OK, I have a friend at work. Young and stupid, you know the type. Cute little gayboy, does nothing but dance and sleep (mostly dance). He had a myspace date last night, went over to the guy’s place. At one point he fell asleep. When he woke up, he was being messed about with.
I boggled, but he didn’t. So I asked him if he was gonna see this guy again. He said “I don’t know.” My boggle went into overdrive. I explained to him the concepts of “rape” and “creepy,” but he doesn’t seem to share my worldview.
So, on a scale of 1 to 10, how much would you NOT see this guy again?
And on a scale of 1 to 10, how creepy does my friend need to understand this was?
What if you sent him clips from those news shows where they exposed the creepy MySpace people? Or links to websites from rape survivors where they detail what happened to them?
Boy’s looking to get himself thrown into a ditch in seperate trash bags.
So, on a scale of 1 to 10, how much would you NOT see this guy again?
6.7
Well, here’s where my shallow side comes out, it would really depend on A: how attractive the man was, and B: how far the unconscious groping went.
'Coz, honestly, if I woke up to Gerard Butler having his way with me-- there’d be no objections on my part. And on a scale of 1 to 10, how creepy does my friend need to understand this was?
5.3
Eh, it’s a bit creepy.
But is it really molestation if the other party is a willing recipient? (Since it sounded to me like your friend wasn’t exactly adverse to it.)
How cute was he again? What I mean is, was there a clear cut attraction between the two before this happened? Was your friend planning on messing around with the guy anyway, but he just fell asleep before the messing around commenced? Had he given the guy signals, prior to falling asleep, that he would probably be amenable?
And exactly how invasive was the fiddling? Was it just cuddling and fondling? Or did he awake with his pants down and find the guy busy lubing up?
The story certainly seems creepy at first blush, but I’d need a bit more info to know whether or not the situation was truly, terminally creepy.
OK. Well, me, if the dude had to wait till I was asleep before he could interact with me sexually, his attractiveness factor, however high it was to begin with, would take a serious nosedive.
Well, if he doesn’t think it was creepy, then what makes it so? That you think it was? Quit trying to manufacture outrage for him and mind your own business.
Another question: How asleep was your friend? Sometimes I’ve been hanging out with friends watching TV and I sort of nod off. Is it possible that the guy had just moved in for a squeeze as your friend dropped off for a second? Or did your friend annouce that he was going to take a nap in the other room, gets all bundled up, and awakes some 20 minutes or later to creepy guy hovering over him (via sex sling) with a leather whip and a jar of petroleum product?
Sure does sound creepy, but there are a couple of factors to consider. I’m not asking you to spill the answers to these here, but I would think your pal should at least think about these before calling his dude back.
What was the extent of their affection before your coworker fell asleep? If they were all business, sitting across a table drinking coffee and talking about baseball, I’d be worried. See #3.
How did your coworker fall asleep? Did he expect to fall asleep, or was he surprised and disoriented when he woke up? (The latter could mean something got slipped in his drink.) Was he consciously spooning/cuddling with the guy as they drifted to sleep, or did he crash out spontaneously on a couch while they were watching the news?
How much further forward was the waking-up affection from the pre-sleep affection? If they fell asleep kissing and cuddling and your coworker woke up being lightly and gently fondled, that doesn’t sound too worrying–and hell, it could’ve been his date’s idea of a pleasant alarm ring in that case. But if they fell asleep on different pieces of furniture and all they did beforehand was talk, and then he woke up to find himself being served a seriously hot dish of man-love, there’s probably cause for concern.
Well, of course, but it’s not a black-and-white thing. Again, if I woke up to find the guy standing behind me lubing up after we had had a strictly platonic night of football chatter, I’d be worried (actually, I’d probably grab my knife and posture at him menacingly, or cut him and run if he didn’t stop). But if we had drifted to sleep in each others’ arms and I woke up to find myself getting stroked a little, I probably wouldn’t be too concerned.
Then maybe you should step off and worry about your own arse if your coworker wasn’t bothered by it.
Er, whoops. Rereading that, it sounds like I’m telling lissener to keep a close eye on his coworker. That’s not what I meant. What I meant was, worry about your own problems and let your buddy have his fun.
Well, being woken up by, uh, you know, in that WAY, is not necessarily a bad thing. If he told the guy to stop and he didn’t that would be creepy, but I’d be lying if I said I’d never woken up with my SO’s head between my legs…
As a hetero woman (bearing in mind that women often have different ideas about sex than guys do ), I’d be very creeped out if a guy did that to me…but, then, I wouldn’t have gone home with a guy on a first date in the first place, much less gone to sleep there.
I think going home with someone on a first date implies you’re looking for something to happen.
I agree that it was inappropriate for this guy to make his move while your pal was asleep, and obviously if your friend wasn’t interested in him he’d probably agree with you that it was creepy. However, since he obviously did want it to happen, I think all you can do is try to encourage him to be safer about who he goes home with on a first date. You never know if someone might turn out to be dangerous or crazy.
That is VERY creepy. Maybe it’s just me, but I like to give consent (and be concious when the action starts) the very first time I enter into a sexual relationship with someone. The fondler definitely doesn’t have a sense of personal boundaries, and to my mind it means he has no respect for your co-worker and sees him only as a sexual object. I guess it really boils down to, is your co-worker really, truly ok with the idea of being just a living sex doll for this guy and nothing more? That’s how I interpret the events anyway.
), I’d be very creeped out if a guy did that to me…but, then, I wouldn’t have gone home with a guy on a first date in the first place, much less gone to sleep there.