Yeah Ruffian, you have been away for far too long! Get your new house settled in already. I need to make fun of DeathLlama more often for being a (snicker) band director (Ha ha ha ha!). 
I don’t think you go far enough. He’s got a cool alternative rock-band FACE to go with the hair. I’m still waiting for his first album to come out.
Yeah, he’s got FRONTMAN written all over him, indeed!
Pat is, like, totally cool.
He made me a cd.
He tolerated my children.
He stayed the night at my house and didn’t wet the bed.
He looked at my web history with all the porn and didn’t tell anyone about it. I mean…oh never mind.
He makes me laugh.
His laugh is contagious.
Pat is a funny guy. If I were a girl, I’d be stalking me some Pat.
Hey Pat, the kids keep asking, “Where is that p-r-c-r guy?” When are you coming back to No. Cal?
Hellooooo demo, as soon as you have another BBQ, Pat and I will drive up on Friday. Get wit it! 
It has taken me a long time to actually respond to this thread. I read it when it was first posted, but I had to do some research and thought. First, I had to find out who Trelane was. After finding a picture of him, I spent the rest of my time trying to figure out whether or not it is a good thing, I look like him.
After drinking many good beers, and many more umbrella drinks, I decided that the my world was spinning, and I had to lay down. I still haven’t come to a firm decision on the whole Trelane issue. But, atleast I have the name for my alt rock band all set up. Trelane and the Thunder Kittens
Coming soon to a venue near you!
Ok, I am not sure what sort of disgusting activity Spiritus was actually referring to when he said I should do a sock set, but I thought I would give each of you guys your own personal sock puppet.
Here goes…
Java Maven-
Toasty Fried Shrimp Man
Your sock puppet likes to enter every thread and say something nasty about the OP. It is usually just a one-liner, and he very rarely, if ever, comes back to the thread to continue the discussion.
Here is a good example of how you act as your sock puppet, Java.
OP: Hello everyone! I just saw Mission to Mars, it was a terrific movie.
TFSM: You jerk! I wish you would take a mission to uranus and leave us all alone with your boring tripe.
Actually, you have a better imagination then me, so I am sure you will be able to be nastier.
Rasa
’lil Sunshine Honey
Your sock puppet is in love with the world. She often comes into threads to spread her own brand of insidous positive energy throughout. She enjoys quoting old Laverne and Shirley episodes to prove points in GD. Her sig is filled with quotes from recent Disney animated features.
OP: I am so pissed at the airlines. I bought a one way ticket to Kansas City, KS they took me to Kansas City, MO. Now, I won’t be able to see the grand opening of the largest DQ in the world. I hope the airline goes to hell.
lSH: Buck up! KC is one of the most fantastic cities in the world. As Shirley often likes to say, “Don’t let the city you are in decide your mood, instead smile and say, I am happy wherever I go.” Let a smile be your guide! TTFN
Of course the Laverne and Shirley quotes you make will actually be real quotes from the show not made up stuff that came out of my head.
Doobieous-
Long Shoes Pete
Your sock puppet is a person who has gone through past life regressions and found out he used to be a pirate. He was wanted by several countries, and he buried treasure all over the world. Mostly he starts posts himself to talk about his past life experiences. But, he also likes to intrude in GQ threads that talk about ships and shipwrecks to tell his personal knowledge of how it happened. Most of his nautical knowledge sounds like it came out of Popeye. Without, Bluto Olive Oil, or the spinach - oh, no Wimpy, either. So perhaps, it would be more precise to say that he has little nautical knowledge.
LSP: I just got back from the hypnotist. New revelation! I buried fourteen large crates on the coast of South Carolina. You South Carolina Dopers, go look for it! Perhaps you could keep some of the treasure, but the bulk of it should go to me. To aid me in my quest to find out more about my former self. Let me know about what you find.
Wow, this sock puppet creation is taking more effort than I thought. I will get back to the rest of you fine folks later. Well, not that you care, but I kind of enjoyed making them up. (Anyway, it is definite proof of how cool I am… Sure.)
pat
Mercutio-
Paul
Paul is a sock puppet that you are guranteed not to get caught with. He will enter a thread and say “Me Too!”, not neccasarily in such a concise fashion, but in effect that is is all he says. He often will agree with several oppossing viewpoints - all in one day. The beautiful thing about him, though, is that he agrees with everyone, so noone will dislike him enough to think he is a sock.
OP: Macaroni and Cheese is the best meal that can be made. I wish more four star restaruants would make it. I would have something to order when I took my wife out for our special meals. As it is, I have to chew bread and gnaw on my knife.
P: It is like you are reading my mind! I hate having to choose from all those fancy dishes when I go out to those fancy places. I wish they could make it easy and have a dumb guy’s menu. Those tastes are too varied and weird to be enjoyed by humans.
OP: I love when I get a chance to go out and have a fancy meal and a night on the town. My husband likes to take me out once a month to a restaraunt called Le Bec Fin. The food melts on the plate, and in my mouth. It causes riots of happiness. There are so many great tastes to choose from. I try to choose something different each time.
P: I could not agree more. Let costs be damned. I like to let the waiter decide what I should eat, each and every time I go out. At the places I go to, this is a sound decision. At new places, they point me to the house speciality, and I love it. The places I am a frequent customer give me new tastes to enjoy each and every time.
There, murk. I know you will do much better than me. You are good with all your multiple personalities.
Monster104-
Sally FauxMinkHead
Sally has an opinion in every thread, Monster. It’s just that none of her opininos belong to her. They belong to her boyfriend, who just happens to be pre-med. He is going to be a doctor someday, don’t you know? It really doesn’t matter what the subject is. She will enter the thread, tell the previous poster how wrong they are. Then let everyone know what her boyfriend thinks about it.
OP: This week really sucked, but I don’t feel as bad as I might. I didn’t have enough money to pay for meals, so I had to sell plasma. When I was walking back home with the my hard earned money, I saw some poor man who is living on the street. It is supposed to be 12 below tonight. I realized, I could go another night with just rice. I gave the man the money I just made. I hope it brings him comfort, even if it is found at the bottom of a bottle.
SF: My boyfriend, who is pre-med at BU, says it really isn’t a good idea to sell your plasma. He says you might get lightheaded and dizzy. Is it really worth it to get lightheaded and dizzy for the little money you would make? I do know how hard it is to always eat the same thing, though. My boyfriend’s cafeteria always serves the same thing. I go with him all of the time. And it is always hamburger, or chicken, or something boring like that. He said, when he becomes a doctor, we will never eat the same things twice in one month. Oh, and you shouldn’t give your money to “street people”. My boyfriend says they are all just con-artists who collect your money. When they have enough saved up, they buy a place in Florida. My boyfriend says, they all have a community together. They like to play bocca ball.
There you go Monster104. Do good things with that sock!
pat
or is that dread? I get them confused somtimes.
Pats the bunny
Sue Dunhym-
Suzy HooHah
Sue, your sockpuppet is a person who likes to enter every and any thread, no matter what it is about, and tell everyone about her sexual activity. She likes to tell about the incidents with her husband, with her husband’s sister, with her dog, with the dog’s brother, with the football team… You get the idea. This wouldn’t be much different then 25% of SDMB posters, but for one small difference. She refuses to use anything but cutesy terms in her constant barrage of sex talk. “Well, we rang the marital bell 10 times that night, and he wasn’t even my husband!” That is a something you would often see coming out of her fingertips. Her ability to turn any thread into sex chat, coupled with her obsession with finding cutesy euphemisms for all things sex make Suzy a sock puppet to be reckoned with.
OP:Oh boy. I need some help from my learned Doper colleagues. The copier at our work stopped working. It only seems to output pages with black streaks down both ends. Right now, the company is a bit cash poor. I don’t want to call the service guy, if I just need to go out and buy some toner for the damn thing. Any advice from other office drones?
SH:OMG! That reminds me of the time hubby met me at the office. It was afterhours, so barely anyone was around. Well, we had ourselves a little skin party. I took his coverings off. He took off mine. Then he started to work on my jello molds. It was jiggly fun. Then the real fun began. I took Little Mister Hoohah out and we began to dance the horizontal lambada vertically. The we made photocopies of each other’s best assets. It was a night to remember.
Spiritus, I will save you til last. That way I can gurantee atleast one person will read the thread until the very end.
pat
DRY-
Caveman Carl
For a poster who often quotes Shakespeare and has a huge vocabulary, I thought a puppet of few words would be a good cover.
Carl chooses a person he likes or dislikes, and follows them around. He responds to the threads these guys start with either “Loser!” or “Go Boy!”
Ruffian-
Lisa LlamaHeart
Lisa is an animal lover. I mean, she really really really loves animals. No! Not in that way. Just in the, PeTa, ALF sort of way. She enters positively every thread chomping at the bit, preaching against the sins of animal cruelty. The thing is, she finds animal cruelty in the most unlikely places. In other words, everywhere.
OP:Tapeheads is the finest film ever made by an American director. Bill Fishman was able to weave together disparate culture influences to create a tapestry of Los Angeles and American life. This film really should have been at the top of AFI’s list. Those pretentious snobs do not know true art.
LL:You insensitive bastard. Tapeheads, like all films, caused more animals harm then all the Romans who ever lived put together. They say at the end of the film that no animals were harmed, but that is just more Hollywood propaganda. They often use dogs to carry cameras to the set. They use horse hairs to make wigs for the actors. They use frogs to improve their precious coffee. The amount of animal deaths because of one ordinary film rivals an animal world war 2. It disgusts me that you can enjoy it. Tapeheads is especially reprehensible, it uses a an “eatery” that serves waffles and chickens as part of the story. Eating animal flesh is not entertaining. It is downright disgusting. I hope the makers of this movie die in a horrible train accident. Pigs!
Ok, there ya go another two puppets. Enjoy.
Heloise-
Karl’s Marks
Karl is communist. Well, duh. He is a special kind of communist. He is a firm believer that the internet is the true opiate of the masses. The Straight Dope especially. He believes that anyone anywhere near a computer, the internet and a message board must be a toady for the Capitalist establishment. He has different posting personalities. Sometimes he will just quickly post. “DIE ALL INTERNET USERS, FOR KEEPING THE WORKERS SHACKLED.” Other times he will comment on the actual points being brought up in a post and refute them in his own style. He is an annoying sock, and I am sure you are happy to have him.
OP: Everyone please say a prayer for my daughter. She just got out of surgery, and the doctor’s are not sure if she will fully recover the use of her fingers. I hope and pray she is able to. I just want this ordeal to be over. Please, I am asking for your support. Thanks, I love you guys.
KM: Your love is misplaced, “Loving Mother”. The drones who are at this message board are no more capable of giving love then a common trash compactor. They do the work that their capitalist leaders tell them to do. They then go home and spend money to keep the system of sloth aloft. They sit comfortably in front of the computers reading words they barely understand. Just, so they can make more money to give back to their capitalist owners. No, my dear. You are hurting your child more then you know by sitting their begging for support. Honestly, I think she would be better off without the use of her fingers. Then there is less she can be enslaved for. That is all.
poohpah chalupa-
YIC Crown Of Thorns
Religous zealotry is a fact of life around the SDMB, at times. YIC takes this zealotry to new levels, plus he/she adds ther own spice to the religion. YIC is a Christian. YIC has added some tenents to the faith that haven’t been widely accepted. YIC believes that Jesus Christ died for our sins, and he rose again. YIC further believes that JC has risen again and is amongst us today. YIC believes that the new Christ has climbed the top of the pop charts and is making millions of young fans scream in joy. That is right, the living breathing Christ of 2001 is NSync’s Justin Timberlake. YIC is mostly a OPer. Not often, does he/she respond to others. Too busy spreading the love that Justin Timberlake is around to the world.
YICCOT:
I wanted to spread the good news to everyone at the SDMB. I have participated and enjoyed the words of everyone here for the past two months. You are all wonderful people. In my heart, I know you need to be made aware of the TRUTH. Everyone knows the awesome feeling of being held,nourished, and cared for. Did you know you could have that feeling everyday? It is from Jesus Christ. Everyone knows and loves Jesus, of course! But, did you know he is alive and among us today? Not, just the Jesus from the bible, but a real living and breathing Jesus? He dances and He sings. His name is Justin Timberlake. Justin. The J is just like Jesus’. Timberlake, that signifies he is from the land, and ready to save you to the heavens. Listen to the music, praise him for what he is. And remember, WWJTD!!!
There you go, poopah, the first blasphemous puppet.
pat
Any socks for me? My feet are cold… 
Ok I recant…
you’re pretty cool, pricciar.
Anybody seen my sock?
Snooooopy-
Babe Clemente
Snoooop, you get to be a sports sock puppet. Since, you already have to follow sports in your career, you are perfect to play the part. Babe is a sports nut. She is also a front runner. Front runners make for especially annoying sock puppets. During a tight penant race from day to day will change her loyalties, and deny the changes and accuse other’s of putting words into her mouth. She studied debate at the Jim Rome School of Debating Science. She failed most of her classes, but she did excel at “Forensics 216: Cliches- A debator’s closest comrade.” She is guranteed to show up in any thread that debates any aspects of sports in America. She has a tendency to mock other country’s sports, “because noone really follows them”.
OP: Well, then. The winter olympics are finally upon us. Fortunately, the scandals over bribery and kickbacks is over. We can concentrate on the games themselves. What events will everyone be most interested in? What events will your country bring home the gold medals?
Babe Clemente: Ummm. Well the Winter Games are really boring. I don’t know why they don’t bring football in. We could see some Americans kick ass in a real sport. Or alternaitvely, have basketball in the winter games. I mean, basketball is always played in the winter anyhow. Plus, there are no other Winter sports that anyone watches. But, you can bet your asses that people will be watching my boys Shaq and Kobe whoop it up. Like any of that other stuff is even a sport. Figure skating? Any “sport” done to cheezy 70s disco music, is really not a sport. I’m out!
Louie-
Brock Henderson
Louie your sock is very simple. He never starts his own threads. He just responds to others. His response is the same, no matter what the original line was. He usually starts at the top of the thread list and works his way down. I like to think he is spreading sexual joy the teeming millions.
OP:Hey! I have a date for this weekend. Yes, that is right. She sits behind me in chemistry, and I have been dying to ask her for weeks. Now is my chance. Any tips for me on a first date?
Brock Henderson: You, my friend, are a SEX machine!
OP: What does everyone think of AI? I saw it last night with my wife. I feel taht it asked just as many questions as it answered. Haley Joel Osment was a joy to watch! Seeing how he hasn’t seem to aged much since Sixth Sense, I think he might also be some sort of advance acting AI.
Brock Henderson: You, my friend, are a SEX machine!
OP: What is the origin of the game Frogger? I know it is about a frog jumping over the road. But, it seems such a bizarre plot line for a simple video game must have an interesting origin. Does anyone know?
Brock Henderson: You, my friend, are a SEX machine!
OP: My grandfather passed away this week. He had lived a long full life, now is his time to join the rest of his class of calvary men. Grandpa! Here is to you, I hope you are happy with the horses.
Brock Henderson: You, my friend, are a SEX machine!
Well, I think you get the point.
pat
You, pricciar, are a SEX machine!
This boy is the coolest hep cat ever. He rocks the casbah.
[sub]now I want my sock!!![/sub]
I got to know Pat this weekend (intimately, if you know what I mean) and must agree he is cooler than David Crosby and Marv Albert combined. Everything out of his mouth made me break down in hysterics (except the sweet nothings, my darling - I wrote them down in a scented journal that I keep down my pants in your honor). He’s so much fun, he made me wanna poo. Plus, he’s got every episode of Get A Life on tape, which means our destiny was written in the stars long ago (early 90s). Rock on, my funk soul bruvva!
[sub]I love you.[/sub]
Pricciar, I don’t know you at all, but you sound like the shit.
This is my 1000th post. Instead of starting a new thread, I decided to post to an old thread and celebrate. This makes it so I have built in celebrants, I don’t have to wait for anyone to wish me well.
So yay me. I have posted one thousand times. I am, as Lady Juliet (whoever she is.) the shit.
I will take this time to give out a few more sock puppets.
It seems approriate.
Sapphire Bullet-
Lucy ‘blondie’ Johnson
Saph you get a special breed of GD sock puppet. She really would be more at home in MPSIMS or Cafe Society, but she likes Great Debates for her great love of politicians. Love as in lust. Lust as in a desire for sex with politicians and public figures of all stripes. She frames all debates in terms of her public figure libido.
OP:
Bob Dole might have lost the presidential election to Bill Clinton, but, I think he will turn out to be the most important politician of our times. He led the Senate with strong leadership in changing times. He served our country in World War 2, then he became a public servant and helped the country change. What does everyone else say?
LbJ
Bob Dole might be over 60 years old, but I sure would like to see more of him in all walks of life. He is an attractive man. A very attractive man. He might not have full use of that hand, but I sure do have some uses for it that wouldn’t stress him too much. In fact, going by his recent ads he would especially enjoy it.
woodstockbirdybird-
The Handy Mark Dean Key
wood, yours is a meta-sock. You are an OPer. Every post you make just takes catch phrases, ways of speech, targets, and thoughts of previous trolls and weirdos and combines them into a fine soup. You change your thoughts and ways as quickly as the trolls on the board come and go. Yours is at tough sock, because you have to keep up with the comings and goings of the board. I know you are just the man for the job!
OP:
Ok. So, we all know that everyone needs to be kept poofed up and fresh smelling, if they want to have a good time in bed. The thing is, I just bought a copy of Penthouse Forum. It is wrong!! Can you beleive that? This fine magazine accepted by millions as the norm in the world of good sex, and it has incorrect information. First of all, it does not mention the importance of foreskin in foreplay. Second, it does not mention how sexual excitement is heightened by five or six sprays of perfume in the right spots. I will have to go see if Jugs Forum has it any better. Never again, will I be using this magazine.
Goal!
pat