I’m sorry to disagree with the OP, but in my opinion, this is a golden opportunity to BUTT OUT with both cheeks. If your older relative doesn’t want to use a cane, that’s their business. They aren’t hurting anyone but themselves. When they decide to come around, help them out, but in the mean time, leave them to their own devices. It ain’t none of your business.
My mother is 71 and uses a walker to help her walk around her apartment. She has had multiple canes in the past as well but she finds them to difficult to use because both knees are in bad shape and the canes don’t provide enough support. Also she finds using only a cane makes her arm and shoulder sore on the side that utilizes it. So she uses one of her walkers.
My mother finally started using a cane after falling several times. My sister moved her into her home and got one of those fancy walkers which my mother thought was a wheel chair. She wouldnt use it because she said she thought she would not get up from it.
Few weeks back she did not use her cane to get to and into the bathroom and fell. Sister took her to the hospital and nothing was found wrong but they sent her to rehab to learn to walk again. She looks a lot better now, not bending over walking.
But, at least, it looks like her Alzheimer’s advanced with the fall.
Not sure if they have her using the wheel chair walker or what. Will have to ask my sister since my mother isnt making much sense! (She said she can do the PT at home! Course she doesnt know where home is)
When did getting old become so ridiculous?
How old are your parents?
My mom (early 90s) won’t use a cane and won’t even consider using a walker “They’re for old people!”
I tell her I can’t wait for a walker. I’ll get one with storage under the seat for books, pinstriping, and a cupholder! I mean, I’ll be able to just stop anywhere I feel like it for a sip and a good read, what’s not to love?
I’ll be getting one before mom does…
My wife has used a cane for several years and we call it the “magic stick.” At first, she did not want to use it much in public, but then she discovered that people opened doors, offered seats, moved her to the front of the line (see below), and generally helped in any way they could. She started using it a lot more in public after she figured that out.
(Note: We travel quite a bit. A year ago, we had to go through passport control at the airport in Rome. Of course, the line was huge, snaking down two corridors. I expected a wait of at least an hour, and was looking for a place for her to sit when a passport officer came over and took us straight to the front of the line. God bless him!)
When my grandmother didn’t want to use her walker we told her helpers not to do everything for her. It helped a little.
The trouble is, the consequences of her NOT using the cane can and probably will have a ginormous effect on the whole family. It’s not her business alone. And it can hurt and disrupt the whole family, emotionally, logistically, and financially WHEN she falls and breaks a hip and/or something else. Because that is almost a certainty. I’m curious about why you would offer such obviously wrong advice–are you willing to tell us?
My mother was in assisted living for a year and a half before she died (a year ago yesterday at age 93, as a matter of fact), and she had no problem using a walker, and later, a wheelchair. Hell, she knew she was old-- no way to deny it. I used to tell her, “Mama, if you fell and hit your head and died, that would be terrible. But if you fell and hit your head and were severely injured but didn’t die, that would be a lot worse.” Even with the walker, she fell a few times at the nursing home, but always on carpet, thank goodness, so no injuries.
A broken hip is not an isolated event when it happens to someone in their 80s or 90s. It changes EVERYTHING. It is often the beginning of the end–it was with parents of many of my friends. The parents of several friends died when they developed pneumonia or sepsis after a hip replacement. Currently, the 93-year old mother of a girlfriend fell and broke her hip and the docs have said it’s too risky to operate. I don’t know all the details, but it looks like she’s going to live out her (much-shortened IMHO) days in a wheelchair.
So your advice applies to someone young-ish, independent, and otherwise able-bodied, who will recover fairly quickly and get on with life. Not so with an old person.
I’m 70, and I’m looking at the future realistically.
That depends on what you consider “hurting others”. Grandma’s claws left multiple bruises any time she used one of us for support; during Mom’s latest hospital stay she was beginning to do the same and found herself being snarled at “you’re 74, not 98!”
Several times since the airport of Barcelona opened the “high priority” lines I’ve seen people kick others out of the main line pointing out “you’re priority, you go over there!” “bu-but… we haven’t paid for…” “you’ve got a baby / little kids / an older person / crutches, you’re priority!” It may not be done with the best of manners, specially when there’s a language barrier, but it’s always done with the best of intent.
You guys with your canes and walkers and suchlike are a bunch of pikers. Later this week I’m having an electric powered chair lift installed in my stairway to the second floor. Where all the bedrooms live. Costs almost as much as a new car (fairly new at least), but talk about convenience and safety! Can hardly wait.
BTW, I’m 89 plus.