I was reflecting the other day on my romantic/dating history (ahh, the memories. the joys. the soul-gripping despair), and I remembered something that had struck me in my high school days.
At least back in my day, almost all “petting” and “fooling around” involved giving pleasure to the girl. And we guys were begging and pleadinging the girl for permission to do it.
This has to be the greatest con ever committed. How the hell did you women convince us that we guys “were going too far” when we tried to give you pleasure by massaging your nipples?! That you were doing us a favor when we got you off?!!
And the saddest part is that we guys totally bought into it. We bragged about the fact that we convinced our girlfriends to let us turn them on. “I touched her boobs.” “I touched her down there.” Etc. Of course, there very often was no reciprocity, but that barely fazed us - somehow, we had won a battle in the war of the sexes.
Are we men, at least as teenage boys, really that stupid?
Or are you chicks just that good?
It’s during that class/meeting they had in the gym while us guys were off somewhere else (you know, that class.)
It is a pretty good scam, but think about the number that were paid back, in spades, when they finally “went all the way.” By not giving their man pleasure, desensitizing him to the instant pleasure of her touch, surely they met with the one-minute-wonder and were left wet, sticky and frustrated, wishing they had treated their man better. Their man, OTOH, is satisfied that he got his and the roles are now reversed with her begging him to give it to her again, but longer and harder this time while he just wants to take a nap.
Myself, I never really graduated from the “please your woman at all costs” school of thought and though it has served me well, it can lead to “soul-gripping despair” at times as the women become engrossed in receiving and forget to reciprocate. C’est le vie.
I think in large part it harks back to the days when women weren’t supposed to enjoy sex, so what the guys were doing was progressively more intimate invasion of the woman’s personal space with the goal being penetration, which is what the guy is really after.
Of course, nowadays, women are allowed to openly enjoy sex, but courtship behavior hasn’t quite caught up to that reality. It’s a good time to be a chick.
I’d say that’s on the money, but I wish to add (if I remember back to evenings spent in the back of a Ford Festiva), that inexperienced partners don’t necessarily “enjoy” sex the way people who have worked on developing “madd skillz” do. Of course it all feels good, but my early partners and I were pretty clueless and spent our time kind of rounding the bases by trial and error. “I’m going to gently rub and pinch her nipples because I know it drives her crazy (Now)” vs. “I’m touching boobies! Whoohoo!” “Hmm…that feels well…interesting. Is that what it’s supposed to feel like?. (Then)”
Clearly I was making out with the wrong guys. Anyway, I’m glad that the system is set up that trial, error, and practice are weighted toward helping boys figure out what to do with our girl parts.
But honestly, Sua. Are you trying to say that you received no sexual pleasure from touching her hee haws? most of the guys I went out with (Ok, all two of them) had an instant lumberyard at the sight of a naked boob. If I’d tried to reciprocate, i’d have gone home sticky
I don’t see any kind of “con” going on. And it’s not about guys being “stupid,” although we ladies really are that good. [giggle] Come on, admit it Sua. You fellas have just as much fun pleasing us ladies as we ladies have getting pleased.
And since women are allowed to enjoy sex now, they enjoy it, and thus are much better partners, and are frequently the initiators. It’s a good time to be a guy.
I have no problems admitting this. I’m a guy, I’m easy to get off. The more you enjoy it, the more you’ll be into it, and the better it will be for me. I try and follow the 2-1 orgasm ratio rule, myself, at a minimum.
Personally, nothing excites me more than making my partner climax, but I agree that what Sua is talking about was foreplay - even if there’s no real chance of going any further. And in case you haven’t been paying attention: men don’t really need foreplay; we’re always ready to go. I believe the purpose was to get the woman horny enough to acquiesce to intercourse. Of course, I’m thinking of the “going parking” cliche scenario - parking the convertible on a rise at the edge of town.
Now in my day, the only time I did anything like that was when I was like 13, and I was just at the exploring stage… I didn’t know what the hell I was doing. I was still figuring out where all the parts went. So there’s that factor, too. Heck, now that I remember it, her father caught us. But we still had our swimsuits on.
Of course, there’s also the whole “first base,” “second base,” etc., bragging rights contest between teenage boys. Precursor to the 1990’s high school sex posse?
And finally, even if the boy didn’t “circle the bases,” he’d have a darn good memory to… ahem… refer to… later on… you know… in private.
And leave it at that. The majority of the time, I’d rather please than be pleased (as it were. Because, you see, it is in the pleasing that I am pleased. And now it’s confusing).
I love it. I love doing it. All of it. I’d rather do it than have it done to me. oooohhhhboy.
One of these days I’m going to give in to reprise’s pleading and compose my Ode to Cunnilingus. Then you’ll all see.
I don’t know why I’m like this. I don’t think it was because women convinced me that I want to pleasure them. I just always have. And if it’s some kind of scam against men, then hell, I got the good end!
Oh, don’t get me wrong, the “soul-gripping despair” is a tiny price to pay for the joy of bringing pleasure to, nay, satisfying every carnal urge of and bringing nothing short of body-shattering climax to my partner.
My quip was merely speaking to the end result of the woman being unable to reciprocate due to inability to move or control certain parts of her body beyond a quiver. Again, c’est le vie, I am not too worried.
Oh, and Diane, I’m fine but the real question is, how are you.
Repeat after me - “Blue balls is a horrible, horrible disease.” Absolutely I had fun, but (a) if I was having as much fun groping the girl as she was having being groped, I was doing it wrong (admittedly, as Maggie points out, a real possibility), and (b) god-DAMN, but blue balls hurts, and back then I got them more often than too freaking often.
(And before you ask, no, I never used the “honey, I need some relief” line.)
Back to the bigger picture - maybe my experience was slightly different from the norm (17 years of Catholic education, ergo, 17 years of Catholic girls :rolleyes: ), but I’m just struck by how much it was ingrained. People have mentioned the “baseball” system - where I grew up, it was about how far you got with her body, not how far she got with yours. Well, except for a home run.
jarbaby - Since when does an erection equal pleasure? It’s an (almost) necessary precondition for a guy, but it ain’t pleasure itself. Unless, of course, I’m still doing it wrong.
** People have mentioned the “baseball” system - where I grew up, it was about how far you got with her body, not how far she got with yours. Well, except for a home run.**
I’m sure I’m going to be flamed for pointing out the obvious, but while most normal under 50y/o people believe that women enjoy sex as much as men do, our language has not caught up with that idea yet. If you really listen you will notice that all the active verbs in sex are what men do. Ask Isadora once wrote on this phenomenon, and gave a few sample paragraphs of a vagina eating and swallowing a penis. I just did a quick search for it but her site is not easily searched.
During LDG’s younger years the first few girls were experiments of success, failure and extensive learning in the anatomy and nervous system department. Now what I learned from those little chemistry experiments of my earlier days was enough so that I don’t have to pay for my dinners very often nowadays. So anyways, the system can be more than beneficial for the guys.
Are you informing me (and believe me, it’ll be shocking to know) that erections/physical sexual arousal aren’t pleasurable? If so, you guys are REALLY missing out. Because I feel good all during sex, even BEFORE the orgasm.
