We had cupcakes. They were devoured.
Most of my advice has been said, but I’ll echo it because… well, I like the sound of my voice.
-Get a cheap dress and sell it afterwards
-Try to use an unconventional venue
-Do the invites yourself. There’s a bazillion websites that can help and cool paper is readily available.
-Get friends and family to help. Some have great skills (photography, flower arranging, cooking, etc) and my experience was that people love to help their friends and family at a wedding.
-No DJ. Get an iPod and speakers and put together a playlist. It seems like somebody has a huge music fan in their life, so maybe borrow their tunes for a night if you don’t have much music of your own. It’s for your wedding, after all.
-Borrow a nice car for your entry. A friend had a vintage Mustang we borrowed and that was cooler than any limo.
Try to keep it fun. Any hiccups will only become fond memories as time passes. Look at what people have said above. Keeping costs down only made their memories sweeter. I know I wouldn’t change a thing about my cheap(ish) wedding.
A good money-saving compromise between beer/wine/soft drinks and an open bar is to offer beer, wine, and one or two ‘signature’ cocktails; maybe margaritas or mojitos, both very popular right now.
When we married (on something like a shoestring budget, and with a ten-week engagement), my husband really wanted an open bar, so we sprang the money for that. Otherwise, though: we kept the guest list to under 50, my gown was an off-the-rack prom dress in the after-prom season ($32.50), we had the ceremony at the same hall we had the reception at, I did the flowers myself with silk flowers. We kept the wedding party small: we each had two attendants. My husband’s uncle and his son did the photography.
It was quite nice, actually, and ended up costing us less than $1,500.00 in 1989 dollars.
My wedding was in a church, small guest list, about forty people. A friend in my barracks(I was in the army) made my dress. I paid for the materials, her labor was her gift to me.
Groom and best man also Army, they wore their uniforms, so they matched. Male friends who acted as ushers also military, wore their various uniforms, one Navy, one Air Force, two Army.
Flowers were half price, as they were on the altar for the next Sunday, and the florist was a member of the congregation.
Invitations printed as cost by my uncle, who was a printer.
Reception was in the church hall, just cake, punch, nuts and mints. Cake from a local bakery, and everything arranged by my aunt who did a lot of such parties.
??? Put additional stress on the couple?? This does not compute. Perhaps if you choose unwisely. Your attendants should be your absolute best friends, the people whose judgment you trust implictly and who understand you completely.
My 'bridesminions helped me make planning decisions (my arty 'maid scouted the flower district for me and came back with sketches so when I went shopping I already had good ideas ) – emailed people for whom I needed mailing address – took all calls from my mother on my wedding day so I didn’t flip out and tell her to F$#@! off – Picked up my shawl from the dry cleaner when I forgot – helped me decide to move the rehearsal indoors when I was paralyzed with indecision – made sure I had something to eat – made me shut up about certain annoyances and focus on how amazing everything was… I seriously do not know what I would have done without my ladies!
Our Best Man was invaluable in setting up the music and keeping an eye on it, keeping track of the tip envelopes for the staff at the end of the night, holding onto the rings (obviously), schmoozing with the families, remembering to buy ice cream, running to Radio Shack for a wireless mic for the rabbi… and a million other things that helped the day go smoothly!
In other words, attendants do anything and everything that a best bud does for their friends to relieve the stress of the situation!
Hello Again, in my experience friends can and will be helpful to a fault w/o being asked to take on the burden of being attendants.
I have experience to share, although it sounds like her guest list and bridal party will be the first place to consider how to cut costs. But she might find something interesting at Offbeat Bride; not frugal per ce, but it’s lots of people showing how they did their wedding their way (not succumbing to the ‘must do perfect wedding’ industry), so she might get some inspiration for the little touches which can replace the bigger ticket items to still feel special.
I don’t get it: whats the burden? Buy a dress, you would have bought anyway. Show up, which you would have done anyway. Help out, which you would have done anyway. And you get presents.
And earlier you said attendants create problems for the couple. What does that mean?
If you’d like to start a separate thread, I’d be glad to explain more in depth than my previous post why I feel it’s unnecessary to have or be an attendant.
My mother and I made all the decorations and put them up. Made the cakes too. I worked in the shop where I bought my dress until it was paid off. Mom made my veil and my bouquet. Husbands family did all the barbequing for the reception, and friends and relatives worked the serving line. Had a maid of honor, got her dress at a second hand store. Husbands brother was his best man, they bot hrented their tuxes.
It’s been just shy of 20 years, but my wife and I managed to do the wedding, reception, and honeymoon for about $3500.
The wedding was in the university chapel at the University of South Carolina (where I was attending grad school, and my wife was an alum), which cost maybe $25 to reserve our 2-hour time slot. The downtown hotel where we had our reception gave us the room free in exchange for giving them the catering. We did heavy hors d’oeuvres, which didn’t cost an arm and a leg, and seemed about right for a mid-afternoon reception. A bakery that wasn’t upscale but had a good local reputation did the (very beautiful, very yummy) cake for maybe $100; the lady who did the flowers, who wasn’t affiliated with a florist but who we found out about through the grapevine, charged even less and did an absolute knockout job with the flowers. My little sister put together a dance tape for the reception, and my brother-in-law brought along his sound system to play the tape on. We did a limo to get the wedding party from our respective houses to the chapel, and then to the reception, but that was maybe another $100. We didn’t do booze, but we had a champagne toast. My wife’s mother sewed not just the wedding dress, but the bridesmaids’ dresses. A good friend of my wife, extremely musically skilled, volunteered to be the organist at the wedding.
Things we didn’t skimp on: the photographer - we paid for a very good local photographer. That ran us several hundred dollars by the time all was said and done. But worth it. I still like looking at the pictures, and the Firebug is absolutely mesmerized by them. If we’re not doing anything, he’ll pull the album off the shelf and we’ll look at them together. And we bought good champagne for the toast, which was probably a couple hundred dollars.
Let’s see. We ended up spending a fair amount (mainly because we did NOT cut the guest list to bare-bones), but saved on some things:
1 - No photographer. A lot of our friends brought their digital cameras anyway; it took a bit of hassling people by email, but we managed to pull together a reasonable wedding book out of their photos (and in any case there were hundreds up on facebook within a week of the ceremony).
2 - iPod. Woo. As it happened, the venue had a sound system we could plug into; if we’d had to rent speakers that would have cut into the savings, but not by much.
3 - BYOB. Our venue allowed us to bring our own booze instead of having to use their catering; we bought a bunch from a liquor super-store; they allowed us to return the unopened bottles. (We did have someone from the restaurant that catered our dinner handling the bar service; I’d check carefully about legal liability issues before just leaving a self service keg on the table).
Flew to Vegas over a weekend, bought my dress off the rack, and only invited 6 people. I hate weddings, never wanted one and loathe being the center of attention. No brainer there. Saved the $$ to buy our house 
Don’t tell anybody you’re getting married. My SIL balked at the quote the party supply place gave them for wedding tablecloth rentals. So my brother went in the following week, asked for the same tablecloths and told them it was for a party…half price.
I think you make a good point with this anecdote.
Every couple will have ideas of what are essentials for them, and they’ll differ. Some have said that the photographer wasn’t an important part of their wedding, but it was to you and the other Firefly. Some poeple don’t want to skimp on food, but couldn’t care less about flowers. Others may feel that flowers and decorations are crucial. Despite what people have said about dresses (and I agree that they can be a huge cost), for whatever reason, it was very important to my sister. She had a gorgeous dress and she loved it and said that she didn’t care if she got married at a bus stop as long as she could wear that dress. Might not be practical to others, but it was important to her (and yes, she is still married after many years—18? I want to say—so it’s not as though she confused the wedding with the marriage and went for trappings.)
I would likely “win” :dubious: Hello Again’s contest of cheapest wedding (the only cost being the Justice of the Peace; I wore an outfit I already owned), but I regret it a bit. I think I made too many concessions to keeping cost and fuss down, and I’m hoping that we can at least have a party when our 10th wedding anniversary rolls around. So, thinking carefully about must-haves is important for any couple.
OP, what’s the location of the wedding and occupation(s) of the the happy couple?
I chose to take the same tack when arranging the location of our surprise wedding. I don’t know for sure, but I assumed that if I had told the inn that it was going to be a wedding, the prices for food and room rental would have been higher. So as far as they knew, it was an engagement party until a few weeks before, when I told them we had decided to make it a surprise wedding. By that time we had signed the contract.
So, wish me Happy 311th Day Anniversary 
Where to start? 2nd marriage for me, 1st for her. We’re both around 50. Nobody should help at our age, and nobody did. We approached The List of Things with a brutal eye. What was the one thing each of us seriously wanted to Do Right?
For me, there was not one thing. For her, she wanted a killer wedding cake. To that end, we spent an entire day eating nothing but slices of wedding cakes. We hit 4 bakers in an 11 hour stretch. By the end, we found ourselves south of Boston, completely stoned on sugar. It was amusing. " Hungry? " " Nope, just had some cake ! " ( peals of laughter ensue ) And so indeed, we found a great baker. Her cake was superb. We had a three tiered cake of two varieties. It was worth it. ( didn’t freeze the top layer. Never hear about it being edible a year later. Our baker makes very small Anniversary Cakes. We’re ordering one for ourselves- a mini of the real cake from the day. )
The rest of the food? We have friends and family who are very fine cooks and bakers, but did not want it to become a pot luck. We shopped around and found a caterer who was flexible, had a menu list we could mix and match to build what we wanted- and who did not insist we buy everything from her.
Plates? These cool triangular ones from BJ’s. Ditto on utensils and paper goods. We had two catered events. The first one was immediately after the church service in the parish hall. We went for real china and real glasses for the dining. Finger foods- not a sit down at all. Tasty stuff, not nearly as pricey as a full catered event.
Party at her brothers afterwards? BBQ, catered by the same woman who did the church food. Amazing delicious stuff, very reasonably priced.
We did the flowers 100% ourselves. That was fun, and it took on some serious meaning as we got into it. The priest and his wife ( an avid gardener, opposed to Eva Gardner ) were moving in next door to the Rectory. We went with Arbor Vitae, rose bushes and tons of potted plants. All were donated to the church. The annuals had a nice run, the perennials are coming back this year. In this manner, we made a real donation to the rehab of the grounds AND had lovely living plants on the altar and around the places we had food. Home Depot for almost all plants.
She bought her dress. I am led to believe it was under $ 200.00. She was so gloriously beautiful in it that when I turned and saw her, I started crying. I got my suit on sale at Joseph A. Banks. ( embarrassed that my suit cost more than her dress ).
Invitations? Bought a lovely one at Staples, spent a lot of time on layout and wording. Created a Facebook Page and new shared email address to coordinate information and directions, etc.
Rings? Her engagement ring was my Mom’s mom’s engagement ring. Vintage 1920’s platinum band. Diamonds, 4 sapphires. What can I say. She has my gramma with her 24/7. Priceless. Wedding band- she picked what spoke to her, I picked what spoke to me. Mine is stainless steel. Hers is lovely white gold with a few small diamonds. Again, quite reasonable. Both rings came to… under $ 600?
Photographer/ Video. Zero video. We’re both in the business of film/television production. We wanted no cameras. Photos were taken, elegantly and with discretion, by a dear friend of hers. A great wedding gift to us both. Between her and one other “ringer” who was there, we have struggled to keep the album to 100 pages of excellent images.
We did not register. Despite many folks begging/ encouraging us, we did not. We’ve to 2 houses worth of stuff already, most of which is in storage 4 hours away from where I currently sit in the home office. We don’t need more STUFF. Peoples presence was their presents. We got very few gifts in boxes. Some monetary gifts, and mostly the room full of those who loved us. What better gift than that?
Limo? No. Cut flowers? She carried a tiny arrangement in her hands, banded to her Family Bible. Band? We used our iPod and did a playlist. Rented tables and chairs for the afterparty? 100% wasted money. It rained. We bought a huge EZ-Up at BJ’s the morning of our wedding, set it up in the driveway for the BBQ chef, and ate inside. Tables- aside from one used for food prep- and all chairs went untouched. The rental guy gave us 50% back on the rental. VERY generous of him.
We kept the entire weekend under 10K. Really, it hit around 8K and that was with one or two mistakes. We spent way too much on booze. We didn’t feel, looking back at the spreadsheet of receipts, that we overspent anywhere else. We could have saved about $ 400.00 on booze and never missed it.
Be brutal with the list. Others here are right. And be firm- if you are inviting ONE person, you’re not inviting all of their family unless you specify as such. What is very very important to you for the day? Music? Food? Flowers? The Hall? Photographer? Spend well on one item, be very cautious with the other items.
At the end of it, in the moment, none of the externals will matter. You’re going to stand there and look at each other and feel the most glorious feeling in the world. Don’t let the Inertia of a Wedding Day overtake that. Planning our wedding was hard- and not much fun- and we knew it, and knew it’d be worth it.
On the day, it was.
On Preview: Wedding Showers. We didn’t do one. I attended one for my dear wonderful neice a few years ago. It took two full length picnic tables in the county park pavillion to hold all of the gifts. She’d registered within an inch of her life, and the checklists were a-flying. She’s young, he’s young, etc. Starting out together. I get it, I do. But the shower was so elaborate that it was essentially the starting point for the wedding registry list/ purchasing. It was numbing.
I refused to buy into that. Instead, we decided to give her the one significant family heirloom piece of furniture in existence. Made in 1929 in Germany, an Art Deco style breakfront with glass doors. Titanic heavy solid piece, in two pieces. Made it out of Nazi Germany with 6 weeks to spare before KristalNacht.
But my goodness… page after page after page of Registered items. It robbed the gift giving of any personality, of any emotional connection from me to her and her fiancee. Not my style. Again, I get it… but it’s awfully clinical.
Good luck and share a photo after !!!
Cartooniverse
Have just started sharing this with people who attended our wedding. Brilliant !!!