How do choose between the philosophies of Chuck Norris and Oprah Winfrey?

The BBQ Pit
1

The latest religious glurge from Mom:

My conundrum: How do I choose between these two philosophical giants? I can only hope that they arrange some kind of theological round table with Dr. Steven Seagal, Arch-Bishop Jean-Claude Van Damme and Sally Jessy Raphael to hammer out all the eternal ecumenical issues that have puzzled humankind for millenia.

2

Or they could just have a cage match.

3

Dude. Chuck Norris would totally kick Oprah’s ample ass. Your choice is clear.

Also, for your roundtable: while Steven Seagal isn’t a doctor, he is a reincarnated lama. So there’s that.

4

That’s funny, I found Tolle’s first book to be pretty awesome, despite that it is a little too religious.

5

[QUOTE=Dangerosa]
Or they could just have a cage match.
[/QUOTE]

Are you kidding? Chuck wouldn’t stand a chance! No one can resist her free giveaways to the audience!

6

Aaaah, Don’t pick up on Oprah. She just wants you to find your inner tectonic plate.

7

I just wanted to point out the Chuck Norris didn’t actually read A New Earth. He just stared at it until it gave him the information.

8

Chuck’s just miffed that the candidate Oprah endorsed is still in the running.

9

[QUOTE=Lightray]
<snip>Also, for your roundtable: while Steven Seagal isn’t a doctor, he is a reincarnated lama. So there’s that.
[/QUOTE]

Rama Lama ding-dong ?

10

Thier both pretty scary. I’m gonna go with a pair of Samurai for Nick and just one ninja should sort Oprah right out. She’s not that quick.

11

[QUOTE=Revtim]
The latest religious glurge from Mom:My conundrum: How do I choose between these two philosophical giants? I can only hope that they arrange some kind of theological round table with Dr. Steven Seagal, Arch-Bishop Jean-Claude Van Damme and Sally Jessy Raphael to hammer out all the eternal ecumenical issues that have puzzled humankind for millenia.
[/QUOTE]

So Chuck is upset that Oprah’s friend’s book is giving out random made up bullshit, that is directly conflicting with the random made up bullshit he prefers to believe?

Interesting. I hope they can find a made up, bullshit, middleground.

12

Apropos of nothing, its just that Chuck Norris is one of the few people I ever hated on sight, without knowing anything at all about him. He was in *Way of the Dragon *with Bruce Lee. He gets off the airplane wearing his karate gi (standard air travel wear, I suppose…) and I instantly despised him. Warmed the chuckles of my heart watching Bruce kick the living shit out of him. Didn’t have the slightest idea who he was.

Since then, of course, I know more about him, and have some more or less rational basis for my antipathy. Not that it matters. Didja know that Chuck Norris makes Jesus call him “Sir”?

13

Passe internet memes aside, Chuck Norris is a complete and total jackass and should go the fuck away now.

14

:: pulls the Walker, Texas Ranger Lever ::

15

[QUOTE=Cluricaun]
Passe internet memes aside, Chuck Norris is a complete and total jackass and should go the fuck away now.
[/QUOTE]

Agreed. I really thought the whole Chuck Norris meme would die after that column he wrote about Jesus being the only real badass (or something to that affect, I just skimmed over it).

16

[QUOTE=Lightray]
Also, for your roundtable: while Steven Seagal isn’t a doctor, he is a reincarnated lama. So there’s that.
[/QUOTE]

Dang. Chungdrag Dorje must have had really bad karma in his last life to have been knocked down so many rungs of being.

17

This one sentence just shattered my irony meter.

18

Fuckin’ Chuck Norris…

19

[QUOTE=BoBettie]
Fuckin’ Chuck Norris…
[/QUOTE]

Sarah Silverman, is that you?

20

Welcome to the 1950s, where ignorance and provincialism is funny. Please enjoy your stay.