Dealing with "Friends" who often are insulting

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

So it happened again.

A friend in my social circle said something that insulted me . . .again.

We run in similar circles, our paths have crossed more than once, he’s friends (kinda) with a friend of mine and as a result I’ve included him in several social events so now he’s an acquaintance of more than just me. I even rode his float in a parade (which was a lot of fun).

But he has this uncanny way of making me feel like the ugliest thing on the planet.

First, it was calling me a scary amazon. (I’m 5’9" - not 7’9" - he’s about 5’7" or so I guess - maybe taller).

Then, it was photoshopping a picture of me that I shared online, so that it would be “more flattering.”

Then it was going on and on about how big my breasts were - not how he loved that they were big - but just that they were huge.

Today, I posted a pic on my blog of the cute new shoes I bought - and his reply was “Do you have enormous feet?”

When I asked him if he meant to be mean, or if he was just an accidental fart - he said he wasn’t trying to be mean, just that he has another friend that’s taller than him who has to buy her shoes at a store that catered to transvestites and he wondered if I did too.

:smack:

If I didn’t know better, I would think his name was Ron.

He’s not a crucial part of my world, but a part of me thinks maybe he really is that ignorant. And since he is a part of my extended group, I don’t want to create a lot of drama by suddenly “unincluding” him from everything.

I let him know today that what he said insulted me - I’m going to leave it at that.

But I was wondering, ***Do any of the rest of you have insulting friends? Care to commiserate? ***

2

I don’t have any problem disincluding people I don’t enjoy from my social calendar. I think I would give it one shot… “The things you say really hurt my feelings, offend me and make me uncomfortable. I’d like to ask you to stop and think before you respond to me or ask me questions or comment on my physical appearance”… If he didn’t cease and desist… I would.

Sorry he’s said such shitty things to you.

3

He’s got issues. Not you.

4

He’s mentally in 3rd grade and is attracted to you.

5

I used to have a ‘friend’ like that. Actually, she is the mom of a kid who used to be a friend of my son. Back when they were in middle school, we’d go over there and hang out on weekend nights, or they would come to my house. Her husband was a pretty nice guy. She was kind of harsh, and would make offhand comments which really stung.

I let my ex-husband have that set of friends when we divorced. Good riddance.

There was another ‘mom-of-a-friend’ before that, who was really really mean. I just made it a point to avoid her. It wasn’t always possible, because we had a mutual friend. On those occasions when I had to be around her, I would grin and bear it.

ETA: Hey Ogre, I heard it was cold in Bama today. My buddy in Birmingham said it was 15 degrees this a.m.

6

Personally, I am really hard to offend, so those kinds of comments would be met with my (much more vicious and deliberate) replies in kind. If it gets to you, just stop inviting him around, and if he is invited by someone else, just ignore him. Eventually, he might catch on and that would be nice, if not, then you’ve eliminated the issue anyway. Also, just to play the Devil’s Advocate, he might just be completely clueless and a simple “ya know, the things you say might not be meant to be mean, but they sure as hell are rude and I don’t appreciate it” might work.

7

Is he a Jovial Dick?

8

He doesn’t think you are enormous, he thinks he is teeny. Tell him to knock it the hell off or you will crush him with your enormous shoe like the slug that he is. Then wave your shoe in a threatening manner.

9

While others see insults, pbbth sees opportunites. That’s a noble trait.

The guy is giving you golden invitations to give him shit.

10

This, exactly. Perhaps he thinks you are “out of his league” or he just feels inadequate, being shorter than you, and the snide comments are to cut you down to size (no pun intended!)

He could be a clueless dolt or just a straight up asshole. The “transvestite shoe” comment has me leaning more toward the latter.

11

This sounds to me like the equivalent of Billy shoving Susie on the playground. I’d say it’s a reasonable bet that he harbors a crush and doesn’t know how to deal with it like an adult.

12

I was thinking too that it might be what Ogre said. He doesn’t know how to flirt, but he thinks he is doing so.

13

I am completely curious what he did to your photo to make it more “flattering.” That’s just so weird.

14

I didn’t know men could say that sort of thing without getting their ears boxed. Is this what I’ve been doing wrong all these years?

I’ll add my vote to the “third-grade mentality,” double-entendre that it implies and all. I avoid people like that and yes, you could shoot back some of your own comments. IMO that’s kinda last resort b/c 1) two wrongs don’t make a right, 2) it’s stooping to his level (ahem) and may make you look bad in the eyes of others, 3) it’s risky because he may escalate it, and 4) he may eat up the attention.

15

Aha! So I just explain to him that I don’t date 3rd graders. Gotcha!:smiley:

This made me laugh out loud. Thanks :slight_smile:

Yeah, I think he’s a clueless asshole . . .

I think he photoshopped out my bra strap, put “highlights” in my hair, and “recolored” part of the outfit I was wearing. Both my bf and I agreed it looked worse, not better.

Just to be clear, here was the conversation from today (with some additional comments) This was posted on my blog, after I posted a picture of the new shoes I had recently purchased and were wearing that day. My feet were not in the picture - just the shoe:

He: Do you have enormous feet?

Me: do you intend to be mean all the time? or are just an unwitting fart?

He: Sorry, I wasn’t trying to be mean! I mean, you’re tall, so I figured you did. My friend who is taller than me has to shop at store that cater to trannies since they are the only ones who have her size.

Me: I have never had to shop at a store that “caters to trannies” for my shoes.
Miraculously, me and my amazonian, oversized self usually just walks right in to a normal store without being escorted out by security or anything . . .

He: should I just shut up now, or continue sticking my feet in my mouth?

Me: shutting up now would be a good idea. Cause your feet might be enormous. :stuck_out_tongue:

puskunk: actually they are very dainty.

(guess he missed that shutting up part . . .)

16

That’s some rude shit there. He probably does like you but still posseses the mentality of an 8 year old.

A womans beauty knows no size or any other boundaries for that matter.

I’d recommend he stock up on vaseline so at least he’ll have one friend he can abuse at will.:rolleyes:

17

Thanks :slight_smile:

Surprisingly, he has a wife and spawn. And they are polyamorous - although I think she is more than he.

18

Yeh, he’s an idiot trying to flirt with you.

19

He likes you.
He’s an idiot.

Your move.

20

I vote he’s flirting. I mean, he clearly knows he’s being a social f*tard. hence the “foot in mouth” comment. Now, why he can’t self-censor is a whole nother can o’ worms…