal situations - I once told a tall acquaintance that if he called me “shorty” one more time, I was going to climb up on a chair and poke his eyes out. Professionally, I find that being respectful and dignified usually works, but on those occasions when someone crosses the line, a frosty, “I BEG your pardon?” is about as bitchy as I need to get.
I’m another short Doper (5’1" woman). I don’t usually have problems with people invading my space, and when they do, I politely tell them that I don’t like people to stand so close. I had to train certain co-workers that were touchers that I don’t like to be touched. I actually once reflexively slugged a co-worker who came up behind me and innocently tried to tuck in the tag on my shirt. I apologized, but explained that I wasn’t comfortable being touched, especially from behind. Basically it’s just one of those tings I don’t tolerate. As far as being taken as an adult or a professional co-worker, I never seem to have that problem. I act like a professional and expect to be treated as the same.
StG
I’m female, 5’8", so I don’t have any first hand suggestions to add here but I agree that your friends 2 best “weapons” would be her posture and her attitude.
I work frequently with the legal department of our state. The lead attorney is a woman who is probably about 5’2" and she commands the room when she enters. She is very attractive, blonde, open and engaging personality. I cannot imagine people would even consider invading her space. She is not bitchy but she aggressively pursues the interests of the department. She comes across as very confident…has sort of an air of “I plan to win” even if when you get alone with her it is “Oh my God, we are so screwed.” It did not really occur to me that she was so petite until we started going to hearings together…it was almost a surprise. She wears red a lot now that I think about it. Her stature doesn’t really seem to figure into who she is except she always looks great in all her outfits 
I don’t see mannish clothes and different shoes being the issue.
As with many things in life, I think judo would be a good thing for her to try. It will take some time for her to do it; but if disrespect is really a problem, then solving it should be worth some effort. She doesn’t actually have to hip-toss some slob who’s man-handling her, because throwing people in class (along with learning to break their arms and choke them unconscious) really is a big confidence boost. One actually learns and practices flipping people; it is a full-contact sport, which means that she will know that if push comes to shove, she can throw her 98 pounds into a drop-knee seoi-nage and if the offender avoids the throw, at least he’ll realize that he’s dealing with someone who will can call his bluff.
Also, or instead, she may look for a “real-world” self-defense course. From what I’ve heard, she’d want to find a “bullet-man” course. That’s where they have some guy in the full Robbie-the-Robot padded body armor, and then he assaults people and they beat the shit out of him. I’ve heard that they’re fantastic.
Frankly, I don’t know how to fake physical confidence and I think that may be what she needs to project, whether she’s dressed like a lumber jack or a stripper.
In the mean time, she can’t let people get away with forcing physical contact on her. If she’s afraid to do it herself, then she has to get the physical confidence to do it.
You can, if you wish, teach her some simple, attention-grabbing moves. She can stiff-arm people who get too close, or learn some simple responses for wrist and shoulder grabs. If you know that sort of stuff, you can show her how to do it. Obviously, the response will be dictated by the situation; at a party or a bar she can tell a person to back off and “push” them, with the “push” being a firm, quick shove to the solar plexus (sp?) with the heel of her palm. (The body movement is the same as in Bruce Lee’s Three-Inch Punch.) Or maybe utilize some of the police control points, i.e. pressure points. The office is a different matter, but she can still use moves to escape a person’s grip. Or she could do the thing where you take the bent pinky finger and squeeze the tip toward the second knuckle. Hurts, but is not like she’s going all ninja on someone at the office.
Or, she can be really rough if she wants. For example, a quick, back-hand slap to the nuts is going to get a person’s attention. She can do a great hand-shake thing: When the other person reaches in for a handshake, but before he grasps, quickly grab his thumb between your thumb and index finger (pinch it between the thumb and the metacarpal of the index finger) and twist counter-clockwise. This will wrench the guy’s thumb and cause quite a bit of distress. So when Mr. Kissy-Kissy does his deed, she can say “Good one” and offer to shake his hand. When he takes the bait, wham! he’s crying about how she hurt his pwecious wittle hand.
I guess, what else is there to do? She is being bullied because of her size (& presumably her demeanor). A sharp, authorative “Back off!” should give your average pest the hint; but if she doesn’t have the physical confidence to do it, she’s going to have to get it. Personally, I’d have trouble with that if I thought that I had nothing to go on if somebody called my bluff. That’s why I would want it to be a warning instead of a bluff.
IMO, of course. I’ve never been picked on and I’ve never been a bully. I don’t have much experience in the area.