Yesterday, I went to look at convertible car seats (child safety seats) at a Target in Naperville, IL. My sister-in-law had mentioned a specific seat that she saw on clearance at ‘her’ Target in the city, so I was on the lookout for it. For those that don’t know, the car seat aisles at Target have one shelf ~4’ high, with the display models on top and boxed seats below. I found the correct aisle and immediately saw two of the seats I was looking for on display, right next to each other, about 1/3 of the way down the shelf.
Rats, no clearance tag. I glanced around and saw that no other seats were on sale, either. ‘Well,’ I thought, ‘I might as well look at the seat I came for, in case it does go on clearance soon.’ I grab one by its side and rotate it on the shelf to see it in profile. When I do, a fly buzzes out and startles me. It wasn’t a normal housefly; more like a bulky mosquito. ‘Gross,’ I think, and push the seat back into place. As I pull my hand away, three more flies come out from between the seats. These are funny looking flies that I don’t remember ever seeing before and now there are 3 or 4 of them buzzing around. I’m wondering if there’s a flies’ nest back there or something, so I peer behi-HOLY SHIT, SOMEONE TOOK A DUMP ON THE SHELF! It was like out of a cartoon. A dollop of brown, semi-solid, pointy-on-top shit, just sitting on the shelf with 10 or 15 flies buzzing around it. Toddler sized. No, not the size of a toddler, but about the size that a toddler might make. It was so bizarre. There was no smell at all. No diaper, wipes, etc. Just shit and flies.
I found an employee nearby and told her. “Someone POOPED on the shelf?” I led her to the aisle and pointed from the end. She waited for some other shoppers to finish their browsing and warily made her way down there. She peeked. It was obvious when she saw It. She hustled back to the end of the aisle and called for a cleaner on the radio. Within a minute, two other curious employees (not cleaning crew) came to see. It was like kids on the playground. “I wanna see the doo-doo,” followed by, “Ewwwww!” Then, the discussion commenced. How long must it have been there? Did some kid get up there and take a shit on the shelf, hiding behind a seat for privacy? How else could it have gotten there? Why was there no smell, when it was obviously days old? When I left the section, the employees were still waiting on the cleaning crew, keeping guard at the ends of the poop aisle.