Kids are awesome 
There’s not a lot you can do in the early months, although babies can really sense if you like them or not…don’t know how but they do. But as to when they’re older; don’t come accross too serious, be jovial and make them feel you accept them no matter what. Recenly I had the extreme honor to have my 20 year old neice tell that I’ve always been her favorite Uncle. When I asked her why, she said, “You have always made me laugh and listened to me when I have something to say”…so there ya have it…what kids like…from the philly’s mouth.
First of all, the fact that you are interested in them makes you cool. Be yourself and you will be amazed.
Too late, I already hold that patent. Play with them and give the parents a break, THEY’LL want you over more, and that gets the kids going in the same direction. For me, a cool cat helps. A visit from UncleBill (you think this is just a screen name?) is made twice as nice when the cat comes along. For the babies, holding, tickling, pinky sucking (them to yours) and such. I always tried to talk to them as adults after they got to understanding English. I think that helps. As they get older, you need to survive mind-numbing board games with rules made up as they go along without losing your sanity. Play horsey until your neck muscles scream. Basically play any derned thing they want, and act like you like it!
Good Luck
UncleBill
The Cool Uncle
Cecil may be the smartest human alive but the title of master uncle belongs to me.
At least that’s what I hear from my nephews and nieces.
When my oldest nephew was born and until he was five I saw him nearly every day.
Took him to kindergarten and helped with the class.
When he was six took him on a week long road trip to BC and back.
When his feet could reach the back pegs I would take him on long motorcycle trips.
I took him fishing and camping often.
When he was a teenager he would come and spend the weekends at my place where we’d get hopped up on Coke and junk food and play axis and allies.
Quite simply, it’s the quality time you can spend together that builds bonds.
When my nieces have a problem they are as likely to call me as my brother (their dad).
My oldest nephew is now 21 and we’re really good friends, we also have daughters who are almost the same age so that is kind of bizarre.
So I’m off… gonna play Axis and Allies with the nephew and kick his butt for the umpteenth time.
When my niece was pregnant and knew it was going to be a girl, I had a friend sew a miniature sequine gown, with matching purse, that would only be worn by JLo or a whore.
It was the MAJOR hit of the baby shower, was framed and will forever go down in that kid’s history as the first kinky gift she ever got.
If it was going to be a boy, I saw a super cool leather jacket and chaps that would look good in miniature. Candy cigarettes were going to rolled into a tiny tshirt arm…
Now that my niece’s daugher is six, I have sent her some fun Christmas presents and picked a day at random during the year that I annually send her a gift.
pot, booze, porn, video games. natch
Be the one who pays attention to them at family functions. When the other adults go in one room to do boring grown-up stuff, be the one who stays and plays with the kid. His parents will appreciate that you’ve freed them up for some grown-up conversation, and the kid will appreciate that you–unlike the other boring adults–will play with them.
Whenever I visit my SO’s family, I spend lots of time with the young’uns, partly because it’s a lot easier for me to make conversation with a strange kindergartener than with a strange adult. Much of my Thanksgiving was spent playing dinosaurs with a two year old. I’d much rather do that then hear about Uncle Joe’s refinanced mortgage or Cousin Edna’s bursitis.
Post-holiday update:
I am indeed an uncle. I managed not to offend the parents, inadvertantly or otherwise. During the “who does he look like?” conversation, I withheld my observation that, at 4 hours old, the boy’s facial features bore a stronger resemblance to a root vegetable than to either of his parents. I think that was wise.
Holding him was fine. Whenever I hold a baby, which is infrequent, I always feel this pressure to have a Magical Bonding Moment, and I never do. They’re pleasant enough, if a bit heavy after a while, but I just don’t find them fascinating at that stage.
However, I do appreciate all the tips, and when the child does become fascinating to me (probably about when he can talk), I’m prepared to be at least a cool uncle, if not necessarily the only one.
At this age, you aren’t anything - cool or uncool - to the baby. You can, if you want, try to be cool to the parents - hold the baby, babysit, other things to give them a break. Buy cute little vacuous baby gifts - that Patriots bib, or whatever - to show that you care. And holding the vegetable comment back was the right thing to do (although you were right, dagnabbit!)
Later, the best thing you can do to be the cool uncle is simply to be there. Be present - visit often. (It’s not clear to me how close you live to the tyke, so I apologize if this isn’t practical advice.) To kids, a few months is a long time, a year is an eternity. The ones that the kids see often will be the ones they know best and feel comfortable with. For example, my parents are divorced, and my Mom (who visits 3 times a year, plus the times we visit her) is a lot more popular with my son than my Dad (who visited us once in 12 years, despite living the same distance as my Mom). I have a brother-in-Law who had a falling out with his family, and hasn’t spoken to any of us or seen us in a few years. This has been a fourth of my son’s life; my son hardly knows this guy anymore.
Besides being there, there is interacting with the kid. Some relatives just want to see the kid, then the kid is supposed to be quiet. The ones that play with the baby, walk to the park with the toddler, read to the small child, play board games, throw the baseball around, play video games, will nod and listen about the latest Pokemon or Yugi-oh cartoon are “cool”. The ones that want the kid to listen about their business, their relatives, watch old sitcoms and soap operas on TV, etc., are not the cool ones.
Also, forget that “bonding” moment. It may or may not happen for parents. It usually doesn’t happen for other family members (and I’m talking about the kids point of view). Think of the amount of “bonding” as the total amount of time you have spent interacting with the child in their lifetime. Nothing less.
Anyway, congratulations on the new addition to your extended family, and good luck. The last point I would make is that one of the important parts of being a cool relative is being one that wants to interact with the kids - so you’re already starting out ahead of the game.
Do figure 4 leg locks and take downs until they cry (what else) uncle. Then pretend to be surprised when they do their “sneak attack” and roll around on the floor and pretend to be pinned. When they shoot you feign a long and torturous death and ignore the admonishments from their mother that you are teaching them to be violent. Resurrect yourself by declaring that you were wearing a Bat bullet-repellant vest and shoot them repeatedly with your finger until they run crying to their mom that you aren’t playing fair. They’ll come back with a bullet proof resistant bullet soon enough.
Oh, and be sure that you haven’t shaved before you give them kisses and cheek rubs.
Unlike aunts, you are not expected to carry gum in your purse.
Mrs.Z tells this story of her cool aunt. Mrs.Z and her older sister were spending the night with her and they went to the grocery store to get dinner. Frozen dinners which the girls thought were cool. So the aunt says just get anything from the freezer you want for dinner. They looked and looked and came back each of them with a chocolate cream pie. The Aunt laughed and let them EAT A CHOCOLATE CREAM PIE FOR DINNER!
The only way to be a cool uncle is to never have kids of your own. Your attitude about just how precious children changes when you have one of your own and you will be afraid to damage any children in any after you have your own.
Well, I like infants.
If they are sleepy, rock them gently, and let them sleep. Sing very softly, and at a low pitch, and sway back and forth.
If they are looking at you, look back, and smile. Have an entire normal adult conversation. “Hello! My name is Tris. How are you? It’s so nice to meet you. What’s your name? Have you lived around here long? Twenty mintues! Wow, that must be your whole life! So, do you like the place? I find it fairly nice. Who me? Oh, I’ve lived here for . . . about fifty years.” (Brothers and sisters will happily join in, supplying baby’s side of the conversation, but you should ignore them, for the moment.) "So, who’s your favorite band? Jethro Tull? Me, too! “Sitting on the PARK BENCH!” etc.
Later, as they grow up, the bottom line is, how often, and how reliable. If you only come by one or two times a year, show the heck up on time, and as promised. Don’t make promises you can’t keep. Bring what you said you would bring, or shut up about your old army war souvenirs. Go to all the best kid movies, the very first weekend they are out, and take your nieces and nephews along with you. By they way, everything is on you, and don’t be stingy about popcorn, and drinks.
Be honest, and be a faithful friend. If it doesn’t involve felonies, keep secrets. If it does involve felonies, go bail. Have them check out new girlfriends. Teach them to help you pick up single moms at the park. They know who they are, you know. They also know which ones you should avoid like they had plague, even if they look great. Give 'em only really cool gifts, rather than lots of gifts. Find stuff that you would really have liked, and get that. Don’t get them stuff that mom is gonna take away.
When you get a new computer, reformat your old hard drive, (gotta be absolutely sure about those internet files, you know.) and give it to your nephew, or niece. Give 'em all your old games, too.
Tris
It sounds like you want to be the favorite uncle.
Cool is something you’ve got, or you don’t. Miles Davis had cool. Michael Jackson does not. Einstein was cool. Niels Bohr was not. Clinton is cool. Al Gore is not. Donald Sutherland is cool. Keifer is not. Seji Ozawa is cool. Herbert von Karajan was not, and a Nazi to boot. Fred Mertz was cool, Ricky Ricardo was not. Fonzi was cool, Chachi was not. R2D2 is cool, C3PO is not. Faramir is cool, Boromir is not.
Cool is zen. Charo, the Cuchi Cuchi Girl is not zen.